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When I was starting my career I had the good fortune of working with a senior consultant who shared a piece of advice when it comes to communication. Specifical

When I was starting my career I had the good fortune of working with a senior consultant who shared a piece of advice when it comes to communication. Specifically, getting someone to take some specific action. In short: - Just because I said it doesn't mean you heard it. - Just because you heard it doesn't mean you understand it. - Just because you understand it doesn't mean you agree with it. - Just because you agree with it doesn't mean you'll do it. It serves as a good reminder for all the potential points of failure in interpersonal communications.

BeetleB 3y ago
The first two is where most people stumble. Before I started to read communications books, I (as with many others) would focus on improving my wording. How did they not understand? Let me be precise and concise so there is no room for confusion. That didn't improve things. Let me be verbose and say the same thing 3 times in different ways. Nope. Coworkers would do something different from what I requested, and then claim I had asked them to do it. I would go to them in frustration, have them to pull up my email, and ask them to point to the line where I made the request they claimed I had made. I was that guy. Finally, after reading the books, I understood that you can say things perfectly but should not expect the other party to understand! The only solution is to ask the other person to reflect back what you said. And to do likewise when they speak to you. Communications is lossy. At the first level they may not have heard (e.g. noisy environment). At the next level they may not have processed it (e.g. zoned out because of some personal problems they are dealing with). At the next level, they may have processed everything, but interpreted the words very differently from what you meant. You cannot change any of these things. Don't (overly) focus on how you said it. Focus on getting them to reflect it back to you.
- ent 3y ago
  That sounds awfully much like something I might be doing. Do you have any specific books you would recommend?
  - BeetleB 3y ago
    Sorry for late reply. Some past comments with recommendations: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27409357 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27409357 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23440902 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23440902 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=16977911 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=16977911 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=22760420 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=22760420
- PaulStatezny 3y ago
  How do you get folks to consistently repeat things back without sounding condescending? Sounds like a great strategy, but: > Can you repeat back what I said? Seems like it'd sound superior or arrogant. Betting you have better strategies than this?
  - BeetleB 3y ago
    I only do it when important. And in person/phone - not over IM/email. If it's a bunch of tasks for the other person, I say "Just so that we're on the same page, can you tell me what you're going to do?" Or even "So, after this long ramble of mine, do you know what needs to be done?" - this often triggers them to rattle off a list.

BeetleB 3y ago

The first two is where most people stumble. Before I started to read communications books, I (as with many others) would focus on improving my wording. How did they not understand? Let me be precise and concise so there is no room for confusion. That didn't improve things. Let me be verbose and say the same thing 3 times in different ways. Nope. Coworkers would do something different from what I requested, and then claim I had asked them to do it. I would go to them in frustration, have them to pull up my email, and ask them to point to the line where I made the request they claimed I had made. I was that guy. Finally, after reading the books, I understood that you can say things perfectly but should not expect the other party to understand! The only solution is to ask the other person to reflect back what you said. And to do likewise when they speak to you. Communications is lossy. At the first level they may not have heard (e.g. noisy environment). At the next level they may not have processed it (e.g. zoned out because of some personal problems they are dealing with). At the next level, they may have processed everything, but interpreted the words very differently from what you meant. You cannot change any of these things. Don't (overly) focus on how you said it. Focus on getting them to reflect it back to you.

ent 3y ago
That sounds awfully much like something I might be doing. Do you have any specific books you would recommend?
- BeetleB 3y ago
  Sorry for late reply. Some past comments with recommendations: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27409357 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27409357 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23440902 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23440902 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=16977911 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=16977911 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=22760420 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=22760420
PaulStatezny 3y ago
How do you get folks to consistently repeat things back without sounding condescending? Sounds like a great strategy, but: > Can you repeat back what I said? Seems like it'd sound superior or arrogant. Betting you have better strategies than this?
- BeetleB 3y ago
  I only do it when important. And in person/phone - not over IM/email. If it's a bunch of tasks for the other person, I say "Just so that we're on the same page, can you tell me what you're going to do?" Or even "So, after this long ramble of mine, do you know what needs to be done?" - this often triggers them to rattle off a list.