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"You don't have to hate living alone when you don't have to spend all day cooped up unless you want to drive 15 miles to participate in society. You can walk ou

"You don't have to hate living alone when you don't have to spend all day cooped up unless you want to drive 15 miles to participate in society. You can walk out your front door." For some people, walking out their front door to be with nature might be their preference. "The married (and obviously wealthy) couple can invite the neighbors over for a BBQ and to hang out by the pool. But you can't do that really in the suburbs." I'm baffled by this statement. I don't have a pool and I'm not wealthy, but we still invite neighbors over for a cookout. This seems more normal in the suburbs that rurally or even in the city (although some places have block parties).

bombcar 3y ago
I think people often have a vastly different opinion of the suburbs if they don't live there or they live in an "age-inappropriate" one which will often occur if you're living at home, for example. You may be the only 25-30 year old in a neighborhood that consists entirely of people ... your parent's age. That's going to have obvious issues unless you go out of your way to be friendly and outgoing to people who likely have vastly different schedules than you do. Whereas if you're a young family living in a suburb full of young families, you're likely going to "fit in" easier, and even if you don't go out of your way to meet people you'll continue to run into them because external factors are similar (bus arrives at the same time, school activities are similar, kids escaped and are riding the dog into the sunset, etc). Suburbs naturally tend toward this age-based stratification because of how easy and similar they are, and just from building schedules. Almost all the new homes in developments around here are "children" homes, clearly visible from the playsets in the backyards. Those houses will now be "in sync" for decades from that. Cities often are more mixed (though I would argue that suburbs should be, too), and even if they're not you can quickly escape to "your people."
- giantg2 3y ago
  I don't know. The suburbs I've been in seem to be pretty age diverse.
  - ericmay 3y ago
    The suburbs I've lived in have been both age-diverse and culturally diverse, but they tend to not be income or "status" diverse. You don't have a lot of poor artists in your neighborhood, for example. The main problem is the design, not the people. The design makes it much, much more difficult to have spontaneous interactions with those in your neighborhood because you aren't walking around in your neighborhood because there's nothing to look at and aimless walking isn't very popular and so you just drive a car to the grocery store where you maintain anonymity and you can't even get to know the workers there because they're transient (many good/bad reasons for this). Additionally there is a cultural stigma around what amounts to being too friendly with your neighbors and that general pervades the suburban landscape. Obviously not everyone is like that, nor are all suburban neighborhoods the same, but as someone who has family members like this and has grown up around it and now lives in a walkable neighborhood it's striking how clear and obvious it is to me. I live in Columbus. My brother says "can't do it there are too many people on the streets and sidewalks". That's the lived experience for many Americans who reside in the suburbs and it is specifically chosen to live that way to avoid other people and instead stay inside most of the time. That's why the houses are so large and why there are pools and things. The point is to not go outside of your house or engage in a risky exchange with your neighbor.
ericmay 3y ago
> For some people, walking out their front door to be with nature might be their preference. I... agree? But then I would also completely discredit any complaints about living alone especially as they are related to the OP. It's like when people complain about things being 30 miles away and gas being expensive. You make those trade-offs. > I'm baffled by this statement. I don't have a pool and I'm not wealthy, but we still invite neighbors over for a cookout. This seems more normal in the suburbs that rurally or even in the city (although some places have block parties). I was responding to the specific persona mentioned in the OP (wealthy, with a pool) and my experience of that persona in my own personal life which tends to be a lot of buying stuff and not really using it because it's a hassle to go to that person's house because you have to drive, pack up the kids, etc. and people refuse to (rightly so) walk in the suburban areas where those homes exist. Spontaneous gatherings, again in my own experience, are much more of a challenge.
- s1artibartfast 3y ago
  >Spontaneous gatherings, again in my own experience, are much more of a challenge. Interesting, My experience is the exact opposite. Suburban life is what enables people to gather. Having the space to BBQ, room for kids to play, hang out in the garden, ect. Maybe it is simply a matter of space, interest, and attitude. Same confusion with respect to walking or driving in suburbia. Seems far more pleasant and comfortable. Easier to pack up kids and gear for a quick drive than pack it all on municipal transport.
  - ericmay 3y ago
    You have space to do all of those things in the city too. I have a pellet smoker and a big garden. There's also a large park nearby with a playground and things like that. A pool is an option too but I don't think we'd use it. I do think you have a point about space/interest/attitude and I find that (and I bet we could actually prove this with survey data if it exists) people tend to not want to have their neighbors over in suburbia. People sometimes walk their dogs and say hi (when I was in the suburbs) but it wasn't an actual interaction. Usually people just wanted to get back to their house as fast as possible and not have a conversation. Or maybe I'm just a scary looking person. Though we've had lots of neighbors over at our current house and have all of their phone numbers. That was hard to do in the suburbs too. > Easier to pack up kids and gear for a quick drive than pack it all on municipal transport. Idk. I have gear and I just walk out to my detached garage and throw it in the car too. I guess maybe it was easier when the garage was attached to the house? But then you have to suffer the bad house design so that's not great. I'm not sure why you would think living in the city would require putting things in municipal transport. Think less about NYC and more about walkable neighborhoods.

