3 ms·

Only one here finding that story super awkward, weird and full of clichēs?

woleium 3y ago
it’s definitely got first draft vibes, but there is a great story in there.
layer8 3y ago
The issue for me is that neither the detailed-spreadsheet girlfriend nor the levelling-up-all-the-skills girlfriend seem particularly believable characters. And the “I’m fake-sorry you’re such a pitiful person” is always cringy. Not to mention that “Roberta” almost did the same to “Alice” in return by pettily now also keeping her as a temporary girlfriend. Leaving her right away would have been the more appropriate and “levelled-up” choice.
- gurchik 3y ago
  The main character cheated on their girlfriend to prepare for revenge for... what crime exactly? A private note that she violated her girlfriend's privacy to read? Are we supposed to root for the main character because they stopped themselves short on getting revenge and wasn't as shitty of a person as they originally wanted to be? I get this is (likely) fiction, and with all art, not everyone is going to "get it." That said, I don't really get it. The main character is the worst person in the story, but they're also not a relatable flawed antihero you can root for. What did the author intend for us to think?
  - layer8 3y ago
    Yeah, the juxtaposition of those flaws with the “let me work hard to become a more admirable (admired?) person” with the “and I’m super skillful at those improvements” is weird. Also details like cannot help but weep at the picture of a dead bird.
  - LeroyRaz 3y ago
    I agree. Spreadsheet person is bizarre, but did nothing wrong (nor are they sad for having a spreadsheet, just unusual). I also find the protagonists leveling up mockable (but not particularly funny). Personal growth in any characteristic takes time and major effort, but maybe that is part of the satire? I find it hard to workout what is being played straight, and what is being mocked, tbh, I just don't care, or find it that funny. The tropes seem strongly tied to the rationality and EA communities, so maybe if one is part of those communities there is more to the satire?
    - TeMPOraL 3y ago
      > The tropes seem strongly tied to the rationality and EA communities, so maybe if one is part of those communities there is more to the satire? Rationality community is where you'd expect to find some spreadsheet people. So if this story is in any way related, it would be an unsuccessful attempt at mocking them.
- acjohnson55 3y ago
  I believe we're supposed to empathize with the hurt the narrator feels but see that the narrator is a bit deranged. The in-story new girlfriend even sees this, and probably knows that the Alice and Roberta story is really about the narrator. It's basically an anti-hero story.
- smsm42 3y ago
  I can believe in the spreadsheet Alice. I mean I've met people that I wouldn't be surprised if I learned they did it. Males, but I don't see why a female can't be that too.
op00to 3y ago
It read like a bullied teenager’s fantasy scribblings.
stavros 3y ago
I don't know, I found it a very enjoyable piece of satire.
smsm42 3y ago
No you're not probably. But it's pretty standard "A is wronged undeservedly, then A becomes super cool and shows everybody and especially the wronger how it was wrong and then lives happily ever after". There's literally thousands of movies with this formula. Nothing wrong with it, it's a nice story formula. I personally like the ones where there's mafia and retired special ops guy and loud explosions more, but I wouldn't judge anybody who likes this way more. The only mistake would be to seek there something that isn't there.
DontchaKnowit 3y ago
No I was pretty repulsed by it. Goofy and unbelievable premise dressed up to sound profound. Also the prose was kinda whack. Not my cup of tea.

it’s definitely got first draft vibes, but there is a great story in there.

The issue for me is that neither the detailed-spreadsheet girlfriend nor the levelling-up-all-the-skills girlfriend seem particularly believable characters. And the “I’m fake-sorry you’re such a pitiful person” is always cringy. Not to mention that “Roberta” almost did the same to “Alice” in return by pettily now also keeping her as a temporary girlfriend. Leaving her right away would have been the more appropriate and “levelled-up” choice.

gurchik 3y ago
The main character cheated on their girlfriend to prepare for revenge for... what crime exactly? A private note that she violated her girlfriend's privacy to read? Are we supposed to root for the main character because they stopped themselves short on getting revenge and wasn't as shitty of a person as they originally wanted to be? I get this is (likely) fiction, and with all art, not everyone is going to "get it." That said, I don't really get it. The main character is the worst person in the story, but they're also not a relatable flawed antihero you can root for. What did the author intend for us to think?
- layer8 3y ago
  Yeah, the juxtaposition of those flaws with the “let me work hard to become a more admirable (admired?) person” with the “and I’m super skillful at those improvements” is weird. Also details like cannot help but weep at the picture of a dead bird.
- LeroyRaz 3y ago
  I agree. Spreadsheet person is bizarre, but did nothing wrong (nor are they sad for having a spreadsheet, just unusual). I also find the protagonists leveling up mockable (but not particularly funny). Personal growth in any characteristic takes time and major effort, but maybe that is part of the satire? I find it hard to workout what is being played straight, and what is being mocked, tbh, I just don't care, or find it that funny. The tropes seem strongly tied to the rationality and EA communities, so maybe if one is part of those communities there is more to the satire?
  - TeMPOraL 3y ago
    > The tropes seem strongly tied to the rationality and EA communities, so maybe if one is part of those communities there is more to the satire? Rationality community is where you'd expect to find some spreadsheet people. So if this story is in any way related, it would be an unsuccessful attempt at mocking them.
acjohnson55 3y ago
I believe we're supposed to empathize with the hurt the narrator feels but see that the narrator is a bit deranged. The in-story new girlfriend even sees this, and probably knows that the Alice and Roberta story is really about the narrator. It's basically an anti-hero story.
smsm42 3y ago
I can believe in the spreadsheet Alice. I mean I've met people that I wouldn't be surprised if I learned they did it. Males, but I don't see why a female can't be that too.

op00to 3y ago

It read like a bullied teenager’s fantasy scribblings.

stavros 3y ago

I don't know, I found it a very enjoyable piece of satire.

smsm42 3y ago

No you're not probably. But it's pretty standard "A is wronged undeservedly, then A becomes super cool and shows everybody and especially the wronger how it was wrong and then lives happily ever after". There's literally thousands of movies with this formula. Nothing wrong with it, it's a nice story formula. I personally like the ones where there's mafia and retired special ops guy and loud explosions more, but I wouldn't judge anybody who likes this way more. The only mistake would be to seek there something that isn't there.

DontchaKnowit 3y ago

No I was pretty repulsed by it. Goofy and unbelievable premise dressed up to sound profound. Also the prose was kinda whack. Not my cup of tea.