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I sympathize and empathize with incels. Many of my friends have dating struggles, they're all great guys. The reason I don't is because I'm willing to get 1000s

I sympathize and empathize with incels. Many of my friends have dating struggles, they're all great guys. The reason I don't is because I'm willing to get 1000s of rejections, no matter how painful they are, I don't give a damn. I will learn from each rejection and get better, until I figure out how to attract the woman of my dreams. Anyway, that was my mindset a decade ago and since then didn't have had any issues. Recently was on the dating market again and the first month I spent 80 hours into going up and talking to women and only got one date. ONE DATE! :') I was rusty for sure. Fast forward 2 months and I'm on Tinder, 5 matches per month. Fast forward another 3 months, and now I'm having 150 matches per month (by thinking like a hacker, ever reverse engineered a binary or played hackthebox? Good! Use that mindset, reverse anything you can get your hands on, make Tinder a white box app - also, stay legal). Fast forward another 2 months and I was having sex with a different woman once per week. I realized I didn't like it, I'm too much of a romantic. At one date, I met an amazingly cool and beautiful person and we really liked each other and we've been together for about a year now. It's all skill training. And this was my second skill training loop (first time between 16 and 20). It still took 8 months and in the first months I was still laughably bad again (80 hours just to get one date, omg :') It cracked me up then and it cracks me up now). It's funny how people think this is attached to your personality and stuff, it really isn't. The skill in dating is going up to people and being able to present yourself well. I was horrible at both. It takes a while to fix (and to refix after 5 years of a long-term relationship) when you're like me.

GaryNumanVevo 3y ago
Are you doing okay? Genuinely, as this reads like a manic episode to me (as someone who suffers from bipolar)
- mettamage 3y ago
  Thanks for asking :) I think so. I do feel very strongly about this. I feel a lot of pain from when I was young. I also feel a lot of love from after I was young and fixed this part in my life. I can't help but embody both feelings. I normally don't mention it unless this topic is specifically addressed. In general, I feel quite calm. But yea, I can get quite intense.
zozbot234 3y ago
> The reason I don't is because I'm willing to get 1000s of rejections, no matter how painful they are Please don't do that, you're making women hate us because all they see is that they must constantly turn down people like you. You're behavior is part of the problem. Make some trusted friends of the opposite gender and seek dates within their peer group instead. (Well, "dating" is an anti-pattern anyway. Rather you should seek some clear-cut romantic interest from them as part of just hanging out, then asking them for a "date" is just a formality.)
- numbers_guy 3y ago
  Have to disagree. In particular with you subscribing him a dating strategy that works for you. Different strategies work for different people.
  - mettamage 3y ago
    Yea, that's what I've noticed too. Not everyone can do what I do. I went on that route and couldn't help some of my friends. I think the only thing one can say is that people need a strong yearning to figure it out if they have big issues with it. The second thing people need is a course in ethics + science. One needs to be able to evaluate the ethics proposed by whatever advice it is and think it through. And one needs to be able to verify/disprove claims in one way or another.
- mettamage 3y ago
  I disagree. I think men and women should approach much more. We're scared of strangers, we shouldn't be. We also shouldn't accept them with open arms, but the "stranger danger" thing that we have in our society is too simplistic and toxic IMO. I also approach men, I approach dogs, I approach the world. When people don't like it, I back off. When people like it, I explore the interaction with them. In terms of dating: many women that reject me tell me that they like my approach. I ask for feedback in many cases. I am respectful too. I hold my distance because I respect people. People say that nice guys finish last. I guess they've never thought about nice guys that have a wild side to them and are more hardcore than most bad boys will ever be. There are ways to be incredibly nice and respectful and still have that edge to you. That edge shines through. I don't even tease women as part of my attraction strategy :') On being nice: I think teasing/banter is a bit dysfunctional in many cases and not nice. I know I'm a bit extreme in this and many people think it's okay. I am a bit allergic to it. I'd rather just be playful. Instead of being "dominant" I'd rather be enthusiastic and curious. Instead of being "higher status" I'd rather just be immersed and enthralled by the magic of life and show people that magic that I experience as I want to experience theirs. Experiencing life feels artsy, I like people who enjoy that and that's enough for attraction. Having zest for life means having zest for adventure. It means to have zest for the unknown that people are scared of. Suddenly some women realize that I have much more courage than most people (true or not, that is how it comes across) and are attracted to it. That's how you can be nice to everyone yet still get the attractive traits of a "bad boy". Be adventurous, be passionate, be imaginative and be playful. The only part I had to cultivate here was the adventurous part. I was already curious but scared. Curiosity + courage = adventure! Also, my dating strategy has been working for the past 10+ years. Here's a timeline. 16 - 21: getting the skill. 21 - 22: relationship 1 2 month period of approaching women 22 - 27: relationship 2 2 month period of approaching women 27 - 33: relationship 3 8 month period of approaching women & Tinder (I got really rusty) Now I'm on relationship 4. Also, the relationships get better and better. One can never be sure, but I believe this relationship is for life. So all in all, I've been out there for a period of 12 months between relationships and in the past for 5 years as a teenager. No woman has ever been hitting on me, so when I'm in a relationship, there's nothing going on with other women ever - not even flirting. I like it that way. People have long forgotten me by now.

