5 ms·

^^^ mate I can tell you a million facts about a million things as I've probably hyperfixated on something related to whatever your interested in at some point o

^^^ mate I can tell you a million facts about a million things as I've probably hyperfixated on something related to whatever your interested in at some point over the last 20 years. But I still can't remember where I put my wallet, phone and keys.

k8svet 3y ago
I say this with love, not condemnation. You have to start caring. Like actually caring. Or develop habits and discipline. I was this person. I watched my dad be the person all his life, watching my mom both enable and resent him for it. Then I realize what a nuisance he was to those around him, and how embarrassing it was that he seemingly can't take care of himself. Now I have a cross body "man-purse", I've traveled half a dozen countries in a year and haven't lost a single thing. My wallet, my keys, my yubikey, my sunglasses, my backup meds, they have exactly one place they're allowed to be, and they're always there when I go to grab them.
- soulofmischief 3y ago
  ADHD is not a "not caring" disorder. Most ADHD sufferers do not experience apathy but instead intense anxiety as their executive function is at odds with their goals. It's not a matter of simply thinking your way out of what is a very real, biological disorder. The ADHD brain fundamentally lacks the same dopamine receptors as a normal brain, among other mutations. These mutations have elaborate psychological manifestations. Some of us are able to improve with sustained practice, but even reaching a state of sustained practice can be a Sisyphean task for many.
  - tailspin2019 3y ago
    > Most ADHD sufferers do not experience apathy but instead intense anxiety as their executive function is at odds with their goals. Can confirm. This is an extremely good way of putting it.
    - k8svet 3y ago
      Maybe caring wasn't the right word. My point was being pro-active so that otherwise adhd-fueled situations become easier because one has essentially looked ahead for their future-disfunctioning self. I'm leaving the house, I grab the purse. It cut down multiple-times-a-week adhd-fueled returns home to one a month. Has this cured my ADHD? No! Has it made literally every day of my life easier and more manageable because I'm not stressed about forgetting something, or making my partner late to work? Absolutely!
      - soulofmischief 3y ago
        Another great example is immediately washing dishes after cooking and eating, always. It has to become routine that the sink is not a place for dirty dishes. Many of my ADHD friends still struggle with this, and I even on occasion will let a few dishes stack up on my desk while working for long bouts of time. A lot of ADHD issues stem around the delayed reward system getting screwed up, and the best antidote for this is extreme proactiveness, doing everything immediately. It's too easy to wake up, say "I'll brush my teeth in a few minutes" and then hyperfocus for 16 hours straight until you fall asleep. ADHD is its own worst enemy and building coping mechanisms or changing habits can be incredibly difficult when the nature of the disorder involves difficulty with sticking to new routines. This can be compounded heavily if there is comorbidity with OCD, PTSD, etc.
- FuckButtons 3y ago
  I’m not sure your experience generalizes like you’re suggesting it does, since adhd is a spectrum of related neurological abnormalities, some of which are not actually improved by medication, telling people to care more isn’t all that helpful.
- piperswe 3y ago
  I care. I don't know how I could care more. I beat myself up (mentally and sometimes slightly physically) when I fail to accomplish tasks, because I care. I have an issue with executive function. And I often hate myself for it. "Caring" has never helped.
- ParetoOptimal 3y ago
  > Now I have a cross body "man-purse", I've traveled half a dozen countries in a year and haven't lost a single thing. My wallet, my keys, my yubikey, my sunglasses, my backup meds, they have exactly one place they're allowed to be, and they're always there when I go to grab them. That doesn't mean you care and everyone doesn't, it means you figured out a way to avoid the issue entirely.
  - k8svet 3y ago
    Seems a better choice than what my dad does, or everyone else that says "oh I have ADHD". Yeah, I have ADHD and a purse. Idk why this is somehow a controversial thing to say. I can sit here and say wah, or I can figure out better tools that work for me.
- k8svet 3y ago
  I didn't say it's easy but if you make the effort to put something in a consistent place, it will be there later. Some things are that simple, you just have to frame them that way and be proactive. I used to lose sunglasses monthly, lost my wallet more times than I can count as an adult, missed appointments, constantly had to "go back" for something I'd forgotten or left behind. Constantly. I have to be more pro-active than other people but I realize I'm just going to get downvoted more for suggesting that ADHD and symptoms are manageable and have workarounds.
- austin-cheney 3y ago
  I do not have ADHD myself but when I do Army stuff I pack a lot of tiny knick knacks into my military uniform. When I started my career I would forget one or two things when leaving for work for the day. I learned to solve for that with a ritual. When I leave my barracks, or house, or hotel room, or whatever I would pat each pocket one by one just as a quick 2 second check. I haven’t needed to do this for more than 15 years but I still do it. That kind of self-discipline and solution come naturally to people with exceptionally high conscientiousness even if they have minor ADHD. For people with serious ADHD and these kinds of rituals don’t work because the will to consider and apply them is completely absent. It isn’t a personality defect. It’s impaired hardware.

