i went through similar experiences with parents seperating, getting divorced, moving around, causing us to switch schools, (grade 4 was the first time i spent a

i went through similar experiences with parents seperating, getting divorced, moving around, causing us to switch schools, (grade 4 was the first time i spent a whole school year in the same school), even living with foster parents for some time. the big difference, my parents were never close, my mother has asbergers (a fact i only learned very recently), and my dad was born late in the war, fleeing bombs, both which strongly affected their ability to show love to us children. however my reaction to all this was very different. i didn't develop separation anxiety, i rather expunged all this dramatic experience from memory. and apparently what i learned is that it is useless to fight for someone. that made finding a partner difficult as it required them to make the first move, but then as long as we are together, and we are able to show affection for each other, things are fine, and i remain loyal and dedicated to her, but if she started to show signs of rejecting me for whatever reason i'd simply give up without shedding a tear as if it just wasn't meant to be, like all the times before. i also seemed to have developed a fear of loneliness. not in the short term. being alone for some time, even weeks or months is fine at least as long as there is regular interaction with others. but it's very hard for me to work by myself and if someone were to tell me i'd remain alone for the rest of my life, i think i'd panic. interestingly my brothers didn't have the same reaction. i was the only one who got married and has kids. one of my brothers got treated for depression. i suppose the stoic nature that i developed saved me from that, but in light of the article, it is probably also because i am the oldest, so the traumatic experiences hit me at an older age than my brothers. and all of this didn't become clear to me until recently. it took that long to reflect and go through various experiences good and bad for me to figure this all out.