> I also ask questions about any aspects that sound sub-optimal, which is useful in its own right, but it's just as likely to uncover gaps in my own understandi

> I also ask questions about any aspects that sound sub-optimal, which is useful in its own right, but it's just as likely to uncover gaps in my own understanding - and I have that in mind when formulating the question. And this framing is important: Even if you think you've found a serious problem in the proposal, treat it as if it's a gap in your own understanding and ask the other person to explain, as opposed to framing it as you fixing their faulty ideas. It's a social lubricant, in that it reduces emotional noise caused by people getting defensive, and it saves you embarrassment if you are, in fact, missing something.