7 ms·

This is me. I have an IQ of 163. All I heard my entire childhood was "you're so smart, you don't need help, you just have an attitude problem". Was placed in th

This is me. I have an IQ of 163. All I heard my entire childhood was "you're so smart, you don't need help, you just have an attitude problem". Was placed in the only special class in school, where all the kids from the other side of the normal distribution were placed - retards, bullies, etc. Got beaten every day until I learned to fight back. At what point was I supposed to have the time and energy to learn? There were no role models. My parents are horrible. Just skipped school as much as I could to play with tech/computers. Still unproven if all my experience amounts to anything. A genius quietly suffering in poverty and loneliness, fallen off every bandwagon, used and abused, desperately trying to achieve literally anything. The worst part is the chronic thinking that I could've/should've/would've done something amazing, if a single shit had been given at any point along the way. Such a waste of human potential. Even if it wasn't my fault as a child, it's my responsibility to fix as a developmentally disabled adult. To this day nobody gives a shit. So I work out, do what little work I can, cry myself to sleep, and pray for God to use me as an instrument for good. The next 10 years will make or break me.

defrost 3y ago
> I have an IQ of 163. That's remarkable given the current world population of 8 billion. Given a normal IQ distribution centred about 100 and a standard deviation of 10 that puts you in the upper half of the six sigma range ... along with (approx) only 7 other people on the planet.
- scythe 3y ago
  The standard deviation is 15 IIRC. Mine was measured at 159 when I was young (according to my father) which amusingly is the same as Lisa Simpson's.
- ahazred8ta 3y ago
  That's about one person out of every 30,000. Not too incredibly unusual. 160 is 4-sigma. There are ten thousand people in the US like that. Probably several dozen here on HN.
- tristor 3y ago
  IQ is scored on an SD15 or SD16 scale, not an SD10 scale. On a more typical SD15 scale an IQ of 163 is 1 in 74883 people, or around 4500 people in the US. It’s lower than my IQ, and I’ve by happenstance met people with the exact same IQ working in the same company. Tech in particular tends to attract high IQ individuals, so I wouldn’t be surprised if there are hundreds or thousands of HN users with similar IQs or higher.
light_hue_1 3y ago
I work with a lot of people (both adults and students) who have this kind of intelligence and who are used to being the smartest person around. I can tell you that your feeling of wasted potential isn't just a consequence of how you were treated. Most people in this situation have it. Even when they are wildly successful by any other standard. Like PhDs from ivies are normal, the number of people walking down the hallway who are billionaires is astoundingly high, etc. You would be shocked at the self harm, depression, and suicide rate that at this level. All because of this idea of "oh, I could have won a Nobel" (I'm certain that if they had they would find a way to be sad about wasted potential anyway). The solution is therapy. Don't wait. Just go do it. Just because you're smart doesn't mean that you don't need that kind of help. It might mean that you need it even more!
- verisimi 3y ago
  Some CBT, quick!
- jrgoff 3y ago
  I'm curious if you have any suggestions for such people to find a successful therapy fit (I'm asking both out of personal curiosity as well as hoping that it will help others)? I'm not in that category of brilliant, but I tried therapy off and on for 10 or 15 years before I started feeling like it really helped. I think part of the problem is that I didn't know what was "wrong" with me - I knew that I had trouble with maintaining romantic relationships and I knew that I was sometimes unhappy (though I was rarely willing to admit to myself how unhappy I often was), but I didn't really know why. And I spent a lot of time introspecting, so generally when I tried therapy out the therapist wouldn't have any real insights that I hadn't thought of already. I didn't dislike my therapists, but generally would give up after a few months of not feeling like any progress was being made. I'm not sure all of what went into things working out for me in therapy the past couple of years, but I think at least a part of it was shifting into a more emotions based approach. I'm not sure how open to that I would have been when I was younger. My tendency to approach most things intellectually was a very powerful tool, but it wasn't successful at getting to the underlying feelings I was not really aware of. Having more access to those feelings has been overwhelming at times, but also has enabled a lot of ongoing progress on being more satisfied with my life.
verisimi 3y ago
