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FOMO The more experiences, the more one might become addicted to the feelings of first love, which tautologically puts downward pressure on long-term relations

FOMO The more experiences, the more one might become addicted to the feelings of first love, which tautologically puts downward pressure on long-term relationships. This probably account for divorce correlating with more prior partners.

MisterBastahrd 3y ago
Or maybe you just learn that you don't have to put up with being miserable your entire adult life instead of being naive and blind to what life has to offer you. I know plenty of couples who are around or near their 50th wedding anniversaries, most with their high school sweethearts. None of them are what I'd call "in love" with each other. They all go through the motions and they all pretty much live separate lives aside from doctor's visits and chores. They've all been miserable together for years.
- bad_user 3y ago
  I can't speak for the couples you know, although you're trying a generalization that seems wrong, so it's worth saying that having a spouse to call family, to share your life with, in its fullness, transcends any short term hormonal reactions and pleasure. I'm 40, and it's interesting to me that culture evolved such that younger generations prefer pleasure as a life purpose; and yet younger generations seem to be pretty sad, many still childless and living alone or with their parents well into their 30s. I think this is a serious cultural issue. Pleasure does not give you purpose or long term happiness for that matter. Growing a family does give you purpose. I am not saying that people shouldn't get divorced, which can be wonderful. People shouldn't feel miserable in their home. But if you divorce 2 or 3 times, maybe it's time to consider that you're to blame and change behavior before it's too late.
- AnimalMuppet 3y ago
  Married 33 years, still in love. Not in the honeymoon, first-love stage, but not just going through the motions and living separate lives, either. Definitely not miserable together. Some low-level unhappiness around the edges, but not miserable.
jdthedisciple 3y ago
> The more experiences, the more one might become addicted to the feelings of first love Precisely! This is exactly why the modern dating "culture" has ruined marriage - as in, both existing marriages as well as the tendency to get married in the first place!
bena 3y ago
People chase happiness instead of contentment. And we've also been conditioned to think that love does not require work. That it will "just be". So if there's friction, well, obviously it's not meant to be. Because if it was, we wouldn't have this friction. But everything is work. Nothing ever ends. We are in a constant state of change. Marriage isn't the end of relationships, it's a commitment to doing the work with someone. So obviously, I don't subscribe to the school of thought that relationships should be easy. And my frustrations with my partner are sometimes things I need to confront about myself. Things I need to change about how I interact with the world. And of course, there are things they should work on. And things we should work on together. I think that's part of how kids can cement marriages. Kids are obviously work. Sometimes so much so there's just not enough time or energy to care about the friction that would have collapsed a relationship previously. So you learn to be content with things. And you learn to work at relationships. Because you'll finally meet someone who is way more intractable than you are. Because you can't really punt a kid to the street. You have to make this work.

MisterBastahrd 3y ago

Or maybe you just learn that you don't have to put up with being miserable your entire adult life instead of being naive and blind to what life has to offer you. I know plenty of couples who are around or near their 50th wedding anniversaries, most with their high school sweethearts. None of them are what I'd call "in love" with each other. They all go through the motions and they all pretty much live separate lives aside from doctor's visits and chores. They've all been miserable together for years.

bad_user 3y ago
I can't speak for the couples you know, although you're trying a generalization that seems wrong, so it's worth saying that having a spouse to call family, to share your life with, in its fullness, transcends any short term hormonal reactions and pleasure. I'm 40, and it's interesting to me that culture evolved such that younger generations prefer pleasure as a life purpose; and yet younger generations seem to be pretty sad, many still childless and living alone or with their parents well into their 30s. I think this is a serious cultural issue. Pleasure does not give you purpose or long term happiness for that matter. Growing a family does give you purpose. I am not saying that people shouldn't get divorced, which can be wonderful. People shouldn't feel miserable in their home. But if you divorce 2 or 3 times, maybe it's time to consider that you're to blame and change behavior before it's too late.
AnimalMuppet 3y ago
Married 33 years, still in love. Not in the honeymoon, first-love stage, but not just going through the motions and living separate lives, either. Definitely not miserable together. Some low-level unhappiness around the edges, but not miserable.

jdthedisciple 3y ago

> The more experiences, the more one might become addicted to the feelings of first love Precisely! This is exactly why the modern dating "culture" has ruined marriage - as in, both existing marriages as well as the tendency to get married in the first place!

bena 3y ago

People chase happiness instead of contentment. And we've also been conditioned to think that love does not require work. That it will "just be". So if there's friction, well, obviously it's not meant to be. Because if it was, we wouldn't have this friction. But everything is work. Nothing ever ends. We are in a constant state of change. Marriage isn't the end of relationships, it's a commitment to doing the work with someone. So obviously, I don't subscribe to the school of thought that relationships should be easy. And my frustrations with my partner are sometimes things I need to confront about myself. Things I need to change about how I interact with the world. And of course, there are things they should work on. And things we should work on together. I think that's part of how kids can cement marriages. Kids are obviously work. Sometimes so much so there's just not enough time or energy to care about the friction that would have collapsed a relationship previously. So you learn to be content with things. And you learn to work at relationships. Because you'll finally meet someone who is way more intractable than you are. Because you can't really punt a kid to the street. You have to make this work.