3 ms·

Over the past 6 years married to a woman who grew up in China, I've become more aware of how often we Americans say the exact opposite of what they mean, but in

Over the past 6 years married to a woman who grew up in China, I've become more aware of how often we Americans say the exact opposite of what they mean, but instead convey their actual meaning through context, tone of voice, or whatever. It took us about 2 years to really learn how to talk to each other.

floxy 3y ago
Could you give us some examples?
- stcredzero 3y ago
  Well, I was in China at a reunion dinner event with my wife a couple weeks back, and she asked me if I wanted some of some dish, and I said, "Sure, ok," where I said it in a way to really mean, "Not so much, but okay, I'll take a bite just to be polite." (It was my wife's class reunion event.) And it kept on going like that for the next 4 or so dishes, and my wife kept on seeing that I was getting more and more annoyed, so she kept on trying to feed me more, which just meant that I kept on getting more stuff I really didn't want to eat. There are other times which are the opposite. Like, when I ask my wife if she wants some rice or some porridge, and she says very imperatively. "I will do it myself." She actually means straightforwardly, I am going to do it myself, not that she's displeased with me and that she's not going to accept any token from me and is going to punish me in several small ways now. (Which is what many of my ex-girlfriends would have meant.) It's actually hard to give examples in a text medium like this, because so much of it is really context and tone of voice.
Gyrantula2 3y ago
>a woman who grew up in China That's an odd way to say what you're saying
- cassianoleal 3y ago
  I assume you're implying they meant she's Chinese. From GP's text I assumed she's not Chinese but for whatever reason (parents worked there, she was adopted as a grown-ish kid, something else) she spent most of her formative years there. Maybe we're both wrong but on its face what GP wrote doesn't strike as odd at all to me.
  - em-bee 3y ago
    she could be chinese, but given how many chinese live in america, stating that she grew up in china is a helpful distinction.

floxy 3y ago

Could you give us some examples?

stcredzero 3y ago
Well, I was in China at a reunion dinner event with my wife a couple weeks back, and she asked me if I wanted some of some dish, and I said, "Sure, ok," where I said it in a way to really mean, "Not so much, but okay, I'll take a bite just to be polite." (It was my wife's class reunion event.) And it kept on going like that for the next 4 or so dishes, and my wife kept on seeing that I was getting more and more annoyed, so she kept on trying to feed me more, which just meant that I kept on getting more stuff I really didn't want to eat. There are other times which are the opposite. Like, when I ask my wife if she wants some rice or some porridge, and she says very imperatively. "I will do it myself." She actually means straightforwardly, I am going to do it myself, not that she's displeased with me and that she's not going to accept any token from me and is going to punish me in several small ways now. (Which is what many of my ex-girlfriends would have meant.) It's actually hard to give examples in a text medium like this, because so much of it is really context and tone of voice.

Gyrantula2 3y ago

>a woman who grew up in China That's an odd way to say what you're saying

cassianoleal 3y ago
I assume you're implying they meant she's Chinese. From GP's text I assumed she's not Chinese but for whatever reason (parents worked there, she was adopted as a grown-ish kid, something else) she spent most of her formative years there. Maybe we're both wrong but on its face what GP wrote doesn't strike as odd at all to me.
- em-bee 3y ago
  she could be chinese, but given how many chinese live in america, stating that she grew up in china is a helpful distinction.