> The worst part is the chronic thinking that I could've/should've/would've done something amazing, if a single shit had been given at any point along the way. Like what? Define amazing. Become the founder of some extractive start up? Write some bs science and gain a nobel prize? Be the best chess player? My view is that you always have to put yourself together. Intellect is simply a factor, but so is honesty and the state of your heart. You can be very smart and you can still be stupid. You sound a bit resentful, but do you ever consider that your experience grants you the opportunity to lead life away from the well-travelled track to success, and do something personally and actually meaningful?
- bobmaxup 3y ago
  This planet has a lot of time left in it for humans to do things. One human missing an opportunity doesn't lead to the statistical outcome that that opportunity wont be fulfilled in the future. An individual is not that important to humanity as a whole progressing. Live your life.
  - verisimi 3y ago
    Its not a game of aggregation, despite everything you have been told. Oneself is not humanity at large. Ignore the jumped-up, self proclaimed authorities, the things they have taught you, the servile mentality and mental structure you are in. Oneself is the only thing important in one's life. Every individual is infinitely valuable. It's simple too - just forget everything you know, and do right, by following truth and love. It costs nothing. PS I recognise that I must sound like a fruitcake, but the answers come from within. The revolution will not be televised.
    - hypertele-Xii 3y ago
      > Oneself is the only thing important in one's life. Also known as narcissism.
      - verisimi 3y ago
amtamt 3y ago
Different people have Different speeds in $things. If one piece of the system is at a different (slower/ faster) speed where majority pieces are on another but more or less similar speed to each othet, the one piece is going to get burnt quick. Options... use gears at touch points to match speed, or have a robust outer layer to eliminate impact of friction, or Try to control speed to match the system A combination of these options, may work. Challenge is to identfy the required option and apply what works for a given situation, which is another activity needing quite some brain cycles. Just an observation... Hope your upcoming life is pleasant.
MrDresden 3y ago
For what its worth I'm genuinely sorry that this happened to you.
mnky9800n 3y ago
I would let go of this victim mentality sooner rather than later.
- hypertele-Xii 3y ago
  Everything I said is inescapable fact. A victim mentality would be "I can't do anything about it". I have the opposite mindset, so you're entirely wrong to suggest this. An accurate account of history is not victim mentality, it's truth.
  - thfuran 3y ago
    >The worst part is the chronic thinking that I could've/should've/would've done something amazing, if a single shit had been given at any point along the way. Such a waste of human potential. Fixation on how your present circumstances might be better if not for the wrong done by others to the extent that you describe it as a severe and chronic issue is neither inescapable nor particularly factual.
    - mnky9800n 3y ago
      Even if it was factual it's not a terribly effective way of getting to where you want to go
    - hypertele-Xii 3y ago
      > Fixation on how your present circumstances might be better if not for the wrong done by others to the extent that you describe it as a severe and chronic issue is neither inescapable nor particularly factual. So your stance is that I imagined the whole thing? You're not making any sense here. It's absolutely, undisputably factual that when a child lacks basic necessities for development, they don't develop properly and will suffer as a consequence. As a consciously conscious being, I have awareness of that suffering. That's not a "fixation", it's an actual chronic issue that makes life 100x harder than it needs to be, and awareness of the issue is the antidote to preventing something similar from happening to others, especially by my doing. You are attempting to null my experience, I don't know why, but you're failing at it because you cannot null the cold, hard, objective, measurable facts simply by saying "nuh uh".
mrcartmeneses 3y ago
I’m sure this will get downvoted but you might also have depression or PTSD. Talk to your doctor about Ketamine treatment for depression and look into MDMA for PTSD. Both drugs can be abused but can also be extremely effective at treating the above conditions. As far as reaching your potential goes, just be kind to yourself
- hypertele-Xii 3y ago
  Can confirm these are good suggestions, already been there, already done that, did indeed help :)
ceuk 3y ago
I have an IQ of 148 which the educational psychiatrist who did my test told me put me in the top 0.02% of the UK. I63 is.. insane It's pretty neat to find someone smarter than me (and actually be aware of the fact). If it helps: I think we're all a bit broken.. But whilst the first 23 years of my life were pretty rough, I'm thriving in my late 30s. My unsolicited advice would be to find something that makes your feel good about who you are and throw yourself into it. Life and your resilience/ability to take on challenges will get so much better with a few wins under your belt. I also can't overestimate how valuable a supportive partner is. Step 1: make sure you're worth it. Better to be kind than clever as Bezos famously said.

