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No advice article ever has the courage to say it: you need friends. Social support and accountability are our main pillars, we are social animals.

diggan 3y ago
> Social support and accountability Reminds me of "Announcing your plans makes you less motivated to accomplish them (2009)" - https://sivers.org/zipit https://sivers.org/zipit - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7496923 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7496923 (74 points | March 30, 2014 | 21 comments)
- Lyngbakr 3y ago
  That's interesting! Although I haven't invested any thought in it, I would've assumed that announcing plans would have the opposite effect because people are now watching and know what you're trying to achieve, so you'd be more motivated to avoid losing face. Thanks for the article — I'll have to check it out!
  - eloisius 3y ago
    Personally, it would make me feel a burden of shame to have announced a goal and then had a setback, which would become a greater discouragement then just facing a setback if I had not made a big deal about it in the first place.
    - breakingcups 3y ago
      That, and you've skipped ahead and gotten a bit of the social reward for the project without doing it yet. So the reward will be less too.
- odyssey7 3y ago
  I’ve heard about the paradox of announcing plans before. It is intriguing. In light of the need for community, talking about plans might be seen as a way to search for ideas that could have group buy-in and become something to undertake together. Failure to move forward on those plans would reflect that the group interest just wasn’t there. The mistake would have been in assuming you would have ever pursued the goal independently, the social impulse to share could have been the hint. Shared interests between friends can help individual interests and goals become collective ones. Ecclesiastes: one may be overcome (by the exhaustion of going to the gym), two can defend themselves (against lapsing on their New Year’s resolution). A three-ply cord is not easily broken.
sjfjsjdjwvwvc 3y ago
Friends help with everything in life. I can’t think of an aspect of my life that is not improved by my friends. Making friends is „easy“ too - treating people how you would want to be treated is a good first step.
- gizajob 3y ago
  I feel like I've long reached the point of having zero friends, which makes getting friends actually quite difficult.
  - diggan 3y ago
    It doesn't though, as long as you're willing to throw yourself out there. Meetup groups is a great way to meet fellow nerds, especially if you share interests. You'll probably meet some shitty people sometime, just stay clear and keep trying, you'll eventually find at least one or two people who you fit with :)
    - gizajob 3y ago
      Acquaintances perhaps, but I wouldn’t say actual friends. I could try it again though. I don’t/can’t use social media so when I got rid of that years ago, almost everyone I knew then went with it.
      - diggan 3y ago
        Friends are just acquaintances you know better than others. You start as acquaintances and as you develop the relationship, you'll eventually be friends. Some people have so good relationships they even use the label "bestie", which is just a really good friend, who at the beginning surely was a acquaintance :)
        gizajob 3y ago
        Thanks for your input. Being honest, my situation has been like this for so long now I’ve given up hope and lost interest in it ever changing. Used to my own loneliness nowadays so it doesn’t really matter. Fine with being someone who is only ever in the background of other people’s day.
imjonse 3y ago
Or even, "this isn't procrastinating, todo lists won't help, you are probably depressed".
deleted 3y ago
[deleted]
makeitdouble 3y ago
If you define "friend" as "anyone willing to cooperate with you" that makes sense.

diggan 3y ago

> Social support and accountability Reminds me of "Announcing your plans makes you less motivated to accomplish them (2009)" - https://sivers.org/zipit https://sivers.org/zipit - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7496923 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7496923 (74 points | March 30, 2014 | 21 comments)

Lyngbakr 3y ago
That's interesting! Although I haven't invested any thought in it, I would've assumed that announcing plans would have the opposite effect because people are now watching and know what you're trying to achieve, so you'd be more motivated to avoid losing face. Thanks for the article — I'll have to check it out!
- eloisius 3y ago
  Personally, it would make me feel a burden of shame to have announced a goal and then had a setback, which would become a greater discouragement then just facing a setback if I had not made a big deal about it in the first place.
  - breakingcups 3y ago
    That, and you've skipped ahead and gotten a bit of the social reward for the project without doing it yet. So the reward will be less too.
odyssey7 3y ago
I’ve heard about the paradox of announcing plans before. It is intriguing. In light of the need for community, talking about plans might be seen as a way to search for ideas that could have group buy-in and become something to undertake together. Failure to move forward on those plans would reflect that the group interest just wasn’t there. The mistake would have been in assuming you would have ever pursued the goal independently, the social impulse to share could have been the hint. Shared interests between friends can help individual interests and goals become collective ones. Ecclesiastes: one may be overcome (by the exhaustion of going to the gym), two can defend themselves (against lapsing on their New Year’s resolution). A three-ply cord is not easily broken.

sjfjsjdjwvwvc 3y ago

Friends help with everything in life. I can’t think of an aspect of my life that is not improved by my friends. Making friends is „easy“ too - treating people how you would want to be treated is a good first step.

gizajob 3y ago
I feel like I've long reached the point of having zero friends, which makes getting friends actually quite difficult.
- diggan 3y ago
  It doesn't though, as long as you're willing to throw yourself out there. Meetup groups is a great way to meet fellow nerds, especially if you share interests. You'll probably meet some shitty people sometime, just stay clear and keep trying, you'll eventually find at least one or two people who you fit with :)
  - gizajob 3y ago
    Acquaintances perhaps, but I wouldn’t say actual friends. I could try it again though. I don’t/can’t use social media so when I got rid of that years ago, almost everyone I knew then went with it.
    - diggan 3y ago
      Friends are just acquaintances you know better than others. You start as acquaintances and as you develop the relationship, you'll eventually be friends. Some people have so good relationships they even use the label "bestie", which is just a really good friend, who at the beginning surely was a acquaintance :)
      - gizajob 3y ago
        Thanks for your input. Being honest, my situation has been like this for so long now I’ve given up hope and lost interest in it ever changing. Used to my own loneliness nowadays so it doesn’t really matter. Fine with being someone who is only ever in the background of other people’s day.

imjonse 3y ago

Or even, "this isn't procrastinating, todo lists won't help, you are probably depressed".

deleted 3y ago

[deleted]

makeitdouble 3y ago

If you define "friend" as "anyone willing to cooperate with you" that makes sense.