4 ms·

This seems quite condescending; I'm not sure if that's your intent. I've met people who have "taken refuge" in such communities precisely because of real life

This seems quite condescending; I'm not sure if that's your intent. I've met people who have "taken refuge" in such communities precisely because of real life interactions. E.g., being bullied continuously through school, being rejected or laughed at by women. Being online obviously exacerbates the issue (be it radical forums, social media, online dating), but I think saying people only believe X because they're online misses the mark.

Pigalowda 3y ago
They’re not victims.
- richbell 3y ago
  What exactly are you trying to say here?
- nickthegreek 3y ago
  As with most things in life, absolutes do no favors. Some are victims, and some are probably just assholes. Wholesale discounting their experiences and feelings is no way to help them through their issues, made up or not.
  - voidwtf 3y ago
    So does generalizing an entire sex based off a handful of anecdotal experiences. I’ll never condone bullying, but I also teach my children not to make themselves a target. Rejection happens sometimes, if it keeps happening maybe we need to do some self-assessment. Joining an echo chamber of people who blame society or an entire genders autonomy for their own personal issue is not healthy.
    - nickthegreek 3y ago
      Saying some might be victims is not joining their echo chamber. Saying none of them are victims is generalizing just as incels generalize their issues with women. I’m here advocating to stop using binary language when discussing these issues.
      - voidwtf 3y ago
        I did not say “none of them are victims”. I explicitly do not condone bullying. Being rejected does not make them victims. Maybe the reference to teaching my child not to make themselves a target implied I was victim blaming and that was not my intent. My son has a few idiosyncrasies that makes him the awesome individual he is, sometimes he can be very obstinate and does not think about the person he’s speaking to. I have to remind him that some of his school mates weren’t raised like he was and if he speaks to them that way they may respond violently.
javajosh 3y ago
>This seems quite condescending; I'm not sure if that's your intent. It's not. It's a fine-line between being empathetic and enabling. Just as there's a difference between being rejected by women and using that as evidence that no women will ever love you, or that women themselves are the problem. I believe that these online communities reenforce the narrative of collective victimhood, when really it's an individual with a bad string of luck, a sensitive soul, who would do better to learn to be stoic, equanimous, and find joy in themselves and the fight. Because life is hard. We will all suffer great injustice at some point. But that doesn't mean its hopeless; it's a challenge for us to transcend. I've known very ugly men in real life who had great personalities and no problem meeting women. It would have been easy for them to grow cynical and dark, but they didn't.

Pigalowda 3y ago

They’re not victims.

richbell 3y ago
What exactly are you trying to say here?
nickthegreek 3y ago
As with most things in life, absolutes do no favors. Some are victims, and some are probably just assholes. Wholesale discounting their experiences and feelings is no way to help them through their issues, made up or not.
- voidwtf 3y ago
  So does generalizing an entire sex based off a handful of anecdotal experiences. I’ll never condone bullying, but I also teach my children not to make themselves a target. Rejection happens sometimes, if it keeps happening maybe we need to do some self-assessment. Joining an echo chamber of people who blame society or an entire genders autonomy for their own personal issue is not healthy.
  - nickthegreek 3y ago
    Saying some might be victims is not joining their echo chamber. Saying none of them are victims is generalizing just as incels generalize their issues with women. I’m here advocating to stop using binary language when discussing these issues.
    - voidwtf 3y ago
      I did not say “none of them are victims”. I explicitly do not condone bullying. Being rejected does not make them victims. Maybe the reference to teaching my child not to make themselves a target implied I was victim blaming and that was not my intent. My son has a few idiosyncrasies that makes him the awesome individual he is, sometimes he can be very obstinate and does not think about the person he’s speaking to. I have to remind him that some of his school mates weren’t raised like he was and if he speaks to them that way they may respond violently.

javajosh 3y ago

>This seems quite condescending; I'm not sure if that's your intent. It's not. It's a fine-line between being empathetic and enabling. Just as there's a difference between being rejected by women and using that as evidence that no women will ever love you, or that women themselves are the problem. I believe that these online communities reenforce the narrative of collective victimhood, when really it's an individual with a bad string of luck, a sensitive soul, who would do better to learn to be stoic, equanimous, and find joy in themselves and the fight. Because life is hard. We will all suffer great injustice at some point. But that doesn't mean its hopeless; it's a challenge for us to transcend. I've known very ugly men in real life who had great personalities and no problem meeting women. It would have been easy for them to grow cynical and dark, but they didn't.