9 ms·

I used to have friends in uni with whom i could share very nerdy/technical conversations. near graduation we no longer get together sadly. this has taken a toll

I used to have friends in uni with whom i could share very nerdy/technical conversations. near graduation we no longer get together sadly. this has taken a toll on me. HN is a place that feels like home, even if I'm usually just lurking around and overhearing conversations. Thanks everyone for sharing!

erikaww 3y ago
why don't you start something where you live?
- naitgacem 3y ago
  > something can you elaborate?
  - datadrivenangel 3y ago
    Tech Meetup groups!
  - mooreds 3y ago
    Monthly lunches? Meet up to play a tabletop game? Go for a hike? Have a group receive a tech presentation once a quarter? Lots of options, most just take your time and emails/contacting possibly interested folks.
    - naitgacem 3y ago
      I think the biggest issue here is "possibly interested folks". although I'll keep that as a food for thought.
      - mooreds 3y ago
        Yes, that's the crux, for sure. Meetup or local slacks/discords are where I'd start looking. You could also email current or former coworkers, if you have that info.
    - baz00 3y ago
      If it's like around here (London, UK) the last thing people want to talk about is the day job!
      - zer00eyz 3y ago
        The Bay Area in the early 2000's and even into the early 2000-teens was NOT like this. You could go out to lunch and have a technical chat and the people at the table next to you might chime in with a solution! When you get enough passionate people and pack them into one location things get interesting for them (networking, friendships etc)... Much of the passion is gone (lots of people see tech as a path to a paycheck), and everyone wants to WFH.
        mooreds 3y ago
        There's still good stuff going on at local meet ups. I have experienced it myself. Honest truth is there were always folks without passion in tech.
        baz00 3y ago
        Meetups are bloody amazing. I keep meeting middle aged divorced women there with loose sense of morals and a drinking problem, which is perfect :)
        baz00 3y ago
        That's because it's not a good vision for the future, it's literally either building shit that everyone knows doesn't matter or plugging away at pointless automation on overcomplicated piles of steaming crap. Or the next fad. People have lost the vision and do not understand the soul of the machine is to improve our state of existence not enslave us further. Fuck 'em. I'm taking the money and doing what makes me feel good (wine, floozies and travel).
        wsintra2022 3y ago
        Ah good ol’floozies
  - eatonphil 3y ago
    I've run a few book clubs online and in NYC this last year. And a Discord for folks in the area in systems programming. And a systems programming coffee meetup in NYC. Stuff like that is what I might guess Erik means! :)
- ethbr1 3y ago
  Parent should if they can! But there's also a big difference in intentionality between meeting someone on the quad / outside your room and starting a meetup with friends (or new friends!) scattered across town. Would also suggest looking for social clubs. I've found the "general social hangouts + minimal focus on a shared interest" are great for people time. Avoids the monomaniacal over-focus of a single-interest activity, while still providing a bridge with random strangers ("You like thing? I like thing!").
  - deleted 3y ago
    [deleted]
- apwell23 3y ago
  social anxiety.
passwordoops 3y ago
Same happened to me. We drifted apart, live in different cities. But nearly 20 years later, with life settled and kids grown we're rekindling via messaging. I hope firstly, you get your group back, and second it doesn't take 20 years
toomuchtodo 3y ago
> HN is a place that feels like home Indeed, the only third place I feel worth participating in (for me of course, ymmv) and enjoy. Appreciate y’all. Thank you dang for all of the hard work.
theusus 3y ago
On the same page
op00to 3y ago
I had a solid email thread with friends from college going for these types of conversations for about 10 years after graduation, but with kids and moving around that all ended.
koliber 3y ago
If you’re ever in need to geek out, hit up someone who posted something interesting and ask them if they’re up for chatting. It’s not the most comfortable thing to do, but I’ve had a some great conversations with random people from HN. You’d be surprised how often it works out. Btw, open invite. Contact info in profile.
AlbertCory 3y ago
I think sometimes you have to realize that it's OKAY if you're always the one to keep in touch, and no one else seems to make any effort. As long as they're happy to talk when you call, or they show up at the group event when you badger them enough: that's fine. Some people are just not initiators, and it's either you make the effort, or you lose touch with them. You can't insist on reciprocity.
- deleted 3y ago
  [deleted]
- luqtas 3y ago
  have you checked on the veracity of this type of contact? last time for me it was a good time with an old one; but continuing would be just nostalgic bazinga... anyway i'm surviving and happy new year [+2 days] nerds!!!!!!!11
  - AlbertCory 3y ago
    > the veracity of this type of contact you mean, are they really good friends or not? One is always reassessing that, I guess.
    - luqtas 3y ago
      [dead]
- andirk 3y ago
  That's me. I've been my friends' glue to some extent since we moved away from high school. I like to think they appreciate it, as I appreciate when they reach out. Happy New Year all HN!
  - BlackjackCF 3y ago
    As the non-glue friend - YES, we do appreciate it, so so much.
- 3y ago
mentos 3y ago
The best 6 months of my life was studying abroad at a foreign university where I would stay up late with 30 other class mates in a lab solving comp sci course problems and then playing quake over lan til midnight. Nothing will ever replace that magic time but HN comes close. Thank you guys happy new year HN!
behnamoh 3y ago
honestly that has made me double think the definition of friendship. they say you know people in hardships. well, I got to know some of my supposed friends when they went on the job market this year and were acting like jerks. after they got jobs, they turned back to normal. but I don't think of them the same as before anymore.
waltbosz 3y ago
I too miss having friends to nerd out with.
quickthrower2 3y ago
I am jealous, as people at my uni seemed to be mostly there for the cheap alcohol and parties and probably to avoid working. I imagined uni would have watercooler chats about interesting stuff. But the incentives aren’t aligned. For that you need niche programming language meetups! Or maybe PhD but I decided against that.
swissfunicular 3y ago
+1

erikaww 3y ago

why don't you start something where you live?

