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How to win friends... Is an awful book and I'm tired of seeing it.

mentos 3y ago
Why’s that, I found it to be insightful. “15% of one's financial success is due to one's technical knowledge. 85% is due to skill in human engineering”
- totallywrong 3y ago
  I somewhat agree in principle, but that hasn't aged well.
- agumonkey 3y ago
  To be honest, my gut feeling is that it's a cynical observation and mediocre perspective on life in general.. removes some human qualities in life. That said: 1) adult life is often a swamp 2) not knowing how to play the game can harm you 3) often, cynicism wins over good hearted values for tons of simple reasons..
  - mentos 3y ago
    He goes on to say “Success is owed to personality and the ability to lead people -the person who has technical ability plus the ability to express ideas, assume leadership and to arouse enthusiasm among people” Not sure how that’s cynical maybe mediocre or trite but it was insightful to me as a programmer focused on code and less on people.
    - agumonkey 3y ago
      Hold on, I forgot the details, I think I watched a few videos recommending it and then skimmed through it. Maybe I skimmed too fast but all I got was a long list of simple tricks to charm others (hence my comment). Maybe I missed the point entirely .. which would be ironic because clear expression and creating enjoyable group dynamic is probably my main quest since the last 5 years.
medler 3y ago
Why do you say that? I like it and would recommend it to anyone. Since I’m asking you to critique it I’ll go ahead and critique it myself, even though I’m overall positive on it. It’s aimed mainly at middle-aged business owners who are used to getting what they want and are, well, assholes. As such, its main message is to be nice and try to see things from the other person’s perspective. That’s good advice for the target audience, but if an already-nice 16-year-old picks it up I fear they run the risk of thinking the advice is “be a doormat,” which is not a good idea. (I read one review by a young woman who said she read the book and became a doormat. Yikes. Don’t do that). That one pitfall aside, the book is chock full of good advice and imo deserves its place as a highly recommended guide to better people skills.
- theusus 3y ago
  My issue with the book is that it asks because to pretend that they are nice.
  - partomniscient 3y ago
    It should be titled "How to win friends and influence people by being insincere".
    - reducesuffering 3y ago
      I’m conflicted because on one hand I think, “did you people even read the book?” And on the other, if multiple people have this experience, the book was not written well enough to have a lasting impression of its intentions. Carnegie specifically mentions in the book how you need to be sincere and genuinely cultivate interest in people.
      - theusus 3y ago
        By asking to be sincere. Yeah thanks
rd 3y ago
Strong disagree. For 90% of engineers (i.e. robots), it's a 100% worth it read

Why’s that, I found it to be insightful. “15% of one's financial success is due to one's technical knowledge. 85% is due to skill in human engineering”

totallywrong 3y ago
I somewhat agree in principle, but that hasn't aged well.
agumonkey 3y ago
To be honest, my gut feeling is that it's a cynical observation and mediocre perspective on life in general.. removes some human qualities in life. That said: 1) adult life is often a swamp 2) not knowing how to play the game can harm you 3) often, cynicism wins over good hearted values for tons of simple reasons..
- mentos 3y ago
  He goes on to say “Success is owed to personality and the ability to lead people -the person who has technical ability plus the ability to express ideas, assume leadership and to arouse enthusiasm among people” Not sure how that’s cynical maybe mediocre or trite but it was insightful to me as a programmer focused on code and less on people.
  - agumonkey 3y ago
    Hold on, I forgot the details, I think I watched a few videos recommending it and then skimmed through it. Maybe I skimmed too fast but all I got was a long list of simple tricks to charm others (hence my comment). Maybe I missed the point entirely .. which would be ironic because clear expression and creating enjoyable group dynamic is probably my main quest since the last 5 years.

medler 3y ago

Why do you say that? I like it and would recommend it to anyone. Since I’m asking you to critique it I’ll go ahead and critique it myself, even though I’m overall positive on it. It’s aimed mainly at middle-aged business owners who are used to getting what they want and are, well, assholes. As such, its main message is to be nice and try to see things from the other person’s perspective. That’s good advice for the target audience, but if an already-nice 16-year-old picks it up I fear they run the risk of thinking the advice is “be a doormat,” which is not a good idea. (I read one review by a young woman who said she read the book and became a doormat. Yikes. Don’t do that). That one pitfall aside, the book is chock full of good advice and imo deserves its place as a highly recommended guide to better people skills.

theusus 3y ago
My issue with the book is that it asks because to pretend that they are nice.
- partomniscient 3y ago
  It should be titled "How to win friends and influence people by being insincere".
  - reducesuffering 3y ago
    I’m conflicted because on one hand I think, “did you people even read the book?” And on the other, if multiple people have this experience, the book was not written well enough to have a lasting impression of its intentions. Carnegie specifically mentions in the book how you need to be sincere and genuinely cultivate interest in people.
    - theusus 3y ago
      By asking to be sincere. Yeah thanks

rd 3y ago

Strong disagree. For 90% of engineers (i.e. robots), it's a 100% worth it read