3 ms·

Have you learned empathy on the way?

mnky9800n 3y ago
I have an amazing amount of empathy for this person who is sitting there telling themselves that they are terrible, their life is a product of the traumatic history. I feel the pain in their words when they respond telling of the grandiose achievements they would have obtained if only. I understand the anger and justification they feel when they start a sentence "if only it had been different..." I have been in this headspace. But it wasn't different. My life wasn't different either no matter how much I wished that it was so. And no matter how much I felt the pain from the trauma I suffered, that trauma never went away. That's why I know the choice to move away from this identity, and it really is an identity, is a very difficult choice and requires a lot of hard work. Because at some point that trauma lives on because of your choice to keep it alive. I have spent years in therapy overcoming such trauma. And finally I'm putting it behind me. I fully support this person making similar choices and would be happy to provide resources for them to pursue. But they have to want that and they don't seem to want it in this moment. I can empathize with that decision too. I made it for a long time before I became tired of living my life in pain.
- StreetChief 3y ago
  I'm a little shocked you would tell someone "[I] don't care about your history," and "they don't seem to want help." Did you ever hear people tell you that? Did it help? I certainly feel insulted by your 'pull yourself up by your bootstraps sonny," tone.
  - mnky9800n 3y ago
    Nothing really ever helped me get out of the mindset I was in until I felt like helping myself. It is the nature of the beast in my opinion. Although I agree with you. I was being a bit dismissive. I think it's because the original poster simply dismisses what everyone has to say no matter what they are saying.
- hypertele-Xii 3y ago
  You appear to be inserting your own words into my mouth. Nowhere did I say I was terrible. In fact, I'm doing better than ever before. That's in large part due to accurate accounting. You even say I'm "sitting here" with a connotation of passivity, as if there's no way I could be typing this at a standing desk or a phone while on the move. You're trying to hammer "victim mentality" so hard down my throat it's... kind of hilarious. These grandiose achievements as you put them consist of basic necessities for survival. The fact you use words like "grandiose" reveals a deeply dismissive attitude towards the suffering of others. I'm guessing, because you've completely dismissed your own suffering, along with the benefits of accurate accounting. Maybe that was the only way for you to move forward. I'm capable of having awareness and accounting and still moving forward. You seem to be so afraid of past truth you're literally exclaiming "it doesn't matter" while intensely commenting on mine and sharing your own. So clearly it does matter to some repressed part of you. > no matter how much I felt the pain from the trauma I suffered, that trauma never went away. Soo... stop feeling the pain and just do accurate accounting. Why are you making this so complicated? > And finally I'm putting it behind me. No offense, the way you talk doesn't sound like that's actually happening.
  - StreetChief 3y ago
    This response gives me hope - don't let the haters bring us down! Keep on keepin' on!

I have an amazing amount of empathy for this person who is sitting there telling themselves that they are terrible, their life is a product of the traumatic history. I feel the pain in their words when they respond telling of the grandiose achievements they would have obtained if only. I understand the anger and justification they feel when they start a sentence "if only it had been different..." I have been in this headspace. But it wasn't different. My life wasn't different either no matter how much I wished that it was so. And no matter how much I felt the pain from the trauma I suffered, that trauma never went away. That's why I know the choice to move away from this identity, and it really is an identity, is a very difficult choice and requires a lot of hard work. Because at some point that trauma lives on because of your choice to keep it alive. I have spent years in therapy overcoming such trauma. And finally I'm putting it behind me. I fully support this person making similar choices and would be happy to provide resources for them to pursue. But they have to want that and they don't seem to want it in this moment. I can empathize with that decision too. I made it for a long time before I became tired of living my life in pain.

StreetChief 3y ago
I'm a little shocked you would tell someone "[I] don't care about your history," and "they don't seem to want help." Did you ever hear people tell you that? Did it help? I certainly feel insulted by your 'pull yourself up by your bootstraps sonny," tone.
- mnky9800n 3y ago
  Nothing really ever helped me get out of the mindset I was in until I felt like helping myself. It is the nature of the beast in my opinion. Although I agree with you. I was being a bit dismissive. I think it's because the original poster simply dismisses what everyone has to say no matter what they are saying.
hypertele-Xii 3y ago
You appear to be inserting your own words into my mouth. Nowhere did I say I was terrible. In fact, I'm doing better than ever before. That's in large part due to accurate accounting. You even say I'm "sitting here" with a connotation of passivity, as if there's no way I could be typing this at a standing desk or a phone while on the move. You're trying to hammer "victim mentality" so hard down my throat it's... kind of hilarious. These grandiose achievements as you put them consist of basic necessities for survival. The fact you use words like "grandiose" reveals a deeply dismissive attitude towards the suffering of others. I'm guessing, because you've completely dismissed your own suffering, along with the benefits of accurate accounting. Maybe that was the only way for you to move forward. I'm capable of having awareness and accounting and still moving forward. You seem to be so afraid of past truth you're literally exclaiming "it doesn't matter" while intensely commenting on mine and sharing your own. So clearly it does matter to some repressed part of you. > no matter how much I felt the pain from the trauma I suffered, that trauma never went away. Soo... stop feeling the pain and just do accurate accounting. Why are you making this so complicated? > And finally I'm putting it behind me. No offense, the way you talk doesn't sound like that's actually happening.
- StreetChief 3y ago
  This response gives me hope - don't let the haters bring us down! Keep on keepin' on!