I'm mostly joking, but the ideal system is probably having a set of (somewhat?) conflicting metrics and picking one at random on a regular basis as the most sig

I'm mostly joking, but the ideal system is probably having a set of (somewhat?) conflicting metrics and picking one at random on a regular basis as the most significant measure for an organization. You can't stop people from trying to win the game, that's human nature; instead, just keep changing up the rules.