k8svet 3y ago

I say this with love, not condemnation. You have to start caring. Like actually caring. Or develop habits and discipline. I was this person. I watched my dad be the person all his life, watching my mom both enable and resent him for it. Then I realize what a nuisance he was to those around him, and how embarrassing it was that he seemingly can't take care of himself. Now I have a cross body "man-purse", I've traveled half a dozen countries in a year and haven't lost a single thing. My wallet, my keys, my yubikey, my sunglasses, my backup meds, they have exactly one place they're allowed to be, and they're always there when I go to grab them.

soulofmischief 3y ago
ADHD is not a "not caring" disorder. Most ADHD sufferers do not experience apathy but instead intense anxiety as their executive function is at odds with their goals. It's not a matter of simply thinking your way out of what is a very real, biological disorder. The ADHD brain fundamentally lacks the same dopamine receptors as a normal brain, among other mutations. These mutations have elaborate psychological manifestations. Some of us are able to improve with sustained practice, but even reaching a state of sustained practice can be a Sisyphean task for many.
- tailspin2019 3y ago
  > Most ADHD sufferers do not experience apathy but instead intense anxiety as their executive function is at odds with their goals. Can confirm. This is an extremely good way of putting it.
  - k8svet 3y ago
    Maybe caring wasn't the right word. My point was being pro-active so that otherwise adhd-fueled situations become easier because one has essentially looked ahead for their future-disfunctioning self. I'm leaving the house, I grab the purse. It cut down multiple-times-a-week adhd-fueled returns home to one a month. Has this cured my ADHD? No! Has it made literally every day of my life easier and more manageable because I'm not stressed about forgetting something, or making my partner late to work? Absolutely!
    - soulofmischief 3y ago
      Another great example is immediately washing dishes after cooking and eating, always. It has to become routine that the sink is not a place for dirty dishes. Many of my ADHD friends still struggle with this, and I even on occasion will let a few dishes stack up on my desk while working for long bouts of time. A lot of ADHD issues stem around the delayed reward system getting screwed up, and the best antidote for this is extreme proactiveness, doing everything immediately. It's too easy to wake up, say "I'll brush my teeth in a few minutes" and then hyperfocus for 16 hours straight until you fall asleep. ADHD is its own worst enemy and building coping mechanisms or changing habits can be incredibly difficult when the nature of the disorder involves difficulty with sticking to new routines. This can be compounded heavily if there is comorbidity with OCD, PTSD, etc.
FuckButtons 3y ago
I’m not sure your experience generalizes like you’re suggesting it does, since adhd is a spectrum of related neurological abnormalities, some of which are not actually improved by medication, telling people to care more isn’t all that helpful.
piperswe 3y ago
I care. I don't know how I could care more. I beat myself up (mentally and sometimes slightly physically) when I fail to accomplish tasks, because I care. I have an issue with executive function. And I often hate myself for it. "Caring" has never helped.
ParetoOptimal 3y ago
> Now I have a cross body "man-purse", I've traveled half a dozen countries in a year and haven't lost a single thing. My wallet, my keys, my yubikey, my sunglasses, my backup meds, they have exactly one place they're allowed to be, and they're always there when I go to grab them. That doesn't mean you care and everyone doesn't, it means you figured out a way to avoid the issue entirely.
- k8svet 3y ago
  Seems a better choice than what my dad does, or everyone else that says "oh I have ADHD". Yeah, I have ADHD and a purse. Idk why this is somehow a controversial thing to say. I can sit here and say wah, or I can figure out better tools that work for me.
k8svet 3y ago
I didn't say it's easy but if you make the effort to put something in a consistent place, it will be there later. Some things are that simple, you just have to frame them that way and be proactive. I used to lose sunglasses monthly, lost my wallet more times than I can count as an adult, missed appointments, constantly had to "go back" for something I'd forgotten or left behind. Constantly. I have to be more pro-active than other people but I realize I'm just going to get downvoted more for suggesting that ADHD and symptoms are manageable and have workarounds.
austin-cheney 3y ago
I do not have ADHD myself but when I do Army stuff I pack a lot of tiny knick knacks into my military uniform. When I started my career I would forget one or two things when leaving for work for the day. I learned to solve for that with a ritual. When I leave my barracks, or house, or hotel room, or whatever I would pat each pocket one by one just as a quick 2 second check. I haven’t needed to do this for more than 15 years but I still do it. That kind of self-discipline and solution come naturally to people with exceptionally high conscientiousness even if they have minor ADHD. For people with serious ADHD and these kinds of rituals don’t work because the will to consider and apply them is completely absent. It isn’t a personality defect. It’s impaired hardware.