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>Because they want to? I really don't get this attitude of rationalizing everything in terms of pros vs cons. It just teaches people to disregard how they feel

>Because they want to? I really don't get this attitude of rationalizing everything in terms of pros vs cons. It just teaches people to disregard how they feel Considering why you want the things you want is also worth doing in itself. You might realize that you want them for reasons that are no longer valid, or because someone else wants you to want them, or any number of bad reasons. You might realize that you don't really care about something you thought you wanted. >If you were to take them for society at large, marriage would be a net positive Marrying "for society" is probably the dumbest possible reason, even dumber than "because my parents want me to".

matrix87 3y ago
> or because someone else wants you to want them How is wanting to make someone else happy a bad reason? Sure, not everyone has your best intentions in mind. People don't sit around wanting to make scammers happy, normally it's those that they care about
- fluoridation 3y ago
  For example, it can be a bad reason if it's going to make you more unhappy than it makes them happy, or if to make 1 person happy you have to make 3 people unhappy. Speaking more personally, I think it's a bad idea to do things (especially major life decisions) to make other people happy. You should find out what you want to do, do it, and be with people who'll be happy with it. It's a waste of effort trying to please people who'd rather you were different from how you are.
  - frumper 3y ago
    I think you're right. If you don't want to marry, then you shouldn't do it just to make the other person happy. The problem seems to be that those same people also don't want to lose the other person by telling them they don't want to get married, so they get married.
    - fluoridation 3y ago
      Yeah, but that's why you have to veto very carefully someone that you're considering spending the rest of your life with. I mean, how much further are you willing to go just to keep the relationship? What if they want to live somewhere you don't like? What if they want kids and you don't? Etc. etc. And there's nothing wrong with compromise either, as long as you can live with the consequences, and god help you if you misjudge your ability to do so when you make your decision.

matrix87 3y ago

> or because someone else wants you to want them How is wanting to make someone else happy a bad reason? Sure, not everyone has your best intentions in mind. People don't sit around wanting to make scammers happy, normally it's those that they care about

fluoridation 3y ago
For example, it can be a bad reason if it's going to make you more unhappy than it makes them happy, or if to make 1 person happy you have to make 3 people unhappy. Speaking more personally, I think it's a bad idea to do things (especially major life decisions) to make other people happy. You should find out what you want to do, do it, and be with people who'll be happy with it. It's a waste of effort trying to please people who'd rather you were different from how you are.
- frumper 3y ago
  I think you're right. If you don't want to marry, then you shouldn't do it just to make the other person happy. The problem seems to be that those same people also don't want to lose the other person by telling them they don't want to get married, so they get married.
  - fluoridation 3y ago
    Yeah, but that's why you have to veto very carefully someone that you're considering spending the rest of your life with. I mean, how much further are you willing to go just to keep the relationship? What if they want to live somewhere you don't like? What if they want kids and you don't? Etc. etc. And there's nothing wrong with compromise either, as long as you can live with the consequences, and god help you if you misjudge your ability to do so when you make your decision.