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In my US based upbringing, men making jokes at the expense of other men are either aggression or ways of building rapport, and context matters to decipher which
by jameslk 3y ago
In my US based upbringing, men making jokes at the expense of other men are either aggression or ways of building rapport, and context matters to decipher which it is. I have male friends who take as much opportunity as possible to turn something I’ve said or done into a joke, sarcastically or sometimes trollishly, and I’ll do the same. This mocking isn’t malicious however.
- mplewis 3y agoThe recipient of the message, not the sender, determines whether it’s malicious.
- Vegenoid 3y agoNo, the recipient determines if it is harmful. Malice is characterized by intent.
- 4gotunameagain 3y agoHard disagree. Even if it is hurtful for the recipient, it might have been in good taste and honest, playful banter. If you let your behaviour be defined by the most sensitive and high σ recipients, you cease to be able to conduct any form of communication apart from talking about the weather. And that might even offend some people then.
- Boogie_Man 3y agomalicious adjective Having the nature of or resulting from malice; deliberately harmful; spiteful. malice noun 1. A desire to harm others or to see others suffer; extreme ill will or spite. 2. The intent to commit an unlawful act without justification or excuse. 3. An improper motive for an action, such as desire to cause injury to another.
- deleted 3y ago[deleted]
- deleted 3y ago[deleted]
- tanseydavid 3y agoIMHO this type of rapport traces back to playing "The Dozens" although many who participate do not consciously know this. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dozens_(game) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dozens_(game)
- candybar 3y agoAggression and building rapport aren't mutually exclusive - a lot of this is subtle negotiation for relative status. Just because all parties are okay with these as a way to get to a reasonable common ground (and if done right, can lead to strong rapport and relatively equal status) doesn't mean aggression isn't there. I don't think most of this is conscious, but you will also see conspicuously high-status people use self-deprecating humor to lower their perceived threat level, or conversely, people targeting other conspicuously high-status or threatening people to take them down a notch (to some extent, this is what we're seeing here). Or in a more hierarchical situation, high-status people might target lower-status people to reinforce their higher status.