Anyone serious wouldn't "drive to the colo to swap out a failing line card" they keep have excess capacity and spares in the colo, and have the on-site personne

Anyone serious wouldn't "drive to the colo to swap out a failing line card" they keep have excess capacity and spares in the colo, and have the on-site personnel from the facility replace it. Honestly just sounds like the environment you describe has greater organizational issues not related to on prem vs cloud.