5 ms·

I work with a lot of people (both adults and students) who have this kind of intelligence and who are used to being the smartest person around. I can tell you

I work with a lot of people (both adults and students) who have this kind of intelligence and who are used to being the smartest person around. I can tell you that your feeling of wasted potential isn't just a consequence of how you were treated. Most people in this situation have it. Even when they are wildly successful by any other standard. Like PhDs from ivies are normal, the number of people walking down the hallway who are billionaires is astoundingly high, etc. You would be shocked at the self harm, depression, and suicide rate that at this level. All because of this idea of "oh, I could have won a Nobel" (I'm certain that if they had they would find a way to be sad about wasted potential anyway). The solution is therapy. Don't wait. Just go do it. Just because you're smart doesn't mean that you don't need that kind of help. It might mean that you need it even more!

verisimi 3y ago
Some CBT, quick!
jrgoff 3y ago
I'm curious if you have any suggestions for such people to find a successful therapy fit (I'm asking both out of personal curiosity as well as hoping that it will help others)? I'm not in that category of brilliant, but I tried therapy off and on for 10 or 15 years before I started feeling like it really helped. I think part of the problem is that I didn't know what was "wrong" with me - I knew that I had trouble with maintaining romantic relationships and I knew that I was sometimes unhappy (though I was rarely willing to admit to myself how unhappy I often was), but I didn't really know why. And I spent a lot of time introspecting, so generally when I tried therapy out the therapist wouldn't have any real insights that I hadn't thought of already. I didn't dislike my therapists, but generally would give up after a few months of not feeling like any progress was being made. I'm not sure all of what went into things working out for me in therapy the past couple of years, but I think at least a part of it was shifting into a more emotions based approach. I'm not sure how open to that I would have been when I was younger. My tendency to approach most things intellectually was a very powerful tool, but it wasn't successful at getting to the underlying feelings I was not really aware of. Having more access to those feelings has been overwhelming at times, but also has enabled a lot of ongoing progress on being more satisfied with my life.
- mnky9800n 3y ago
  I would recommend schema therapy to anyone. It has helped me immensely to understand feelings, thoughts, reactions, and also to decide what is and isn't something I should attend to. Additionally I would recommend dialectical behaviour therapy to anyone. It gives you the skills to interact with the knowledge gained from schema therapy. Lastly, I recommend doing mindfulness training. If you only spend 5 minutes a day it will change your life. I am able to be calm when before I wasn't, able to be thoughtful about others when before I would react, able to focus on a task and organise my day when before I could not muster the executive function to brush my teeth. These things have made my life considerably better.
- light_hue_1 3y ago
  Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is at the moment the most effective form of therapy we have. It can take a few tries to find someone who you click with. CBT isn't about someone giving you an aha moment into your own feelings or giving you advice you hadn't thought of (although that does happen). It's more about giving you skills to reinterpret those feelings, their sources, and the actions that result from them. So even if you feel like you introspect and understand how you're doing, CBT can be very effective in being more satisfied with life.
hypertele-Xii 3y ago
Therapy is not a solution, it's just wasting time dwelling on the problems, which I'm already aware of and struggling to fix. There is nothing a therapist can tell me that I don't already know, and aren't already doing. I don't self-harm, I'm not suicidal, I'm not even depressed. I'm just so late to the party that the chances of making it shrink ever smaller each year. No therapist can ever turn back time, so no therapist can ever help.
- mnky9800n 3y ago
  You have a very narrow view of therapy. Modern, research based therapy practice like dialectical behaviour therapy don't really care about your past or whatever oppression you suffered. They give you the skills necessary to interact with your life today. If you are struggling to handle problems yet believe you already know and are doing everything then I would suggest you find some humility.
  - hypertele-Xii 3y ago
    > They give you the skills necessary to interact with your life today. I'm fully interacting with my life today. My life today is not a problem. I'm the master of survival skills for my particular environment - I would've died already otherwise. The problem is the circumstances that failed to cultivate and extract my potential. The problem was leaving me to fend for myself. The problem was godlessness, immorality, violence, and stupidity. No therapist can fix that. Ergo, therapy is a waste of time. > If you are struggling to handle problems yet believe you already know and are doing everything then I would suggest you find some humility. Can you explain this? Knowing and doing everything is a struggle almost by definition. This struggle I welcome with glee because it's a struggle I choose to endure for the betterment of my quality of life, and through health and productivity, hopefully a benefit to all one day.
    - ericjmorey 3y ago
      Simply from reading your own statements, I can see that you're wrong. I'm probably not as smart as you, yet I can see that you're wrong, but you cannot, why is that?
Yoric 3y ago
> I can tell you that your feeling of wasted potential isn't just a consequence of how you were treated. Most people in this situation have it. Yup. I was reasonably well-treated as a gifted kid (well, still bullied to death, but at least, I had smart + available parents and many opportunities to learn by myself). I still suffer from that. I do have a few achievements behind my belt. I have a PhD, I have code running on your computer and in low earth orbit. Pretty much every junior developer learns stuff that I (and many, many others) have contributed to create. I raise a kid, I donate blood, money, time to charities. And I can't escape the feeling that I'm wasting my time, that I could/should be doing something greater, and that I'm basically useless as is. Yes, I probably need some kind of therapy :)
- operatingthetan 3y ago
  > And I can't escape the feeling that I'm wasting my time, that I could/should be doing something greater, and that I'm basically useless as is. Sometimes I feel like humans have a limiter put on them and someday we could 'fix' it. I occasionally get a glimpse of huge ideas that aren't just built on existing stuff, but then it fades and I'm back to the grind.

