Meet Kirkus Reviews. They will actually read it and write a (I guess) well-reasoned review of it. But you, the author, have to pay them. When I checked, it was

Meet Kirkus Reviews. They will actually read it and write a (I guess) well-reasoned review of it. But you, the author, have to pay them. When I checked, it was $450. If you're an author, you also get a deluge of offers to write a review. I didn't follow up on any of these, but you'd assume that they couldn't get any repeat business if they panned your book.