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I don't like the word incel and I've been labeled as that by people for simply having unconventional opinions which is ironic given the fact that I'm married.

I don't like the word incel and I've been labeled as that by people for simply having unconventional opinions which is ironic given the fact that I'm married. Incels are real and they are extremist. But in the dating game and in the world of relationships things are fundamentally unequal. Women have many many advantages and they have things a lot easier in many cases. This is real and even hinting at this gets you labeled as an incel. The current status quo of what people assume to be true as implied in the article is wrong. Incels have noticed this and taken it to the extreme. The problem is most people really buy into this idealistic narrative of relationships and these descriptions that are flat out wrong. Here's a common example and this will actually trigger most people because it's so unconventional: When it comes to relationships men are the more romantic and emotional sex while women are the more logical and practical sex. Think about it. Men do all these irrational things that are "romantic" in the form of gifts and tribute and they offer all this to a woman almost unconditionally. The women on the other hand makes a practical choice. She chooses the man based off a multitude of attributes including income which is highly, highly practical and logical. For men, did the income of a woman ever matter? Does her job even really matter? It's illogical not to factor that in as it influenced the relationship. But as all men know, income and occupation and even status isn't even part of the criteria. Men are illogical when it comes to relationships. Also think about it. If a man loses his job or becomes in capable of supporting a family. What does a woman with options do? She will leave. Her relationship with a man is conditioned on practicality. If It is practical for her to leave most women will. What if a woman becomes unemployed and unable to support the family? No problem there. Because the man loves her romantically, not practically. Any man reading this will know what I'm saying is true. But this goes against the modern narrative. You can get attacked and labeled for saying such a thing. It sounds bad but it is what it is. It's just the way things are. Overall what I'm trying to say here is that the word incel has been weaponized and over used. Incels do exist. But the worst thing that's happening here is not the concept of an incel. The status quo of what most men and women understand about male or female behavior is just fundamentally wrong and way too idealistic. There are dark truths here that we don't want to face and a lot of people who throw around the word "incel" are such people who are afraid. This is reality: Men and women are not equal. They are different physically, mentally, intellectually, emotionally and psychologically and many of these differences are biological in nature. This unequality is not fair and balanced either... there's no black magic that says for every male weakness there's a female strength and counterpart to make up for it or vice versa. There are real reasons why there are more men in tech than women other than "oppression" and If you can't accept this and if you think this is an "incel" mentality, then I'm sorry to say you're not in touch with reality.

JieJie 3y ago
It is a shame that the concepts of "treated equally" and "are equal" are so close, but so far away. P.S. Thanks for going out on a limb and sharing your valid experience.
foogazi 3y ago
What stands out to me from your comment is the extreme differentiation of men & women as if they were different species It’s just a genetic bit-flip in the womb - let’s not get carried away. We are in the same league just drafted into different teams. Your post catastrophizes and over-generalizes to reach a worst case outcome - Man unable to care for his family: Temporarily? Forever? How many men can’t get a job ever again ? Not many Reality: people have ups and downs. Wherever you are in life there’s people doing fine with less than you - Woman with “options” leaves - whatever that means - another worse case scenario thinking: oh no she leaves! Reality: free people meet, and break up all the time for a multitude of reasons. Not the end of the world. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion
- corethree 3y ago
  >What stands out to me from your comment is the extreme differentiation of men & women as if they were different species Sexual dimorphism within species can be extreme. See the angler fish: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/565905509399387626 https://www.pinterest.com/pin/565905509399387626. The physical and behavioral differences at the macrolevel can be equivalent to different species. There is zero fundamental mechanism stopping this from happening. >It’s just a genetic bit-flip in the womb - let’s not get carried away. We are in the same league just drafted into different teams. It is not a genetic bit-flip. It's an entire chromosome. About 1000 genes on the X and about 50 on the Y chromosome that encode for proteins. The side effects arising from these proteins propagate exponentially into actual macro differences. >Your post catastrophizes and over-generalizes to reach a worst case outcome >- Man unable to care for his family: Temporarily? Forever? How many men can’t get a job ever again ? Not many There's no over generalization here. I am talking about an extreme where the man is permanently out of job. That's where the differences between male and female psychology become readily apparent. If a woman becomes incapable of getting a job ever again, the male will not leave her solely FOR that reason. If the opposing extreme happens, the female WILL leave him. There's no point in talking about things that aren't extreme. Because our normal operating mode is in an area that isn't extreme anyway. We understand ordinary daily life because we live it everyday. We don't understand the extremities as well. I can tell you what I brought up here is a topic that often women and men don't understand about each other. The women doesn't fully understand how impractical, deep and romantic a mans love for her is... a man often doesn't understand how practical and conditional a womens love for him is. The love is indeed one sided. It is similar to maternal/paternal love as well. If a mother has one child, she will usually love that child more then that child loves her. There are exceptions to this rule and multiple children can complicate the matter but the generality remains true. >Reality: people have ups and downs. Wherever you are in life there’s people doing fine with less than you Yeah so? this is orthogonal to my point. Women are the practical sex. Men are the romantic sex. Couples may never hit this extreme long enough for the differences to show and thus never fully elucidate the true inner psychology of their partners. Your point here doesn't offer anything to the argument. It's just an off topic fact. I agree with it, but so what? >Reality: free people meet, and break up all the time for a multitude of reasons. Not the end of the world. So? I don't disagree with this statement. How does this build on any of our respective points? All I am saying is that the man will be less likely to leave for practical reasons. Not leaving is ALSO a free market decision. If a women is out of a job, she needn't worry about the man leaving her. If a man is out of job, he's on a timer, the women will leave him eventually if he doesn't contribute anything practical. As a man, I personally would wish I were just as rational and logical as women are, but I'm not and that's just a fact of reality. The women will usually characterize the reason for leaving as the man not doing his "fair share" of the work and just staying at home all day. Something of that nature. There are tons of relationships that end this way. What women need to understand is that a man will not leave a women for this reason. There are other dark reasons that can cause a man to leave but THIS is not one of them. >https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion This applies to you more than me as you have demonstrated with several orthogonal points that lend zero relevancy to your point. I actually agreed with several of those points without effecting my initial stance.