GaryNumanVevo 3y ago

Are you doing okay? Genuinely, as this reads like a manic episode to me (as someone who suffers from bipolar)

mettamage 3y ago
Thanks for asking :) I think so. I do feel very strongly about this. I feel a lot of pain from when I was young. I also feel a lot of love from after I was young and fixed this part in my life. I can't help but embody both feelings. I normally don't mention it unless this topic is specifically addressed. In general, I feel quite calm. But yea, I can get quite intense.

zozbot234 3y ago

> The reason I don't is because I'm willing to get 1000s of rejections, no matter how painful they are Please don't do that, you're making women hate us because all they see is that they must constantly turn down people like you. You're behavior is part of the problem. Make some trusted friends of the opposite gender and seek dates within their peer group instead. (Well, "dating" is an anti-pattern anyway. Rather you should seek some clear-cut romantic interest from them as part of just hanging out, then asking them for a "date" is just a formality.)

numbers_guy 3y ago
Have to disagree. In particular with you subscribing him a dating strategy that works for you. Different strategies work for different people.
- mettamage 3y ago
  Yea, that's what I've noticed too. Not everyone can do what I do. I went on that route and couldn't help some of my friends. I think the only thing one can say is that people need a strong yearning to figure it out if they have big issues with it. The second thing people need is a course in ethics + science. One needs to be able to evaluate the ethics proposed by whatever advice it is and think it through. And one needs to be able to verify/disprove claims in one way or another.
mettamage 3y ago
I disagree. I think men and women should approach much more. We're scared of strangers, we shouldn't be. We also shouldn't accept them with open arms, but the "stranger danger" thing that we have in our society is too simplistic and toxic IMO. I also approach men, I approach dogs, I approach the world. When people don't like it, I back off. When people like it, I explore the interaction with them. In terms of dating: many women that reject me tell me that they like my approach. I ask for feedback in many cases. I am respectful too. I hold my distance because I respect people. People say that nice guys finish last. I guess they've never thought about nice guys that have a wild side to them and are more hardcore than most bad boys will ever be. There are ways to be incredibly nice and respectful and still have that edge to you. That edge shines through. I don't even tease women as part of my attraction strategy :') On being nice: I think teasing/banter is a bit dysfunctional in many cases and not nice. I know I'm a bit extreme in this and many people think it's okay. I am a bit allergic to it. I'd rather just be playful. Instead of being "dominant" I'd rather be enthusiastic and curious. Instead of being "higher status" I'd rather just be immersed and enthralled by the magic of life and show people that magic that I experience as I want to experience theirs. Experiencing life feels artsy, I like people who enjoy that and that's enough for attraction. Having zest for life means having zest for adventure. It means to have zest for the unknown that people are scared of. Suddenly some women realize that I have much more courage than most people (true or not, that is how it comes across) and are attracted to it. That's how you can be nice to everyone yet still get the attractive traits of a "bad boy". Be adventurous, be passionate, be imaginative and be playful. The only part I had to cultivate here was the adventurous part. I was already curious but scared. Curiosity + courage = adventure! Also, my dating strategy has been working for the past 10+ years. Here's a timeline. 16 - 21: getting the skill. 21 - 22: relationship 1 2 month period of approaching women 22 - 27: relationship 2 2 month period of approaching women 27 - 33: relationship 3 8 month period of approaching women & Tinder (I got really rusty) Now I'm on relationship 4. Also, the relationships get better and better. One can never be sure, but I believe this relationship is for life. So all in all, I've been out there for a period of 12 months between relationships and in the past for 5 years as a teenager. No woman has ever been hitting on me, so when I'm in a relationship, there's nothing going on with other women ever - not even flirting. I like it that way. People have long forgotten me by now.