author here: yeah from 15-25 all of my successes were just 'this has to happen, if i fail, I'll just be poor and a fucking loser' of course i got into college

author here: yeah from 15-25 all of my successes were just 'this has to happen, if i fail, I'll just be poor and a fucking loser' of course i got into college, i have to, my parents left china so i could be here of course i got a good job, i gave up so much of my childhood to try to get ahead. of course people think x, i gave up so much to have y. at some point i realised this was just like... not a great way to live my life. --- Nowadays i feel much better. Even if have coffee a friend, its like "wow im so grateful, my friends love me and spend time with me" Its definitly woo woo self help, but again these are the lies i tell myself.