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There is also a hidden aspect of it: Those people who don't overcome teenage awkwardness. Those who never regain their confidence and end up the weird tech dude

There is also a hidden aspect of it: Those people who don't overcome teenage awkwardness. Those who never regain their confidence and end up the weird tech dude at the office whom no one ever speaks to. This guy might be able to feed the kids confidence, and then you can encourage "weirdness", but it isn't always as easy as that. Sometimes parents should just tell their kids to go play sports or whatever, no matter if they want it or not, just so they can learn to interact with other people and "be normal".

Retric 14y ago
As a socially awkward adult I can say I am one of the happiest people I know. I know enough to play the game if I need to, but it's just an act and I really do prefer to do my own thing. And I tend to do so enough that it's hard to maintain the basic social skills. I suspect the idea that there is something wrong with loaners is mostly just projection. It's easy enough to vilify other and loners make the best fictional villains, but other cultures also have the ideal of the monk in the woods. In the end games of status are only important for those who seek status.
Tooluka 14y ago
I second that. Better title would be "That's Why You Probably Won't Have Any Friends.".
kstenerud 14y ago
I'm hoping you mean encouraging your child to continue seeking out new and different groups (sports, clubs, whatever) until he finds a place where people will accept his strong individuality. If, however, you mean forcing him to join a group of "normal" people who will hammer him into the "normal" mold, I take great exception to your advice. There is no worse blow to your self esteem than selling out on yourself to gain the approval of others. Yes, people in general like to belong, so let them CHOOSE to belong to a group that accepts them being themselves. Here's what generally happens when you force an individualist into a group not of his choosing: 1. He resents you for deciding whom his friends should be. 2. It destroys his confidence because even YOU don't believe in him. 3. By the law of averages, his new group is likely to be comprised of exactly the kinds of phonies he hates, and they're likely to dislike him for his "weirdness". Confidence is one of the, if not THE most important thing in the world. People respect confidence, even if they hate you. Bullying is an attempt to destroy your confidence while building the bully's confidence in himself by thinking he's the better man for destroying someone weaker than him (and so long as you don't fight back, he's right, btw). Most people get their confidence by herding with other people and mimicking them. It gives them a false sense of security, but it's confidence all the same. Unfortunately, that confidence comes at the price of never being able to be their true selves, and never being able to chase dreams that differ too much from the accepted norm. Individuality and confidence are a potent blend. They breed explorers and free thinkers, poets, philosophers, disruptors, and cross-cultural bridges. They drive a person to blaze a trail of his own, bringing him after many trials and tribulations to doors that open but for a select few. However, this only happens IF he has the confidence in himself to try, and that comes both from within, and from his support base (you). Don't take that away from him!

Retric 14y ago

As a socially awkward adult I can say I am one of the happiest people I know. I know enough to play the game if I need to, but it's just an act and I really do prefer to do my own thing. And I tend to do so enough that it's hard to maintain the basic social skills. I suspect the idea that there is something wrong with loaners is mostly just projection. It's easy enough to vilify other and loners make the best fictional villains, but other cultures also have the ideal of the monk in the woods. In the end games of status are only important for those who seek status.

Tooluka 14y ago

I second that. Better title would be "That's Why You Probably Won't Have Any Friends.".

kstenerud 14y ago

I'm hoping you mean encouraging your child to continue seeking out new and different groups (sports, clubs, whatever) until he finds a place where people will accept his strong individuality. If, however, you mean forcing him to join a group of "normal" people who will hammer him into the "normal" mold, I take great exception to your advice. There is no worse blow to your self esteem than selling out on yourself to gain the approval of others. Yes, people in general like to belong, so let them CHOOSE to belong to a group that accepts them being themselves. Here's what generally happens when you force an individualist into a group not of his choosing: 1. He resents you for deciding whom his friends should be. 2. It destroys his confidence because even YOU don't believe in him. 3. By the law of averages, his new group is likely to be comprised of exactly the kinds of phonies he hates, and they're likely to dislike him for his "weirdness". Confidence is one of the, if not THE most important thing in the world. People respect confidence, even if they hate you. Bullying is an attempt to destroy your confidence while building the bully's confidence in himself by thinking he's the better man for destroying someone weaker than him (and so long as you don't fight back, he's right, btw). Most people get their confidence by herding with other people and mimicking them. It gives them a false sense of security, but it's confidence all the same. Unfortunately, that confidence comes at the price of never being able to be their true selves, and never being able to chase dreams that differ too much from the accepted norm. Individuality and confidence are a potent blend. They breed explorers and free thinkers, poets, philosophers, disruptors, and cross-cultural bridges. They drive a person to blaze a trail of his own, bringing him after many trials and tribulations to doors that open but for a select few. However, this only happens IF he has the confidence in himself to try, and that comes both from within, and from his support base (you). Don't take that away from him!