defrost 3y ago

> I have an IQ of 163. That's remarkable given the current world population of 8 billion. Given a normal IQ distribution centred about 100 and a standard deviation of 10 that puts you in the upper half of the six sigma range ... along with (approx) only 7 other people on the planet.

scythe 3y ago
The standard deviation is 15 IIRC. Mine was measured at 159 when I was young (according to my father) which amusingly is the same as Lisa Simpson's.
ahazred8ta 3y ago
That's about one person out of every 30,000. Not too incredibly unusual. 160 is 4-sigma. There are ten thousand people in the US like that. Probably several dozen here on HN.
tristor 3y ago
IQ is scored on an SD15 or SD16 scale, not an SD10 scale. On a more typical SD15 scale an IQ of 163 is 1 in 74883 people, or around 4500 people in the US. It’s lower than my IQ, and I’ve by happenstance met people with the exact same IQ working in the same company. Tech in particular tends to attract high IQ individuals, so I wouldn’t be surprised if there are hundreds or thousands of HN users with similar IQs or higher.

light_hue_1 3y ago

I work with a lot of people (both adults and students) who have this kind of intelligence and who are used to being the smartest person around. I can tell you that your feeling of wasted potential isn't just a consequence of how you were treated. Most people in this situation have it. Even when they are wildly successful by any other standard. Like PhDs from ivies are normal, the number of people walking down the hallway who are billionaires is astoundingly high, etc. You would be shocked at the self harm, depression, and suicide rate that at this level. All because of this idea of "oh, I could have won a Nobel" (I'm certain that if they had they would find a way to be sad about wasted potential anyway). The solution is therapy. Don't wait. Just go do it. Just because you're smart doesn't mean that you don't need that kind of help. It might mean that you need it even more!

verisimi 3y ago
Some CBT, quick!
jrgoff 3y ago
I'm curious if you have any suggestions for such people to find a successful therapy fit (I'm asking both out of personal curiosity as well as hoping that it will help others)? I'm not in that category of brilliant, but I tried therapy off and on for 10 or 15 years before I started feeling like it really helped. I think part of the problem is that I didn't know what was "wrong" with me - I knew that I had trouble with maintaining romantic relationships and I knew that I was sometimes unhappy (though I was rarely willing to admit to myself how unhappy I often was), but I didn't really know why. And I spent a lot of time introspecting, so generally when I tried therapy out the therapist wouldn't have any real insights that I hadn't thought of already. I didn't dislike my therapists, but generally would give up after a few months of not feeling like any progress was being made. I'm not sure all of what went into things working out for me in therapy the past couple of years, but I think at least a part of it was shifting into a more emotions based approach. I'm not sure how open to that I would have been when I was younger. My tendency to approach most things intellectually was a very powerful tool, but it wasn't successful at getting to the underlying feelings I was not really aware of. Having more access to those feelings has been overwhelming at times, but also has enabled a lot of ongoing progress on being more satisfied with my life.

verisimi 3y ago

> The worst part is the chronic thinking that I could've/should've/would've done something amazing, if a single shit had been given at any point along the way. Like what? Define amazing. Become the founder of some extractive start up? Write some bs science and gain a nobel prize? Be the best chess player? My view is that you always have to put yourself together. Intellect is simply a factor, but so is honesty and the state of your heart. You can be very smart and you can still be stupid. You sound a bit resentful, but do you ever consider that your experience grants you the opportunity to lead life away from the well-travelled track to success, and do something personally and actually meaningful?

