2 ms·

I don't think it is really necessary to do a formal "program", if you can work through all the big topics effectively together. On the other hand, a lot of peo

by ska 3y ago

I don't think it is really necessary to do a formal "program", if you can work through all the big topics effectively together. On the other hand, a lot of people probably need help with that so I can see their value. I suspect that unless you as a couple are already aligned with a religious provider of this counselling (e.g. the same church), a secular service would likely be more effective. Not inherently, just more a fit with the particular couple. Which does sort of beg the question about why its not a more common discussed option? I mean, for a couple to seek out pre-marriage counselling outside of a religious context? Or even discuss it as an option. I've known several couples who did such a program but they were all doing it at the request or insistence of their particular church. And I've known several couples who have gone to (secular) marriage counselling, but only after the fact.

FalconSensei 3y ago
> I don't think it is really necessary to do a formal "program", if you can work through all the big topics effectively together. In theory, yes. But it's surprising how little het. cis couples talk about important stuff before getting married. Like, if/how many many, if they wanna live close to parents or move to another country, etc
- ska 3y ago
  > But it's surprising how little het. cis c Is that true? Anecdotally it doesn't seem to be from my circles of friends. At least those I know well enough for that sort of thing to have come up in conversation... Do you know of any research in the area suggesting it is uncommon? I definitely suspect what you say correlates to people who get married young, in my experience.
  - tialaramex 3y ago
    I'd have associated it with youth more than whether people are het / cis certainly. The "U-Haul Lesbian" cliche isn't about cishet folks, but you can bet the hypothetical "Lesbian on a second date" in the joke is not a 49 year old with kids from a previous marriage.

by ska 3y ago

FalconSensei 3y ago

> I don't think it is really necessary to do a formal "program", if you can work through all the big topics effectively together. In theory, yes. But it's surprising how little het. cis couples talk about important stuff before getting married. Like, if/how many many, if they wanna live close to parents or move to another country, etc

ska 3y ago
> But it's surprising how little het. cis c Is that true? Anecdotally it doesn't seem to be from my circles of friends. At least those I know well enough for that sort of thing to have come up in conversation... Do you know of any research in the area suggesting it is uncommon? I definitely suspect what you say correlates to people who get married young, in my experience.
- tialaramex 3y ago
  I'd have associated it with youth more than whether people are het / cis certainly. The "U-Haul Lesbian" cliche isn't about cishet folks, but you can bet the hypothetical "Lesbian on a second date" in the joke is not a 49 year old with kids from a previous marriage.