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It's a fair point and I don't object with this comment being flagged but please notice that the parent one is calling me unreasonable when I try to be polite an

by mrtksn 3y ago

It's a fair point and I don't object with this comment being flagged but please notice that the parent one is calling me unreasonable when I try to be polite and provide thorough reasoning about my position on the issue. Is that O.K. really? They don't even address me when talking about me, that's why I felt the need to reply with a bit of a sarcasm and emotional tone. I also provided a document by the United Nations to keep this grounded. I don't know how this is less substantive than the parent comment talking about me in a sneering manner.

dang 3y ago
Do you mean https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=38827758 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=38827758? "Isn't going to be reasoned with" is maybe not the best wording; "isn't likely to be persuaded" might be a better way to put that. But I don't think it was really a personal attack. I can see how it could feel that way in the context of an intense conflict like this one, but from an outside perspective I think it's a stretch to say that the comment "is calling me unreasonable". Moreover the intention was clearly trying to dampen the flamewar, which is a good thing. Here's a point I've often tried to communicate in situations like this, which I'll repeat here in case it's helpful—but please understand that I'm not talking about you personally; as far as I can tell we all have this bias... There's a common pattern where people underestimate the provocation in their own comments by (say) 10x and overestimate the provocation in the other person's comments by another 10x. Put those together and you get a 100x distortion in self/other perception. That's a lot of distortion. It's basically "objects in the mirror are closer than they appear". In my experience it's helpful to remember this and try to consciously correct for the distortion. Even if you bend over backwards to do that, you probably won't compensate for the entire 100x but you'll at least be less likely to misgauge the impact of your posts and thereby produce unintentional negative effects. Not that any of this is easy, but it's something we should all be aware of and working on. https://hn.algolia.com/?dateRange=all&page=0&prefix=true&query=by%3Adang%2010x%20underestimate&sort=byDate&type=comment https://hn.algolia.com/?dateRange=all&page=0&prefix=true&que...

by mrtksn 3y ago

dang 3y ago

Do you mean https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=38827758 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=38827758? "Isn't going to be reasoned with" is maybe not the best wording; "isn't likely to be persuaded" might be a better way to put that. But I don't think it was really a personal attack. I can see how it could feel that way in the context of an intense conflict like this one, but from an outside perspective I think it's a stretch to say that the comment "is calling me unreasonable". Moreover the intention was clearly trying to dampen the flamewar, which is a good thing. Here's a point I've often tried to communicate in situations like this, which I'll repeat here in case it's helpful—but please understand that I'm not talking about you personally; as far as I can tell we all have this bias... There's a common pattern where people underestimate the provocation in their own comments by (say) 10x and overestimate the provocation in the other person's comments by another 10x. Put those together and you get a 100x distortion in self/other perception. That's a lot of distortion. It's basically "objects in the mirror are closer than they appear". In my experience it's helpful to remember this and try to consciously correct for the distortion. Even if you bend over backwards to do that, you probably won't compensate for the entire 100x but you'll at least be less likely to misgauge the impact of your posts and thereby produce unintentional negative effects. Not that any of this is easy, but it's something we should all be aware of and working on. https://hn.algolia.com/?dateRange=all&page=0&prefix=true&query=by%3Adang%2010x%20underestimate&sort=byDate&type=comment https://hn.algolia.com/?dateRange=all&page=0&prefix=true&que...