4 ms·

That’s certainly a very valid viewpoint but it sounds like some form of social anxiety. I’m pretty introverted and rarely make smalltalk with anyone unprompted

That’s certainly a very valid viewpoint but it sounds like some form of social anxiety. I’m pretty introverted and rarely make smalltalk with anyone unprompted but I still enjoy going to certain restaurants and kind of nursing a drink while zoning out. I usually avoid the bar while alone because some bartenders think you want to chat.

gspencley 3y ago
It's actually not social anxiety. Believe it or not, my wife and I are performing magicians, so I'm actually a part time entertainer on the side. I have no issues mingling, making small talk if I have to, and enjoying the company of others. But it's when I'm not seeking those things, when I want to enjoy a meal or a private conversation, then I start to a) feel protective of my privacy (and yes I know, restaurant = public place) and b) I just have no interest in the type of socializing that we're talking about (making small talk with the wait staff etc.). In other words I just want to be left alone, and I find the concept of people "people watching" me while I eat or go about my daily business to be, well, creepy. If I'm asking for attention it's different. If I'm enjoying a meal with my wife, leave me alone. I will add, however, that the privacy element is probably a bit more "extreme" for me than others because of having experiences as a child where privacy and boundaries, when there was an expectation of privacy, was violated. And so I am more concerned with privacy than probably even the typical tinfoil hat wearing techie who is paranoid about Internet and device privacy. That's undoubtedly where the thought of people "people watching" me while I eat at a restaurant creeps me the hell out comes from.
- porknubbins 3y ago
  Its interesting how a few positive or negative experiences can affect the way we feel about something for so long. I am unduly paranoid about my privacy when working from my home office, and I absolutely hate anyone approaching my screen to look and ask what I’m working on. I always have to catch myself to avoid snapping at my wife when she barges in. In my case its probably that my father used to aggressively check our screens and say like “oh who is that girl you’re talking to on Facebook etc” (not in a fun way, kind of ridiculing or trying to embarass you kind of way). Its completely irrational but the back of my head is yelling “an authority figure is about to come tease, ridicule, question you etc”. So I definitely see where you’re coming from.

gspencley 3y ago

It's actually not social anxiety. Believe it or not, my wife and I are performing magicians, so I'm actually a part time entertainer on the side. I have no issues mingling, making small talk if I have to, and enjoying the company of others. But it's when I'm not seeking those things, when I want to enjoy a meal or a private conversation, then I start to a) feel protective of my privacy (and yes I know, restaurant = public place) and b) I just have no interest in the type of socializing that we're talking about (making small talk with the wait staff etc.). In other words I just want to be left alone, and I find the concept of people "people watching" me while I eat or go about my daily business to be, well, creepy. If I'm asking for attention it's different. If I'm enjoying a meal with my wife, leave me alone. I will add, however, that the privacy element is probably a bit more "extreme" for me than others because of having experiences as a child where privacy and boundaries, when there was an expectation of privacy, was violated. And so I am more concerned with privacy than probably even the typical tinfoil hat wearing techie who is paranoid about Internet and device privacy. That's undoubtedly where the thought of people "people watching" me while I eat at a restaurant creeps me the hell out comes from.

porknubbins 3y ago
Its interesting how a few positive or negative experiences can affect the way we feel about something for so long. I am unduly paranoid about my privacy when working from my home office, and I absolutely hate anyone approaching my screen to look and ask what I’m working on. I always have to catch myself to avoid snapping at my wife when she barges in. In my case its probably that my father used to aggressively check our screens and say like “oh who is that girl you’re talking to on Facebook etc” (not in a fun way, kind of ridiculing or trying to embarass you kind of way). Its completely irrational but the back of my head is yelling “an authority figure is about to come tease, ridicule, question you etc”. So I definitely see where you’re coming from.