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Oh cool, something that wasn't a problem in the past now has a solution that can be bought through a variety of products and services. I don't know what's goin

Oh cool, something that wasn't a problem in the past now has a solution that can be bought through a variety of products and services. I don't know what's going to stop this machine. The machine craves GDP and profits. The machine needs problems like "boys struggling" in order to create products and services to reap those profits. The machine owns megaphones that broadcast its solutions: buy this product, buy that service. We need to stop this machine. Can you guys maybe turn down the volume on those megaphones and look inward? Instead of looking outward - coaches, counseling, this, that, maybe you need to seriously recalibrate your culture, because we're increasingly productizing solutions to problems that weren't problems in the past, and we're going broke, and our kids are suffering. What are some familial-cultural things you think we could do differently that would help us help boys while not having to spend thousands per month just to give our sons the privilege of a normal life? Remember, these issues simply were not issues in the past. Is there something from the past that we lost along the way that causes these issues? Can we bring that thing back? Similarly, what modern things did we introduce that could be causing these issues? If so, let's focus on removing that, the via negativa. Perhaps what these people call disorganization and distraction is in fact a good thing, and boys are not meant to fit into the square pegs you're carved out? Let them go out into the desert and explore. They can't find and bring back treasure to enrich the tribe if they're stuck in a chair listening to you ramble for 8 hours straight. The problem could be you, not the boys.

hh3k0 3y ago
> Oh cool, something that wasn't a problem in the past now has a solution that can be bought through a variety of products and services. Plastic additives and softeners have been linked to ADHD – and plastic is virtually omnipresent nowadays. ADHD presents differently in boys and girls. I wonder if there could be a relation.
RobRivera 3y ago
This is one of those situations where I find it's best to take agency and ownership over one's life and if a parent, evaluate deeper about why children can't focus. It takes growth to admit maybe people arent doing things right, to a point where it is easier to just spend money on drugs. It shofts the perspective to 'its ok, its not your fault, it is a real problem, you can spend your money' Obv. A complicated thing but hey.
cj 3y ago
> Is there something from the past that we lost along the way that causes these issues? Allowing kids to be bored. It’s a very clear change between 20 years ago and today: 20 years ago kids simply didn’t have unlimited unrestricted access to screens and devices that produce instantaneous hits of dopamine on demand. With TikTok, social media, endless TV streaming… it’s entirely possible for someone to exist for years while never learning to harness or channel boredom in productive ways.
- scott_paul 3y ago
  20 years ago boredom wasn't a thing and we weren't addicted to screens? No, no. This dopamine-addiction screentime crap has been a thing for several generations. It's what fucked up the Boomers, I think, and it was definitely a thing for gen-X'ers like me. This isn't some new thing that just happened to the kids these days, it's a longer term trend that everyone talking here grew up with, and we should examine it as such.
- I_Am_Nous 3y ago
  I agree with you, and the issue seems to be people are being trained to get their sense of identity and worth from something external while also outsourcing their sense of well being to something else. People have always blamed media for societal ills, from traveling theater troupes performing questionable shows to radio dramas to television to TikTok. While those things are a tool which can cause issues, the underlying reason it happens is because people want to turn themselves off for a bit and be entertained to distract themselves from the pain of their lives. The pain never goes away, so the escapism becomes more and more common until people are barely functional without a hit of dopamine. Being bored is painful for my son because he's so used to constant focus on something entertaining. Mostly it's fear of missing out in his case, which is something good for him to learn to recognize and resist.
fatherzine 3y ago
100% Very hard to turn down the volume as an individual actor. It's a social dilemma (sic). I remember a recent poll indicating students would pay for /others/ to use their devices less. It is no random accident that the Church sees itself as the 'body of Christ'. That body, social fabric in modern parlance, is splintering at accelerating pace, thanks to digital comms -- thanks facebook. Uncharted rough waters for a social species like ourselves. A good summary on X -- please ignore the tacky username. Similar sentiments in Gabor Mate's 'Hold on to your Kids'. https://twitter.com/TheBrometheus/status/1725303595908628684 https://twitter.com/TheBrometheus/status/1725303595908628684 "Most people use therapy the way humans are meant to connect with our 5 safety net systems, which we retained even up to 100 years ago: Immediate family Extended family (kin) Family friend network (kith) Local community Religious community All 5 are now broken."

hh3k0 3y ago

> Oh cool, something that wasn't a problem in the past now has a solution that can be bought through a variety of products and services. Plastic additives and softeners have been linked to ADHD – and plastic is virtually omnipresent nowadays. ADHD presents differently in boys and girls. I wonder if there could be a relation.

RobRivera 3y ago

This is one of those situations where I find it's best to take agency and ownership over one's life and if a parent, evaluate deeper about why children can't focus. It takes growth to admit maybe people arent doing things right, to a point where it is easier to just spend money on drugs. It shofts the perspective to 'its ok, its not your fault, it is a real problem, you can spend your money' Obv. A complicated thing but hey.

cj 3y ago

> Is there something from the past that we lost along the way that causes these issues? Allowing kids to be bored. It’s a very clear change between 20 years ago and today: 20 years ago kids simply didn’t have unlimited unrestricted access to screens and devices that produce instantaneous hits of dopamine on demand. With TikTok, social media, endless TV streaming… it’s entirely possible for someone to exist for years while never learning to harness or channel boredom in productive ways.

scott_paul 3y ago
20 years ago boredom wasn't a thing and we weren't addicted to screens? No, no. This dopamine-addiction screentime crap has been a thing for several generations. It's what fucked up the Boomers, I think, and it was definitely a thing for gen-X'ers like me. This isn't some new thing that just happened to the kids these days, it's a longer term trend that everyone talking here grew up with, and we should examine it as such.
I_Am_Nous 3y ago
I agree with you, and the issue seems to be people are being trained to get their sense of identity and worth from something external while also outsourcing their sense of well being to something else. People have always blamed media for societal ills, from traveling theater troupes performing questionable shows to radio dramas to television to TikTok. While those things are a tool which can cause issues, the underlying reason it happens is because people want to turn themselves off for a bit and be entertained to distract themselves from the pain of their lives. The pain never goes away, so the escapism becomes more and more common until people are barely functional without a hit of dopamine. Being bored is painful for my son because he's so used to constant focus on something entertaining. Mostly it's fear of missing out in his case, which is something good for him to learn to recognize and resist.

fatherzine 3y ago

100% Very hard to turn down the volume as an individual actor. It's a social dilemma (sic). I remember a recent poll indicating students would pay for /others/ to use their devices less. It is no random accident that the Church sees itself as the 'body of Christ'. That body, social fabric in modern parlance, is splintering at accelerating pace, thanks to digital comms -- thanks facebook. Uncharted rough waters for a social species like ourselves. A good summary on X -- please ignore the tacky username. Similar sentiments in Gabor Mate's 'Hold on to your Kids'. https://twitter.com/TheBrometheus/status/1725303595908628684 https://twitter.com/TheBrometheus/status/1725303595908628684 "Most people use therapy the way humans are meant to connect with our 5 safety net systems, which we retained even up to 100 years ago: Immediate family Extended family (kin) Family friend network (kith) Local community Religious community All 5 are now broken."