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> Thank you for dinner” felt to me as an act of distancing Is this really? I am French so we are rather private (in the sense that friendship is something that

> Thank you for dinner” felt to me as an act of distancing Is this really? I am French so we are rather private (in the sense that friendship is something that takes time, and before that there are rather generic interactions). But if my best friend whom I adore and whatnot did a dinner for me I would thank him very much. I wild be surprised if "thank you" is not used between friends in the Netherlands

mpol 3y ago
Yes, it can be used. Depending on different nuances and intonations, it can be considered polite and distancing, or authentic and meant for connecting.
stcredzero 3y ago
> Thank you for dinner” felt to me as an act of distancing True story. One of the major times I almost broke up (before we got married) with my wife, who grew up in Fujian China, is the first time I told her, "I love you," and she replied, "Thank you." (Now, on our anniversary, I might get her a bouquet with a note saying, "You're welcome.") First time I almost broke up with her before we married was our very first date, when she was 45 minutes late. She finally called me, telling me that the CEO came in at the last moment with a new idea, and that she would be there as soon as she could. Afterwards, she was an additional 45 minutes late, because just after she got off the phone, the CEO came in with another idea. Where she's from, where she grew up, this kind of thing is just unfortunate but, "understandable."
twiss 3y ago
I think part of the reason was what was missing: > I would have liked my guests to say that they were looking forward to spending more time with me, that they really liked the evening together, or that they felt happy or connected to me. As a Dutch person, I think saying "Thanks for dinner, was fun!" is fine, but I could see how saying just the first part, or focusing too much on the effort spent on the food, could make me suspicious, as if that was the most positive thing that can be said about the evening. Also, I think it's quite common to exchange a few words about when one might meet next, either concretely ("See you at X event?") or vaguely ("Let's meet again sometime soon!"). If it's left out, one might suspect the other party doesn't want to meet again, perhaps.
teekert 3y ago
I'm Dutch and I'd also think a "thank you for dinner" feels like: "Thanks for the meal, but not all the other things (like the gezelligheid).". The meal you can get anywhere. But the gezelligheid is the connection, the real thing to be grateful for. If you leave sooner than expected you also need a bit of a good reason. We have this rhyme (my grand parents had in on a tile in the hallway): "Wie hier als vriend naar binnen gaat, komt nooit te vroeg maar steeds te laat"? Meaning: "Who enters here as a friend will never be early but always late." I have to say, I'm like that, my wife definitely isn't, so it's not really a law of nature. But where I live (in the south) it's common for friends to just walk around the back of the house and walk into the door unannounced, it's a sign of true closeness. Though I also think that is getting less common. Idk, might be the internet diluting all cultures.

mpol 3y ago

Yes, it can be used. Depending on different nuances and intonations, it can be considered polite and distancing, or authentic and meant for connecting.

stcredzero 3y ago

> Thank you for dinner” felt to me as an act of distancing True story. One of the major times I almost broke up (before we got married) with my wife, who grew up in Fujian China, is the first time I told her, "I love you," and she replied, "Thank you." (Now, on our anniversary, I might get her a bouquet with a note saying, "You're welcome.") First time I almost broke up with her before we married was our very first date, when she was 45 minutes late. She finally called me, telling me that the CEO came in at the last moment with a new idea, and that she would be there as soon as she could. Afterwards, she was an additional 45 minutes late, because just after she got off the phone, the CEO came in with another idea. Where she's from, where she grew up, this kind of thing is just unfortunate but, "understandable."

twiss 3y ago

I think part of the reason was what was missing: > I would have liked my guests to say that they were looking forward to spending more time with me, that they really liked the evening together, or that they felt happy or connected to me. As a Dutch person, I think saying "Thanks for dinner, was fun!" is fine, but I could see how saying just the first part, or focusing too much on the effort spent on the food, could make me suspicious, as if that was the most positive thing that can be said about the evening. Also, I think it's quite common to exchange a few words about when one might meet next, either concretely ("See you at X event?") or vaguely ("Let's meet again sometime soon!"). If it's left out, one might suspect the other party doesn't want to meet again, perhaps.

teekert 3y ago

I'm Dutch and I'd also think a "thank you for dinner" feels like: "Thanks for the meal, but not all the other things (like the gezelligheid).". The meal you can get anywhere. But the gezelligheid is the connection, the real thing to be grateful for. If you leave sooner than expected you also need a bit of a good reason. We have this rhyme (my grand parents had in on a tile in the hallway): "Wie hier als vriend naar binnen gaat, komt nooit te vroeg maar steeds te laat"? Meaning: "Who enters here as a friend will never be early but always late." I have to say, I'm like that, my wife definitely isn't, so it's not really a law of nature. But where I live (in the south) it's common for friends to just walk around the back of the house and walk into the door unannounced, it's a sign of true closeness. Though I also think that is getting less common. Idk, might be the internet diluting all cultures.