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Love stories like this that unintentionally show how hard parenting is. I guarantee a big share of non parents are thinking “I would simply stop the bad behavio

Love stories like this that unintentionally show how hard parenting is. I guarantee a big share of non parents are thinking “I would simply stop the bad behavior or would have never let it start to begin with”

jader201 3y ago
I’m a parent of two mostly grown boys, one of which was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age, so he definitely had behaviors at a young age that were challenging. But even I’m having a hard time rationalizing that replacing windows with plexiglass was the first solution that worked. It seems like there are a number of other things that would’ve helped without having to go to that extreme. But I do get it — every child is different, and every parent has different methods for approaching challenges. Just saying that this feels extreme, even from the perspective of another parent.
- bagful 3y ago
  As a non-parent, I might replace the window with acrylic simply to deny the child the satisfaction of destroying plate glass
  - joshspankit 3y ago
    Most parents would tell you that having a child learn how to deny satisfaction is a huge detriment. If they learn it from a parent it’s almost impossible to constructively address.
    - worthless-trash 3y ago
      Can you restate that for me, because the way I read it, you are saying that if you teach a child how to deny satisfaction it is a negative. I think there is evidence to show that children who can't delay/deny satisfaction end up making significantly poorer life choices and have worse lives. Anecdotally, every teenager I knew who couldn't accept delayed/denied satisfaction were absolute shits.
      - joshspankit 3y ago
        > Can you restate that for me Definitely. I appreciate when someone asks for clarity. The part I was talking about was “denying the child the satisfaction” as in the parent intentionally frustrating the child to teach them a lesson. I tried to take a shortcut by using the same wording as the person I replied to but I can see how that made it unclear. The point I meant to make is that if a parent uses that technique to teach lessons in that way it’s likely that the child learns to use that technique themselves and turn it on the parent. Further: If a child learns this type of technique from a parent it can be very hard to stop them from using it.
- dylan604 3y ago
  I didn't read the story as the plexiglass working for anything other than eliminating recurring bills of replacing windows. Clearly, the tantrums did not stop as the plexi was all scratched up. So to me, your hard time rationalizing is probably because it's not something that needs doing. Sometimes, you have to stop the bleeding before you can fix the actual issue.
- idontwantthis 3y ago
  It makes a lot of sense to me. If a kid keeps breaking something, stop giving it to him. Kids (and adults) often have an impulse to make problems worse once they know they are in trouble. If they don’t have the opportunity to do that then there is a shorter path to calm down and talk. Like if you know your kid cheated on a test, don’t ask them if they cheated and give them a chance to lie. Just start by saying you know they cheated and why.
verve_rat 3y ago
Put me in the "ever let it start to begin with" camp, because I'm never having kids. That shit looks hard as all hell. Having a kid that smashes windows when told to go to its room sounds like the kind of soul draining thing that causes relationships to end. Huge props to those parents for navigating through that.
- dwbehappy 3y ago
  [dead]
Aurornis 3y ago
On the other hand, non-parents read stories like this and assume it's common behavior, or that all children are like this. A child who throws tantrums and breaks windows would be a parenting challenge indeed and it's not as simple as blaming the parents, but to be clear a situation like this (child breaks windows on a routine basis) would be rather rare.
- eulgro 3y ago
  Solution: don't replace the window and let the goddamn child pay for his sins during the whole winter. That'll teach him. Hint: I'm a non parent.
  - antifa 3y ago
    20% rise in dead children for parents who take this advice seriously.
    - tnel77 3y ago
      Just give them another blanket or two! They’ll be fine. /s
    - eulgro 3y ago
      I call it natural selection.
andrei_says_ 3y ago
And a big share of parents are thinking “this is a really smart solution!” “Bad behaviors” are almost always rooted in chronically unmet needs, over/under stimulation, hypersensitivity, general lack of control, sibling jealousy etc etc. its a good idea to treat them as symptoms to investigate rather than ”behaviors” to eliminate.

jader201 3y ago

I’m a parent of two mostly grown boys, one of which was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age, so he definitely had behaviors at a young age that were challenging. But even I’m having a hard time rationalizing that replacing windows with plexiglass was the first solution that worked. It seems like there are a number of other things that would’ve helped without having to go to that extreme. But I do get it — every child is different, and every parent has different methods for approaching challenges. Just saying that this feels extreme, even from the perspective of another parent.

bagful 3y ago
As a non-parent, I might replace the window with acrylic simply to deny the child the satisfaction of destroying plate glass
- joshspankit 3y ago
  Most parents would tell you that having a child learn how to deny satisfaction is a huge detriment. If they learn it from a parent it’s almost impossible to constructively address.
  - worthless-trash 3y ago
    Can you restate that for me, because the way I read it, you are saying that if you teach a child how to deny satisfaction it is a negative. I think there is evidence to show that children who can't delay/deny satisfaction end up making significantly poorer life choices and have worse lives. Anecdotally, every teenager I knew who couldn't accept delayed/denied satisfaction were absolute shits.
    - joshspankit 3y ago
      > Can you restate that for me Definitely. I appreciate when someone asks for clarity. The part I was talking about was “denying the child the satisfaction” as in the parent intentionally frustrating the child to teach them a lesson. I tried to take a shortcut by using the same wording as the person I replied to but I can see how that made it unclear. The point I meant to make is that if a parent uses that technique to teach lessons in that way it’s likely that the child learns to use that technique themselves and turn it on the parent. Further: If a child learns this type of technique from a parent it can be very hard to stop them from using it.
dylan604 3y ago
I didn't read the story as the plexiglass working for anything other than eliminating recurring bills of replacing windows. Clearly, the tantrums did not stop as the plexi was all scratched up. So to me, your hard time rationalizing is probably because it's not something that needs doing. Sometimes, you have to stop the bleeding before you can fix the actual issue.
idontwantthis 3y ago
It makes a lot of sense to me. If a kid keeps breaking something, stop giving it to him. Kids (and adults) often have an impulse to make problems worse once they know they are in trouble. If they don’t have the opportunity to do that then there is a shorter path to calm down and talk. Like if you know your kid cheated on a test, don’t ask them if they cheated and give them a chance to lie. Just start by saying you know they cheated and why.

verve_rat 3y ago

Put me in the "ever let it start to begin with" camp, because I'm never having kids. That shit looks hard as all hell. Having a kid that smashes windows when told to go to its room sounds like the kind of soul draining thing that causes relationships to end. Huge props to those parents for navigating through that.

dwbehappy 3y ago
[dead]

Aurornis 3y ago

On the other hand, non-parents read stories like this and assume it's common behavior, or that all children are like this. A child who throws tantrums and breaks windows would be a parenting challenge indeed and it's not as simple as blaming the parents, but to be clear a situation like this (child breaks windows on a routine basis) would be rather rare.

eulgro 3y ago
Solution: don't replace the window and let the goddamn child pay for his sins during the whole winter. That'll teach him. Hint: I'm a non parent.
- antifa 3y ago
  20% rise in dead children for parents who take this advice seriously.
  - tnel77 3y ago
    Just give them another blanket or two! They’ll be fine. /s
  - eulgro 3y ago
    I call it natural selection.

andrei_says_ 3y ago

And a big share of parents are thinking “this is a really smart solution!” “Bad behaviors” are almost always rooted in chronically unmet needs, over/under stimulation, hypersensitivity, general lack of control, sibling jealousy etc etc. its a good idea to treat them as symptoms to investigate rather than ”behaviors” to eliminate.