6 ms·

All hard things worth doing are. What's your point? Don't do anything worth doing because it's hard? I have both said and done. It's better for you than integr

All hard things worth doing are. What's your point? Don't do anything worth doing because it's hard? I have both said and done. It's better for you than integrating the trauma into your personality and by extension your life.

sakjur 3y ago
Suggesting a seemingly easy solution to a debilitating problem someone is having might cause them to feel less about themselves. I believe the point is to offer sympathy to a reader who reads your post and sort of goes “if it’s just that, why can’t I seem to do it?”. I can tell you mean well, but there’s an asterisk to your advice your commenters seem to point out. Your advice might require years and finding a good therapist or purpose for some. Doesn’t mean it’s not worth it.
- seoulmetro 3y ago
  It's not a seemingly easy solution to let others and your past affect you less... Or it may require taking the steps yourself right now because someone has helped you realise it. Stop trying to protect people from helping themselves. If people don't want to help themselves they are free to. Sounds like all of you are enabling the self-destruction of the above comment. That's something even I'm offended by.
  - sakjur 3y ago
    Disagreement is not malice. People taking issue with your suggested solution doesn’t mean they’re trying to stop people from helping themselves or enabling self-destructive behaviors (at least not intentionally). I intend to leave this conversation here, though I will read and consider any response you might have even if I’m not responding to it.
    - seoulmetro 3y ago
      They are indeed enabling self-destructive behaviours intentionally. Even the moderator dang has claimed that not enabling someones self-destructive behaviours counts as a personal attack on that person... so yes. Intentionally and disruptively hurting people with malice. This conversation can be left wherever you want. Many people here are clearly in no hurry to help the above comment author. I feel sorry for all of you and for the people who have been hurt who are left in their state of hurt because no one wants to actually help them help themselves.
icehawk 3y ago
Your GP feels a bit flippant, regardless of whether it is or not.
- seoulmetro 3y ago
  It's not flippant. It's apparently classed as a personal attack to dang though. That's hilarious. Helping others attack themselves? OK. Helping others prevent self harm? BAD BOY.
  - icehawk 3y ago
    Once again, I stated "regardless of whether it is or not." I'm sorry, but you failed to convey that. Anyway, I hope this is hope this is a productive learning experience.
    - seoulmetro 3y ago
      I don't have to convey that. It's on you if you fail to understand the text. It has been a learning experience. I learnt that there are people who really hate others improving their life to the point where they claim that help is a form of personal attack. I am just so glad that I didn't get enabled by people like those in this comment thread when I deal with my own trauma.
pattesseriedude 3y ago
> integrating the trauma into your personality and by extension your life. You were not wrong here and to be honest 9 hours later I feel ashamed to have made the original comment and no disrespect to the author obviously. I’ve been having a few bad days lately and what the author and his family are going through took me back to a time when I thought could relate not as the author but someone as a family member who was affected. I should have been more empathetic rather than making the comment about me (although I was trying not to). I tend to not do this as therapy is working for me mostly, but times like these it brings back emotions that you cannot control.
- jacquesm 3y ago
  You've got absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
- seoulmetro 3y ago
  Of course I'm not wrong. People getting upset at the truth because they aren't strong enough to try it themselves are wrong. No one cares if you comment about yourself. People support those that talk about themselves but apparently they support people harming themselves like you continue to do. It makes me ashamed to think that you're being guided by these absolutely abhorrent people in this thread. You can help yourself. Don't let them stop you.
smeej 3y ago
"Integrating the trauma into your personality and by extension your life" isn't optional. Biologically, the trauma changed both your body and your mind. Your neurological and endocrine systems do not respond to stimuli as they would have if you had not experienced the trauma. It's highly analogous to a deeply damaging physical wound. It is part of you now, whether you want it to be or not. You can't undo it, and denying the reality of it won't actually help you live a healthy life without it.
- seoulmetro 3y ago
  Yes. So you and many other are encouraging letting the wound fester instead of healing it with all that you can. You can't undo it, but you can live with it and not let it fester. No one is talking about denial. My comments mention acceptance...
  - smeej 3y ago
    What's your understanding of how a body heals a major wound, like the loss of an arm? It has to integrate this into a reshaped understanding of itself. That's what healing is. The core muscles have to rebalance to compensate for the missing weight. The neural pathways have to change in realization that, for example, instinctively trying to move that arm to catch a fall won't work anymore. The whole body has to relearn how to function now that it's different, now that the traumatic thing has happened. This is integrating. Trying to function the way it did before actually prolongs the suffering. Only healing and integration is the path forward.
    - seoulmetro 3y ago
      If you lose your arm you use the other one. You don't complain that you can't use arms now because it was your dominant arm... It ain't rocket science buddy. Sounds like you need to try read my parent comments again.