verisimi 3y ago

Some CBT, quick!

jrgoff 3y ago

I'm curious if you have any suggestions for such people to find a successful therapy fit (I'm asking both out of personal curiosity as well as hoping that it will help others)? I'm not in that category of brilliant, but I tried therapy off and on for 10 or 15 years before I started feeling like it really helped. I think part of the problem is that I didn't know what was "wrong" with me - I knew that I had trouble with maintaining romantic relationships and I knew that I was sometimes unhappy (though I was rarely willing to admit to myself how unhappy I often was), but I didn't really know why. And I spent a lot of time introspecting, so generally when I tried therapy out the therapist wouldn't have any real insights that I hadn't thought of already. I didn't dislike my therapists, but generally would give up after a few months of not feeling like any progress was being made. I'm not sure all of what went into things working out for me in therapy the past couple of years, but I think at least a part of it was shifting into a more emotions based approach. I'm not sure how open to that I would have been when I was younger. My tendency to approach most things intellectually was a very powerful tool, but it wasn't successful at getting to the underlying feelings I was not really aware of. Having more access to those feelings has been overwhelming at times, but also has enabled a lot of ongoing progress on being more satisfied with my life.

mnky9800n 3y ago
I would recommend schema therapy to anyone. It has helped me immensely to understand feelings, thoughts, reactions, and also to decide what is and isn't something I should attend to. Additionally I would recommend dialectical behaviour therapy to anyone. It gives you the skills to interact with the knowledge gained from schema therapy. Lastly, I recommend doing mindfulness training. If you only spend 5 minutes a day it will change your life. I am able to be calm when before I wasn't, able to be thoughtful about others when before I would react, able to focus on a task and organise my day when before I could not muster the executive function to brush my teeth. These things have made my life considerably better.
light_hue_1 3y ago
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is at the moment the most effective form of therapy we have. It can take a few tries to find someone who you click with. CBT isn't about someone giving you an aha moment into your own feelings or giving you advice you hadn't thought of (although that does happen). It's more about giving you skills to reinterpret those feelings, their sources, and the actions that result from them. So even if you feel like you introspect and understand how you're doing, CBT can be very effective in being more satisfied with life.

hypertele-Xii 3y ago

Therapy is not a solution, it's just wasting time dwelling on the problems, which I'm already aware of and struggling to fix. There is nothing a therapist can tell me that I don't already know, and aren't already doing. I don't self-harm, I'm not suicidal, I'm not even depressed. I'm just so late to the party that the chances of making it shrink ever smaller each year. No therapist can ever turn back time, so no therapist can ever help.

mnky9800n 3y ago
You have a very narrow view of therapy. Modern, research based therapy practice like dialectical behaviour therapy don't really care about your past or whatever oppression you suffered. They give you the skills necessary to interact with your life today. If you are struggling to handle problems yet believe you already know and are doing everything then I would suggest you find some humility.
- hypertele-Xii 3y ago
  > They give you the skills necessary to interact with your life today. I'm fully interacting with my life today. My life today is not a problem. I'm the master of survival skills for my particular environment - I would've died already otherwise. The problem is the circumstances that failed to cultivate and extract my potential. The problem was leaving me to fend for myself. The problem was godlessness, immorality, violence, and stupidity. No therapist can fix that. Ergo, therapy is a waste of time. > If you are struggling to handle problems yet believe you already know and are doing everything then I would suggest you find some humility. Can you explain this? Knowing and doing everything is a struggle almost by definition. This struggle I welcome with glee because it's a struggle I choose to endure for the betterment of my quality of life, and through health and productivity, hopefully a benefit to all one day.
  - ericjmorey 3y ago
    Simply from reading your own statements, I can see that you're wrong. I'm probably not as smart as you, yet I can see that you're wrong, but you cannot, why is that?

Yoric 3y ago

> I can tell you that your feeling of wasted potential isn't just a consequence of how you were treated. Most people in this situation have it. Yup. I was reasonably well-treated as a gifted kid (well, still bullied to death, but at least, I had smart + available parents and many opportunities to learn by myself). I still suffer from that. I do have a few achievements behind my belt. I have a PhD, I have code running on your computer and in low earth orbit. Pretty much every junior developer learns stuff that I (and many, many others) have contributed to create. I raise a kid, I donate blood, money, time to charities. And I can't escape the feeling that I'm wasting my time, that I could/should be doing something greater, and that I'm basically useless as is. Yes, I probably need some kind of therapy :)

operatingthetan 3y ago
> And I can't escape the feeling that I'm wasting my time, that I could/should be doing something greater, and that I'm basically useless as is. Sometimes I feel like humans have a limiter put on them and someday we could 'fix' it. I occasionally get a glimpse of huge ideas that aren't just built on existing stuff, but then it fades and I'm back to the grind.