bombcar 3y ago

I think people often have a vastly different opinion of the suburbs if they don't live there or they live in an "age-inappropriate" one which will often occur if you're living at home, for example. You may be the only 25-30 year old in a neighborhood that consists entirely of people ... your parent's age. That's going to have obvious issues unless you go out of your way to be friendly and outgoing to people who likely have vastly different schedules than you do. Whereas if you're a young family living in a suburb full of young families, you're likely going to "fit in" easier, and even if you don't go out of your way to meet people you'll continue to run into them because external factors are similar (bus arrives at the same time, school activities are similar, kids escaped and are riding the dog into the sunset, etc). Suburbs naturally tend toward this age-based stratification because of how easy and similar they are, and just from building schedules. Almost all the new homes in developments around here are "children" homes, clearly visible from the playsets in the backyards. Those houses will now be "in sync" for decades from that. Cities often are more mixed (though I would argue that suburbs should be, too), and even if they're not you can quickly escape to "your people."

giantg2 3y ago
I don't know. The suburbs I've been in seem to be pretty age diverse.
- ericmay 3y ago
  The suburbs I've lived in have been both age-diverse and culturally diverse, but they tend to not be income or "status" diverse. You don't have a lot of poor artists in your neighborhood, for example. The main problem is the design, not the people. The design makes it much, much more difficult to have spontaneous interactions with those in your neighborhood because you aren't walking around in your neighborhood because there's nothing to look at and aimless walking isn't very popular and so you just drive a car to the grocery store where you maintain anonymity and you can't even get to know the workers there because they're transient (many good/bad reasons for this). Additionally there is a cultural stigma around what amounts to being too friendly with your neighbors and that general pervades the suburban landscape. Obviously not everyone is like that, nor are all suburban neighborhoods the same, but as someone who has family members like this and has grown up around it and now lives in a walkable neighborhood it's striking how clear and obvious it is to me. I live in Columbus. My brother says "can't do it there are too many people on the streets and sidewalks". That's the lived experience for many Americans who reside in the suburbs and it is specifically chosen to live that way to avoid other people and instead stay inside most of the time. That's why the houses are so large and why there are pools and things. The point is to not go outside of your house or engage in a risky exchange with your neighbor.

ericmay 3y ago

> For some people, walking out their front door to be with nature might be their preference. I... agree? But then I would also completely discredit any complaints about living alone especially as they are related to the OP. It's like when people complain about things being 30 miles away and gas being expensive. You make those trade-offs. > I'm baffled by this statement. I don't have a pool and I'm not wealthy, but we still invite neighbors over for a cookout. This seems more normal in the suburbs that rurally or even in the city (although some places have block parties). I was responding to the specific persona mentioned in the OP (wealthy, with a pool) and my experience of that persona in my own personal life which tends to be a lot of buying stuff and not really using it because it's a hassle to go to that person's house because you have to drive, pack up the kids, etc. and people refuse to (rightly so) walk in the suburban areas where those homes exist. Spontaneous gatherings, again in my own experience, are much more of a challenge.

s1artibartfast 3y ago
>Spontaneous gatherings, again in my own experience, are much more of a challenge. Interesting, My experience is the exact opposite. Suburban life is what enables people to gather. Having the space to BBQ, room for kids to play, hang out in the garden, ect. Maybe it is simply a matter of space, interest, and attitude. Same confusion with respect to walking or driving in suburbia. Seems far more pleasant and comfortable. Easier to pack up kids and gear for a quick drive than pack it all on municipal transport.
- ericmay 3y ago
  You have space to do all of those things in the city too. I have a pellet smoker and a big garden. There's also a large park nearby with a playground and things like that. A pool is an option too but I don't think we'd use it. I do think you have a point about space/interest/attitude and I find that (and I bet we could actually prove this with survey data if it exists) people tend to not want to have their neighbors over in suburbia. People sometimes walk their dogs and say hi (when I was in the suburbs) but it wasn't an actual interaction. Usually people just wanted to get back to their house as fast as possible and not have a conversation. Or maybe I'm just a scary looking person. Though we've had lots of neighbors over at our current house and have all of their phone numbers. That was hard to do in the suburbs too. > Easier to pack up kids and gear for a quick drive than pack it all on municipal transport. Idk. I have gear and I just walk out to my detached garage and throw it in the car too. I guess maybe it was easier when the garage was attached to the house? But then you have to suffer the bad house design so that's not great. I'm not sure why you would think living in the city would require putting things in municipal transport. Think less about NYC and more about walkable neighborhoods.