5 ms·

Everything I said is inescapable fact. A victim mentality would be "I can't do anything about it". I have the opposite mindset, so you're entirely wrong to sugg

Everything I said is inescapable fact. A victim mentality would be "I can't do anything about it". I have the opposite mindset, so you're entirely wrong to suggest this. An accurate account of history is not victim mentality, it's truth.

thfuran 3y ago
>The worst part is the chronic thinking that I could've/should've/would've done something amazing, if a single shit had been given at any point along the way. Such a waste of human potential. Fixation on how your present circumstances might be better if not for the wrong done by others to the extent that you describe it as a severe and chronic issue is neither inescapable nor particularly factual.
- mnky9800n 3y ago
  Even if it was factual it's not a terribly effective way of getting to where you want to go
- hypertele-Xii 3y ago
  > Fixation on how your present circumstances might be better if not for the wrong done by others to the extent that you describe it as a severe and chronic issue is neither inescapable nor particularly factual. So your stance is that I imagined the whole thing? You're not making any sense here. It's absolutely, undisputably factual that when a child lacks basic necessities for development, they don't develop properly and will suffer as a consequence. As a consciously conscious being, I have awareness of that suffering. That's not a "fixation", it's an actual chronic issue that makes life 100x harder than it needs to be, and awareness of the issue is the antidote to preventing something similar from happening to others, especially by my doing. You are attempting to null my experience, I don't know why, but you're failing at it because you cannot null the cold, hard, objective, measurable facts simply by saying "nuh uh".
  - thfuran 3y ago
    >So your stance is that I imagined the whole thing? Yes, the life you could've had but didn't exists only in your imagination. >You're not making any sense here. It's absolutely, undisputably factual that when a child lacks basic necessities for development, they don't develop properly and will suffer as a consequence. No, it isn't. Some children do alright in shit circumstances, while some fail to in great circumstances. And some people suffer despite the trappings of success while others are content with what others may describe as failure. >As a consciously conscious being, I have awareness of that suffering. That's not a "fixation", it's an actual chronic issue that makes life 100x harder than it needs to be, Do you think any suffering in childhood inevitably leads to a lifetime of inescapable suffering? If not, just how much early suffering does it take? If a child who suffered slightly less can get over it, why not the one who suffered slightly more?
mnky9800n 3y ago
Tbh I don't care about your history. I had a terrible childhood too. The story is long and boring but it includes beatings, broken bones, being drugged without my consent, and other terrible and traumatic abuses along with the high IQ, super ability, gifted, blah blah blah. But who cares. Now I have a PhD, I have a great job, and a wonderful gf. A lot of that is because I gave up holding onto that story I sat and told myself about how terrible and true my history was like you are doing. It doesn't matter that your accounting of your history is accurate or not. Telling yourself these things is not effective behaviour at building yourself into the person you want to be. But nobody is going to make you change. You will either wake up one day and be so tired of your own bullshit that you will start to change. Or you won't. It's really all up to you.
- StreetChief 3y ago
  Have you learned empathy on the way?
  - mnky9800n 3y ago
    I have an amazing amount of empathy for this person who is sitting there telling themselves that they are terrible, their life is a product of the traumatic history. I feel the pain in their words when they respond telling of the grandiose achievements they would have obtained if only. I understand the anger and justification they feel when they start a sentence "if only it had been different..." I have been in this headspace. But it wasn't different. My life wasn't different either no matter how much I wished that it was so. And no matter how much I felt the pain from the trauma I suffered, that trauma never went away. That's why I know the choice to move away from this identity, and it really is an identity, is a very difficult choice and requires a lot of hard work. Because at some point that trauma lives on because of your choice to keep it alive. I have spent years in therapy overcoming such trauma. And finally I'm putting it behind me. I fully support this person making similar choices and would be happy to provide resources for them to pursue. But they have to want that and they don't seem to want it in this moment. I can empathize with that decision too. I made it for a long time before I became tired of living my life in pain.

thfuran 3y ago

>The worst part is the chronic thinking that I could've/should've/would've done something amazing, if a single shit had been given at any point along the way. Such a waste of human potential. Fixation on how your present circumstances might be better if not for the wrong done by others to the extent that you describe it as a severe and chronic issue is neither inescapable nor particularly factual.

mnky9800n 3y ago
Even if it was factual it's not a terribly effective way of getting to where you want to go
hypertele-Xii 3y ago
> Fixation on how your present circumstances might be better if not for the wrong done by others to the extent that you describe it as a severe and chronic issue is neither inescapable nor particularly factual. So your stance is that I imagined the whole thing? You're not making any sense here. It's absolutely, undisputably factual that when a child lacks basic necessities for development, they don't develop properly and will suffer as a consequence. As a consciously conscious being, I have awareness of that suffering. That's not a "fixation", it's an actual chronic issue that makes life 100x harder than it needs to be, and awareness of the issue is the antidote to preventing something similar from happening to others, especially by my doing. You are attempting to null my experience, I don't know why, but you're failing at it because you cannot null the cold, hard, objective, measurable facts simply by saying "nuh uh".
- thfuran 3y ago
  >So your stance is that I imagined the whole thing? Yes, the life you could've had but didn't exists only in your imagination. >You're not making any sense here. It's absolutely, undisputably factual that when a child lacks basic necessities for development, they don't develop properly and will suffer as a consequence. No, it isn't. Some children do alright in shit circumstances, while some fail to in great circumstances. And some people suffer despite the trappings of success while others are content with what others may describe as failure. >As a consciously conscious being, I have awareness of that suffering. That's not a "fixation", it's an actual chronic issue that makes life 100x harder than it needs to be, Do you think any suffering in childhood inevitably leads to a lifetime of inescapable suffering? If not, just how much early suffering does it take? If a child who suffered slightly less can get over it, why not the one who suffered slightly more?

mnky9800n 3y ago

Tbh I don't care about your history. I had a terrible childhood too. The story is long and boring but it includes beatings, broken bones, being drugged without my consent, and other terrible and traumatic abuses along with the high IQ, super ability, gifted, blah blah blah. But who cares. Now I have a PhD, I have a great job, and a wonderful gf. A lot of that is because I gave up holding onto that story I sat and told myself about how terrible and true my history was like you are doing. It doesn't matter that your accounting of your history is accurate or not. Telling yourself these things is not effective behaviour at building yourself into the person you want to be. But nobody is going to make you change. You will either wake up one day and be so tired of your own bullshit that you will start to change. Or you won't. It's really all up to you.

StreetChief 3y ago
Have you learned empathy on the way?
- mnky9800n 3y ago
  I have an amazing amount of empathy for this person who is sitting there telling themselves that they are terrible, their life is a product of the traumatic history. I feel the pain in their words when they respond telling of the grandiose achievements they would have obtained if only. I understand the anger and justification they feel when they start a sentence "if only it had been different..." I have been in this headspace. But it wasn't different. My life wasn't different either no matter how much I wished that it was so. And no matter how much I felt the pain from the trauma I suffered, that trauma never went away. That's why I know the choice to move away from this identity, and it really is an identity, is a very difficult choice and requires a lot of hard work. Because at some point that trauma lives on because of your choice to keep it alive. I have spent years in therapy overcoming such trauma. And finally I'm putting it behind me. I fully support this person making similar choices and would be happy to provide resources for them to pursue. But they have to want that and they don't seem to want it in this moment. I can empathize with that decision too. I made it for a long time before I became tired of living my life in pain.