sakjur 3y ago

Suggesting a seemingly easy solution to a debilitating problem someone is having might cause them to feel less about themselves. I believe the point is to offer sympathy to a reader who reads your post and sort of goes “if it’s just that, why can’t I seem to do it?”. I can tell you mean well, but there’s an asterisk to your advice your commenters seem to point out. Your advice might require years and finding a good therapist or purpose for some. Doesn’t mean it’s not worth it.

seoulmetro 3y ago
It's not a seemingly easy solution to let others and your past affect you less... Or it may require taking the steps yourself right now because someone has helped you realise it. Stop trying to protect people from helping themselves. If people don't want to help themselves they are free to. Sounds like all of you are enabling the self-destruction of the above comment. That's something even I'm offended by.
- sakjur 3y ago
  Disagreement is not malice. People taking issue with your suggested solution doesn’t mean they’re trying to stop people from helping themselves or enabling self-destructive behaviors (at least not intentionally). I intend to leave this conversation here, though I will read and consider any response you might have even if I’m not responding to it.
  - seoulmetro 3y ago
    They are indeed enabling self-destructive behaviours intentionally. Even the moderator dang has claimed that not enabling someones self-destructive behaviours counts as a personal attack on that person... so yes. Intentionally and disruptively hurting people with malice. This conversation can be left wherever you want. Many people here are clearly in no hurry to help the above comment author. I feel sorry for all of you and for the people who have been hurt who are left in their state of hurt because no one wants to actually help them help themselves.

icehawk 3y ago

Your GP feels a bit flippant, regardless of whether it is or not.

seoulmetro 3y ago
It's not flippant. It's apparently classed as a personal attack to dang though. That's hilarious. Helping others attack themselves? OK. Helping others prevent self harm? BAD BOY.
- icehawk 3y ago
  Once again, I stated "regardless of whether it is or not." I'm sorry, but you failed to convey that. Anyway, I hope this is hope this is a productive learning experience.
  - seoulmetro 3y ago
    I don't have to convey that. It's on you if you fail to understand the text. It has been a learning experience. I learnt that there are people who really hate others improving their life to the point where they claim that help is a form of personal attack. I am just so glad that I didn't get enabled by people like those in this comment thread when I deal with my own trauma.

pattesseriedude 3y ago

> integrating the trauma into your personality and by extension your life. You were not wrong here and to be honest 9 hours later I feel ashamed to have made the original comment and no disrespect to the author obviously. I’ve been having a few bad days lately and what the author and his family are going through took me back to a time when I thought could relate not as the author but someone as a family member who was affected. I should have been more empathetic rather than making the comment about me (although I was trying not to). I tend to not do this as therapy is working for me mostly, but times like these it brings back emotions that you cannot control.

jacquesm 3y ago
You've got absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
seoulmetro 3y ago
Of course I'm not wrong. People getting upset at the truth because they aren't strong enough to try it themselves are wrong. No one cares if you comment about yourself. People support those that talk about themselves but apparently they support people harming themselves like you continue to do. It makes me ashamed to think that you're being guided by these absolutely abhorrent people in this thread. You can help yourself. Don't let them stop you.

smeej 3y ago

"Integrating the trauma into your personality and by extension your life" isn't optional. Biologically, the trauma changed both your body and your mind. Your neurological and endocrine systems do not respond to stimuli as they would have if you had not experienced the trauma. It's highly analogous to a deeply damaging physical wound. It is part of you now, whether you want it to be or not. You can't undo it, and denying the reality of it won't actually help you live a healthy life without it.

seoulmetro 3y ago
Yes. So you and many other are encouraging letting the wound fester instead of healing it with all that you can. You can't undo it, but you can live with it and not let it fester. No one is talking about denial. My comments mention acceptance...
- smeej 3y ago
  What's your understanding of how a body heals a major wound, like the loss of an arm? It has to integrate this into a reshaped understanding of itself. That's what healing is. The core muscles have to rebalance to compensate for the missing weight. The neural pathways have to change in realization that, for example, instinctively trying to move that arm to catch a fall won't work anymore. The whole body has to relearn how to function now that it's different, now that the traumatic thing has happened. This is integrating. Trying to function the way it did before actually prolongs the suffering. Only healing and integration is the path forward.
  - seoulmetro 3y ago
    If you lose your arm you use the other one. You don't complain that you can't use arms now because it was your dominant arm... It ain't rocket science buddy. Sounds like you need to try read my parent comments again.