bobmaxup 3y ago
This planet has a lot of time left in it for humans to do things. One human missing an opportunity doesn't lead to the statistical outcome that that opportunity wont be fulfilled in the future. An individual is not that important to humanity as a whole progressing. Live your life.
- verisimi 3y ago
  Its not a game of aggregation, despite everything you have been told. Oneself is not humanity at large. Ignore the jumped-up, self proclaimed authorities, the things they have taught you, the servile mentality and mental structure you are in. Oneself is the only thing important in one's life. Every individual is infinitely valuable. It's simple too - just forget everything you know, and do right, by following truth and love. It costs nothing. PS I recognise that I must sound like a fruitcake, but the answers come from within. The revolution will not be televised.
  - hypertele-Xii 3y ago
    > Oneself is the only thing important in one's life. Also known as narcissism.
    - verisimi 3y ago

amtamt 3y ago

Different people have Different speeds in $things. If one piece of the system is at a different (slower/ faster) speed where majority pieces are on another but more or less similar speed to each othet, the one piece is going to get burnt quick. Options... use gears at touch points to match speed, or have a robust outer layer to eliminate impact of friction, or Try to control speed to match the system A combination of these options, may work. Challenge is to identfy the required option and apply what works for a given situation, which is another activity needing quite some brain cycles. Just an observation... Hope your upcoming life is pleasant.

MrDresden 3y ago

For what its worth I'm genuinely sorry that this happened to you.

mnky9800n 3y ago

I would let go of this victim mentality sooner rather than later.

hypertele-Xii 3y ago
Everything I said is inescapable fact. A victim mentality would be "I can't do anything about it". I have the opposite mindset, so you're entirely wrong to suggest this. An accurate account of history is not victim mentality, it's truth.
- thfuran 3y ago
  >The worst part is the chronic thinking that I could've/should've/would've done something amazing, if a single shit had been given at any point along the way. Such a waste of human potential. Fixation on how your present circumstances might be better if not for the wrong done by others to the extent that you describe it as a severe and chronic issue is neither inescapable nor particularly factual.
  - mnky9800n 3y ago
    Even if it was factual it's not a terribly effective way of getting to where you want to go
  - hypertele-Xii 3y ago
    > Fixation on how your present circumstances might be better if not for the wrong done by others to the extent that you describe it as a severe and chronic issue is neither inescapable nor particularly factual. So your stance is that I imagined the whole thing? You're not making any sense here. It's absolutely, undisputably factual that when a child lacks basic necessities for development, they don't develop properly and will suffer as a consequence. As a consciously conscious being, I have awareness of that suffering. That's not a "fixation", it's an actual chronic issue that makes life 100x harder than it needs to be, and awareness of the issue is the antidote to preventing something similar from happening to others, especially by my doing. You are attempting to null my experience, I don't know why, but you're failing at it because you cannot null the cold, hard, objective, measurable facts simply by saying "nuh uh".

mrcartmeneses 3y ago

I’m sure this will get downvoted but you might also have depression or PTSD. Talk to your doctor about Ketamine treatment for depression and look into MDMA for PTSD. Both drugs can be abused but can also be extremely effective at treating the above conditions. As far as reaching your potential goes, just be kind to yourself

hypertele-Xii 3y ago
Can confirm these are good suggestions, already been there, already done that, did indeed help :)

ceuk 3y ago

I have an IQ of 148 which the educational psychiatrist who did my test told me put me in the top 0.02% of the UK. I63 is.. insane It's pretty neat to find someone smarter than me (and actually be aware of the fact). If it helps: I think we're all a bit broken.. But whilst the first 23 years of my life were pretty rough, I'm thriving in my late 30s. My unsolicited advice would be to find something that makes your feel good about who you are and throw yourself into it. Life and your resilience/ability to take on challenges will get so much better with a few wins under your belt. I also can't overestimate how valuable a supportive partner is. Step 1: make sure you're worth it. Better to be kind than clever as Bezos famously said.