4 ms·

Interesting article. I particularly liked this comment towards the end: We must remember, though, that teasing, like so many things, gets better with age. Sta

by naish 18y ago

Interesting article. I particularly liked this comment towards the end: We must remember, though, that teasing, like so many things, gets better with age. Starting at around 11 or 12, children become much more sophisticated in their ability to hold contradictory propositions about the world — they move from Manichaean either-or, black-or-white reasoning to a more ironic, complex understanding. As a result, as any chagrined parent will tell you, they add irony and sarcasm to their social repertory. And it is at this age that you begin to see a precipitous drop in the reported incidences of bullying. As children learn the subtleties of teasing, their teasing is less often experienced as damaging.

harpastum 18y ago
What exactly is the author arguing there? After becoming fluent in irony and sarcasm, you won't 'experience' that asshole beating you up at recess as 'damaging'? I find it much more likely that the social punishment for being a bully greatly increases as the social structure builds, and it hits critical mass by the time children are 11-12 years old. The bullies then must become more subtle about their actions. I agree that teasing definitely has its benefits, but this author's portrait of teasing as an innocent victim just has me confused. Teasing is an extremely subjective social concept, and the same actions can be either teasing or bullying depending on the situation. If one of my friends comes up behind me and tackles me playfully (I'm a rugby player, so this isn't an uncommon occurrence), that's just an everyday part of life--but if a stranger took me to the ground while I was walking down the street, I wouldn't be so forgiving. It's up to the teasee when teasing becomes bullying, and I think it's a great idea for schools to have policies against bullies. If you enjoy it, it's not stalking, but if it is, you need to be able to get a restraining order.
Chocobean 18y ago
It was an interesting article indeed, but I disagree with him that it "gets better with aging". Think about work-place verbal abuses disguised as jest, or parental "funny" put-downs spoken to adult children, or when an adult jokes about his/her spouses' performance in intimate situations or lack of financial prowess, or that he/she's "still chasing that making it big dream". It could still hurt, even when the subject of teasing realizes that it is meant to be funny. The only thing that changes with age is our ability to laugh at ourselves along with them, or to laugh back, or the ability to distance ourselves from the abuser. The author has taken the acquiring of fight/flight defense mechanisms which comes with age for granted. My other comment on this thread: the luxury of being able to fight is what distinguishes good teasing from bad teasing. Those of us who have ever been teased will know what I mean.

by naish 18y ago

harpastum 18y ago

What exactly is the author arguing there? After becoming fluent in irony and sarcasm, you won't 'experience' that asshole beating you up at recess as 'damaging'? I find it much more likely that the social punishment for being a bully greatly increases as the social structure builds, and it hits critical mass by the time children are 11-12 years old. The bullies then must become more subtle about their actions. I agree that teasing definitely has its benefits, but this author's portrait of teasing as an innocent victim just has me confused. Teasing is an extremely subjective social concept, and the same actions can be either teasing or bullying depending on the situation. If one of my friends comes up behind me and tackles me playfully (I'm a rugby player, so this isn't an uncommon occurrence), that's just an everyday part of life--but if a stranger took me to the ground while I was walking down the street, I wouldn't be so forgiving. It's up to the teasee when teasing becomes bullying, and I think it's a great idea for schools to have policies against bullies. If you enjoy it, it's not stalking, but if it is, you need to be able to get a restraining order.

Chocobean 18y ago

It was an interesting article indeed, but I disagree with him that it "gets better with aging". Think about work-place verbal abuses disguised as jest, or parental "funny" put-downs spoken to adult children, or when an adult jokes about his/her spouses' performance in intimate situations or lack of financial prowess, or that he/she's "still chasing that making it big dream". It could still hurt, even when the subject of teasing realizes that it is meant to be funny. The only thing that changes with age is our ability to laugh at ourselves along with them, or to laugh back, or the ability to distance ourselves from the abuser. The author has taken the acquiring of fight/flight defense mechanisms which comes with age for granted. My other comment on this thread: the luxury of being able to fight is what distinguishes good teasing from bad teasing. Those of us who have ever been teased will know what I mean.