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> Context: When I was laid off from Google, I knew I'd be deluged with questions. I wrote this FAQ to share with friends and family, to prevent repeated explana
by danparsonson 3y ago
> Context: When I was laid off from Google, I knew I'd be deluged with questions. I wrote this FAQ to share with friends and family, to prevent repeated explanation.
This is quite sweet in its stereotypical techie approach to life - your friends and family are asking questions about your situation because they care about and want to bond with you, not because they particularly care about the actual information you're conveying :-)
- caskstrength 3y agoYes, but you know _the_ rule of leaving Google - one must always publish an article about it to ensure that the whole world is aware ;)
- makeitdouble 3y agoThe other side of it is probably not wanting to bond and spend 30 minutes getting cared about. That might feel like a luxury, but to each their own.
- Groxx 3y agoThis plus not everyone wants to talk about it multiple times. Saying "no" can be tough without a fallback.
- deleted 3y ago[deleted]
- palata 3y agoWhich brings us to the second half of the parent's sentence: "not because they particularly care about the actual information you're conveying". If you don't want to bond and spend 30 minutes getting cared about, just say "I'm fine, I just don't want to talk about it right now". Maybe follow with "And you, how are you?", but that's optional. Again, they probably don't particularly care about the actual information.
- tysam_and 3y agoWell they can find alternative methods then that are less frazzling, there are fewer things worse than not feeling seen due to only answering questions! I know it can be good, but sometimes the questions can legitimately get in the way of connection and spending quality time, and not everyone wants to have the hard conversation while being in the hotseat (especially not over, and over, and over again. I am transgender, for example, and while having 1 mildly hostile family member would be a somewhat-problem, most of my extended family only wants to talk about that thing, and that one thing, with me, to the point where it effectively creates a wall. That at least is my experience of the issue, it's not quite the same, but I've definitely experienced the "questions dynamic" within other, much-more-mild scenarios, and generally, IMPE, I really dislike it unless I'm actively getting something interesting out of it, which I'm oftentimes not! It can be very much isolating, as far as my personal experience goes.) So, not really a terrible solution, I think! <3 :'))))
- dylan604 3y agoThen learn how to respond to questions that are being asked out of politeness and bonding vs some fellow techie that actually is interested in gobbledygook detailed answers. You can talk about work and why it was cool/fun/horrible/frustrating to non-techies and still bond with them in your commiseration of being laid off.
- tysam_and 3y agoI mean, again, that's not really the point that I was making. I'm talking about the foundational emotional need of connection, not everyone connects well in that manner, the quality of the response to the question doesn't always have a huge bearing on that. Like, sure, sometimes it is good bonding, and sometimes it's not, it's very much context dependent. If having the emotional security of not being in the hotseat answering questions from family members is necessary for an amount of emotional security on the OP's part, then I would consider that to be a good strategy. It might not be what you would do in that scenario, which is okay, as you and OP are different and might have different methods of addressing and meeting your respective emotional needs.
- fullspectrumdev 3y agoWith certain things like being laid off, being able to tap the sign is a lot nicer than relitigating something a couple of dozen times, which can be stressful.
- pcurve 3y agoI took this writing as a way for him to still reconcile unresolved feelings, seeing how he wants follow up with more writing on cultural shift at Google.
- lokar 3y agoAlso, he knows a lot of people. Not everyone who might be interested will feel like making direct contact.
- _xlxy 3y agoright. human being gets laid off. Has this ever happened before. It does seem like SV folks have an elevated sense of purpose. Which is maybe fair to a point because of SVs inclusion in our online lives. But really, it seems like people in high paid jobs getting laid off isn't so much news for anyone, in general. Maybe if there's some juice about how to order the world's information, but then they'd get sued for saying no doubt.
- dsr_ 3y agoNot everything on the Internet is aimed at you. Sometimes it's aimed at friends and family who the author doesn't see every week.
- _xlxy 3y agoDid I imply that it was, no, so why imply it. That's what social networks and email is for, not broadcasting it to the wider world, see, you're on Hacker News, me you, them and everyone in general.
- ttymck 3y ago> they care about and want to bond with you You haven't met my family. They just want gossip.
- deleted 3y ago[deleted]
- adrianmonk 3y agoI mean, most techies get that, but ask yourself: if it were you in this situation, could you really pass up on an opportunity to change an O(N) operation into O(1)?