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It's strange reading these comments. So many folks have discounted the results of the study by suggesting that of course childree folks will say they have no re

It's strange reading these comments. So many folks have discounted the results of the study by suggesting that of course childree folks will say they have no regrets about their decision because they don't want to admit how they really feel. First, this a very cynical take on people. Second, it is really a criticism of all studies based on reported life satisfaction, not this particular study. Third, and most importantly: the same objection applies even more strongly to the parents who were asked how they felt about their decision. If you think that the non-parents lied, then you should also be open to the possibility that the parents lied as well. There is a strong stigma around parents saying that they regret having kids (much stronger than any stigma around being child-free IMO) so actually I would find it much more plausible that the parents disproportionately lied.

klipt 3y ago
The question is regret at what stage of life? I'm sure plenty of parents feel stressed out waking up at night with a newborn baby. But once their kids are grown up and accomplishing things that make them proud, I doubt most parents regret that. It's like studying to be a doctor: years of tough work, but usually followed by even more years of reaping the rewards for that work.
- voisin 3y ago
  > It's like studying to be a doctor: years of tough work, but usually followed by even more years of reaping the rewards for that work. Great analogy. Ask any group of people who has done any challenging thing - law, medicine, marathon, etc etc - and probably half would discourage you from doing them while simultaneously feeling like they wouldn’t be the people they are without having done that thing.
low_tech_love 3y ago
I think it’s an inherent flaw in the experiment itself, possibly unsolvable: how can you regret something you never had? Maybe there are other questions that one can ask like “how often do you think about the alternative?” or “if you imagine living the alternative choice, how does it feel?” Or something along those lines.
jwestbury 3y ago
As someone in my late 30s and childless -- and with a vasectomy to ensure that remains the case -- I have some regrets, but they're on the same level as the regrets that I got a dog which I struggle sometimes to care for. That is to say: Normal life regrets about closed doors, which I would likely have in the other direction if I didn't have children. In fact, on balance, I'd guess I have less regrets than I would otherwise. I think the pet comparison is apt here, because there's a lot of discussion in the "new puppy owner" community about feeling like we made a mistake, and a lot of corollary discussion about how having children is largely the same, but it's not socially acceptable to talk about those feelings when it's a human child. (The upside to a puppy, of course, is that you have a fully-formed dog in 2-3 years, instead of 18-25 years. The upside to a child is they probably won't die and leave you, and they might help care for you when you get older, though you shouldn't really plan on that.)

klipt 3y ago

The question is regret at what stage of life? I'm sure plenty of parents feel stressed out waking up at night with a newborn baby. But once their kids are grown up and accomplishing things that make them proud, I doubt most parents regret that. It's like studying to be a doctor: years of tough work, but usually followed by even more years of reaping the rewards for that work.

voisin 3y ago
> It's like studying to be a doctor: years of tough work, but usually followed by even more years of reaping the rewards for that work. Great analogy. Ask any group of people who has done any challenging thing - law, medicine, marathon, etc etc - and probably half would discourage you from doing them while simultaneously feeling like they wouldn’t be the people they are without having done that thing.

low_tech_love 3y ago

I think it’s an inherent flaw in the experiment itself, possibly unsolvable: how can you regret something you never had? Maybe there are other questions that one can ask like “how often do you think about the alternative?” or “if you imagine living the alternative choice, how does it feel?” Or something along those lines.

jwestbury 3y ago

As someone in my late 30s and childless -- and with a vasectomy to ensure that remains the case -- I have some regrets, but they're on the same level as the regrets that I got a dog which I struggle sometimes to care for. That is to say: Normal life regrets about closed doors, which I would likely have in the other direction if I didn't have children. In fact, on balance, I'd guess I have less regrets than I would otherwise. I think the pet comparison is apt here, because there's a lot of discussion in the "new puppy owner" community about feeling like we made a mistake, and a lot of corollary discussion about how having children is largely the same, but it's not socially acceptable to talk about those feelings when it's a human child. (The upside to a puppy, of course, is that you have a fully-formed dog in 2-3 years, instead of 18-25 years. The upside to a child is they probably won't die and leave you, and they might help care for you when you get older, though you shouldn't really plan on that.)