JieJie 3y ago

It is a shame that the concepts of "treated equally" and "are equal" are so close, but so far away. P.S. Thanks for going out on a limb and sharing your valid experience.

foogazi 3y ago

What stands out to me from your comment is the extreme differentiation of men & women as if they were different species It’s just a genetic bit-flip in the womb - let’s not get carried away. We are in the same league just drafted into different teams. Your post catastrophizes and over-generalizes to reach a worst case outcome - Man unable to care for his family: Temporarily? Forever? How many men can’t get a job ever again ? Not many Reality: people have ups and downs. Wherever you are in life there’s people doing fine with less than you - Woman with “options” leaves - whatever that means - another worse case scenario thinking: oh no she leaves! Reality: free people meet, and break up all the time for a multitude of reasons. Not the end of the world. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion

corethree 3y ago
>What stands out to me from your comment is the extreme differentiation of men & women as if they were different species Sexual dimorphism within species can be extreme. See the angler fish: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/565905509399387626 https://www.pinterest.com/pin/565905509399387626. The physical and behavioral differences at the macrolevel can be equivalent to different species. There is zero fundamental mechanism stopping this from happening. >It’s just a genetic bit-flip in the womb - let’s not get carried away. We are in the same league just drafted into different teams. It is not a genetic bit-flip. It's an entire chromosome. About 1000 genes on the X and about 50 on the Y chromosome that encode for proteins. The side effects arising from these proteins propagate exponentially into actual macro differences. >Your post catastrophizes and over-generalizes to reach a worst case outcome >- Man unable to care for his family: Temporarily? Forever? How many men can’t get a job ever again ? Not many There's no over generalization here. I am talking about an extreme where the man is permanently out of job. That's where the differences between male and female psychology become readily apparent. If a woman becomes incapable of getting a job ever again, the male will not leave her solely FOR that reason. If the opposing extreme happens, the female WILL leave him. There's no point in talking about things that aren't extreme. Because our normal operating mode is in an area that isn't extreme anyway. We understand ordinary daily life because we live it everyday. We don't understand the extremities as well. I can tell you what I brought up here is a topic that often women and men don't understand about each other. The women doesn't fully understand how impractical, deep and romantic a mans love for her is... a man often doesn't understand how practical and conditional a womens love for him is. The love is indeed one sided. It is similar to maternal/paternal love as well. If a mother has one child, she will usually love that child more then that child loves her. There are exceptions to this rule and multiple children can complicate the matter but the generality remains true. >Reality: people have ups and downs. Wherever you are in life there’s people doing fine with less than you Yeah so? this is orthogonal to my point. Women are the practical sex. Men are the romantic sex. Couples may never hit this extreme long enough for the differences to show and thus never fully elucidate the true inner psychology of their partners. Your point here doesn't offer anything to the argument. It's just an off topic fact. I agree with it, but so what? >Reality: free people meet, and break up all the time for a multitude of reasons. Not the end of the world. So? I don't disagree with this statement. How does this build on any of our respective points? All I am saying is that the man will be less likely to leave for practical reasons. Not leaving is ALSO a free market decision. If a women is out of a job, she needn't worry about the man leaving her. If a man is out of job, he's on a timer, the women will leave him eventually if he doesn't contribute anything practical. As a man, I personally would wish I were just as rational and logical as women are, but I'm not and that's just a fact of reality. The women will usually characterize the reason for leaving as the man not doing his "fair share" of the work and just staying at home all day. Something of that nature. There are tons of relationships that end this way. What women need to understand is that a man will not leave a women for this reason. There are other dark reasons that can cause a man to leave but THIS is not one of them. >https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion This applies to you more than me as you have demonstrated with several orthogonal points that lend zero relevancy to your point. I actually agreed with several of those points without effecting my initial stance.