4 ms·

The article hints throughout that polyamory is just for the rich. I don't have the data but it's not clear to me that the rich are having more non-monogamous se

by slibhb 3y ago

The article hints throughout that polyamory is just for the rich. I don't have the data but it's not clear to me that the rich are having more non-monogamous sex than the poor. As far as the concept itself goes, I don't think it's possible to divorce possessiveness from sex. I'm suspicious of people who claim to have conquered jealously. And then there's children. It's hard for me to see how polyamory won't be a disaster for children. I hope polyarmory is a fad and I suspect it is, just like "free love" in the 60s.

more_corn 3y ago
There have been reports of children brought up on communes with multiple parent figures. None of them seem to be deeply disturbed.
robocat 3y ago
> I don't think it's possible to divorce possessiveness from sex. I don't get jealous: and I've definitely been in situations which I would judge that many men would get jealous. Maybe I'm on the spectrum or something. As a second example, I presume the majority of Johns that pay for sex don't get jealous about the sex worker having multiple partners. > It's hard for me to see how polyamory won't be a disaster for children I reckon the western nuclear family (mum, dad and kids) is unhealthy. I believe kids do better if they have more than two adults in their lives. Certainly added difficulties: but extended families have been managing similar issues for centuries.
chownie 3y ago
> As far as the concept itself goes, I don't think it's possible to divorce possessiveness from sex. I'm suspicious of people who claim to have conquered jealously. It depends on what you mean by "jealousy", because that term wraps a bunch of disparate ideas, especially given the modern use encompasses envy too. Possessiveness and jealousy are not the same, and jealousy and envy are not the same either. Here's a few different scenarios: 1. My partner sleeps with someone else and this upsets me because I want to sleep with my partner 2. My partner sleeps with someone else and this upsets me because I'm afraid this other person will take my partner 3. My partner sleeps with someone else and this upsets me because I want to sleep with other people 4. My partner sleeps with someone else and this upsets me because I wish I was like the other person All of these scenarios are labelled jealousy, but they're for the most part built from feelings with different motivations. I've been in a long-ish poly relationship since 2015 and since then I've discovered I don't experience jealousy or possessiveness in the classical expression, I'm actually pretty excited when my partners sleep together. Scenario 1 and 2 haven't ever happened for me, I'm either very secure in my feelings around my relationship or that emotional response isn't in my nature. I do experience 3 and 4 but I'd definitely call that a split on envy/FOMO rather than jealousy.

by slibhb 3y ago

more_corn 3y ago

There have been reports of children brought up on communes with multiple parent figures. None of them seem to be deeply disturbed.

robocat 3y ago

> I don't think it's possible to divorce possessiveness from sex. I don't get jealous: and I've definitely been in situations which I would judge that many men would get jealous. Maybe I'm on the spectrum or something. As a second example, I presume the majority of Johns that pay for sex don't get jealous about the sex worker having multiple partners. > It's hard for me to see how polyamory won't be a disaster for children I reckon the western nuclear family (mum, dad and kids) is unhealthy. I believe kids do better if they have more than two adults in their lives. Certainly added difficulties: but extended families have been managing similar issues for centuries.

chownie 3y ago

> As far as the concept itself goes, I don't think it's possible to divorce possessiveness from sex. I'm suspicious of people who claim to have conquered jealously. It depends on what you mean by "jealousy", because that term wraps a bunch of disparate ideas, especially given the modern use encompasses envy too. Possessiveness and jealousy are not the same, and jealousy and envy are not the same either. Here's a few different scenarios: 1. My partner sleeps with someone else and this upsets me because I want to sleep with my partner 2. My partner sleeps with someone else and this upsets me because I'm afraid this other person will take my partner 3. My partner sleeps with someone else and this upsets me because I want to sleep with other people 4. My partner sleeps with someone else and this upsets me because I wish I was like the other person All of these scenarios are labelled jealousy, but they're for the most part built from feelings with different motivations. I've been in a long-ish poly relationship since 2015 and since then I've discovered I don't experience jealousy or possessiveness in the classical expression, I'm actually pretty excited when my partners sleep together. Scenario 1 and 2 haven't ever happened for me, I'm either very secure in my feelings around my relationship or that emotional response isn't in my nature. I do experience 3 and 4 but I'd definitely call that a split on envy/FOMO rather than jealousy.