naitgacem 3y ago
> something can you elaborate?
- datadrivenangel 3y ago
  Tech Meetup groups!
- mooreds 3y ago
  Monthly lunches? Meet up to play a tabletop game? Go for a hike? Have a group receive a tech presentation once a quarter? Lots of options, most just take your time and emails/contacting possibly interested folks.
  - naitgacem 3y ago
    I think the biggest issue here is "possibly interested folks". although I'll keep that as a food for thought.
    - mooreds 3y ago
      Yes, that's the crux, for sure. Meetup or local slacks/discords are where I'd start looking. You could also email current or former coworkers, if you have that info.
  - baz00 3y ago
    If it's like around here (London, UK) the last thing people want to talk about is the day job!
    - zer00eyz 3y ago
      The Bay Area in the early 2000's and even into the early 2000-teens was NOT like this. You could go out to lunch and have a technical chat and the people at the table next to you might chime in with a solution! When you get enough passionate people and pack them into one location things get interesting for them (networking, friendships etc)... Much of the passion is gone (lots of people see tech as a path to a paycheck), and everyone wants to WFH.
      - mooreds 3y ago
        There's still good stuff going on at local meet ups. I have experienced it myself. Honest truth is there were always folks without passion in tech.
        baz00 3y ago
        Meetups are bloody amazing. I keep meeting middle aged divorced women there with loose sense of morals and a drinking problem, which is perfect :)
      - baz00 3y ago
        That's because it's not a good vision for the future, it's literally either building shit that everyone knows doesn't matter or plugging away at pointless automation on overcomplicated piles of steaming crap. Or the next fad. People have lost the vision and do not understand the soul of the machine is to improve our state of existence not enslave us further. Fuck 'em. I'm taking the money and doing what makes me feel good (wine, floozies and travel).
        wsintra2022 3y ago
        Ah good ol’floozies
- eatonphil 3y ago
  I've run a few book clubs online and in NYC this last year. And a Discord for folks in the area in systems programming. And a systems programming coffee meetup in NYC. Stuff like that is what I might guess Erik means! :)
ethbr1 3y ago
Parent should if they can! But there's also a big difference in intentionality between meeting someone on the quad / outside your room and starting a meetup with friends (or new friends!) scattered across town. Would also suggest looking for social clubs. I've found the "general social hangouts + minimal focus on a shared interest" are great for people time. Avoids the monomaniacal over-focus of a single-interest activity, while still providing a bridge with random strangers ("You like thing? I like thing!").
- deleted 3y ago
  [deleted]
apwell23 3y ago
social anxiety.

passwordoops 3y ago

Same happened to me. We drifted apart, live in different cities. But nearly 20 years later, with life settled and kids grown we're rekindling via messaging. I hope firstly, you get your group back, and second it doesn't take 20 years

toomuchtodo 3y ago

> HN is a place that feels like home Indeed, the only third place I feel worth participating in (for me of course, ymmv) and enjoy. Appreciate y’all. Thank you dang for all of the hard work.

theusus 3y ago

On the same page

op00to 3y ago

I had a solid email thread with friends from college going for these types of conversations for about 10 years after graduation, but with kids and moving around that all ended.

koliber 3y ago

If you’re ever in need to geek out, hit up someone who posted something interesting and ask them if they’re up for chatting. It’s not the most comfortable thing to do, but I’ve had a some great conversations with random people from HN. You’d be surprised how often it works out. Btw, open invite. Contact info in profile.

AlbertCory 3y ago

I think sometimes you have to realize that it's OKAY if you're always the one to keep in touch, and no one else seems to make any effort. As long as they're happy to talk when you call, or they show up at the group event when you badger them enough: that's fine. Some people are just not initiators, and it's either you make the effort, or you lose touch with them. You can't insist on reciprocity.

deleted 3y ago
[deleted]
luqtas 3y ago
have you checked on the veracity of this type of contact? last time for me it was a good time with an old one; but continuing would be just nostalgic bazinga... anyway i'm surviving and happy new year [+2 days] nerds!!!!!!!11
- AlbertCory 3y ago
  > the veracity of this type of contact you mean, are they really good friends or not? One is always reassessing that, I guess.
  - luqtas 3y ago
    [dead]
andirk 3y ago
That's me. I've been my friends' glue to some extent since we moved away from high school. I like to think they appreciate it, as I appreciate when they reach out. Happy New Year all HN!
- BlackjackCF 3y ago
  As the non-glue friend - YES, we do appreciate it, so so much.
3y ago

mentos 3y ago

The best 6 months of my life was studying abroad at a foreign university where I would stay up late with 30 other class mates in a lab solving comp sci course problems and then playing quake over lan til midnight. Nothing will ever replace that magic time but HN comes close. Thank you guys happy new year HN!

behnamoh 3y ago

honestly that has made me double think the definition of friendship. they say you know people in hardships. well, I got to know some of my supposed friends when they went on the job market this year and were acting like jerks. after they got jobs, they turned back to normal. but I don't think of them the same as before anymore.

waltbosz 3y ago

I too miss having friends to nerd out with.

quickthrower2 3y ago

I am jealous, as people at my uni seemed to be mostly there for the cheap alcohol and parties and probably to avoid working. I imagined uni would have watercooler chats about interesting stuff. But the incentives aren’t aligned. For that you need niche programming language meetups! Or maybe PhD but I decided against that.

swissfunicular 3y ago