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I’ve tried clubs/meetups they feel weird and inorganic. Like they aren’t how you’re supposed to make friends. I should probably get back into music, I’m just w

I’ve tried clubs/meetups they feel weird and inorganic. Like they aren’t how you’re supposed to make friends. I should probably get back into music, I’m just worried it’ll lead towards drug use since that’s my past. That and the music I like isn’t very popular.

lawgimenez 3y ago
What music genre are you into?
- sgt 3y ago
  I can imagine he's into 90s industrial grunge rock.
  - pipeline_peak 3y ago
    What made you think that?
- pipeline_peak 3y ago
  90s Indie rock: guided by voices, Royal trux, mercury rev, lemon heads, built to spill
  - lawgimenez 3y ago
    I only know lemon heads, and not even that knee deep with their catalog. 90s was always that depressing drug-fueled era.
trevyn 3y ago
>I’ve tried clubs/meetups they feel weird and inorganic. Like they aren’t how you’re supposed to make friends. Agree, but they get you in practice making casual conversation, which is how you make friends — casual conversation with people you frequently share physical space with. Honestly, shared interests are only a bonus; if you share physical space with enough people on a regular enough basis, and repeatedly make casual conversation with them, some of them will magically become friends.
lazyasciiart 3y ago
They pretty much are how you’re supposed to make friends though. They create a recurring commitment to be around the same group of people regularly, so you can become familiar and identify people you like, without creating direct social obligations too soon. It can feel inorganic if you are not enjoying the recurring activity itself, and also don’t have any obligation to attend. But that’s how people make friends at school, in college, on their basketball team… it sounds like you’d benefit from finding activities where there is an element of obligation, like a recurring group volunteer event, or a small sports team where someone not showing is a big disadvantage.
wolverine876 3y ago
Some ideas: Find things that feel natural to you, and you'll find your people. Also, making friends isn't chit-chat or magic. Just listen and have compassion. Actually be interested in the other person as themself, in their own universe, not as an object in your passion play of need. Do that with everyone. Some won't want to engage - accepting that is part of being interested in them as separate beings; that's where they are at the moment. Read the situation a bit - how they look, what they're doing, etc., and respect them, have compassion for their difficult day. Some will engage more, people will fit with you more or less, some will become friends to varying degrees. Accept however it works out and you'll have a variety of relationships. Some will objectify you as an object in their passion play of need - those are relationships to avoid. You aren't really a participant; they only see you as what they need (or as a failure to be what they need). Learn about objectification - important for understanding oneself and others.

lawgimenez 3y ago

What music genre are you into?

sgt 3y ago
I can imagine he's into 90s industrial grunge rock.
- pipeline_peak 3y ago
  What made you think that?
pipeline_peak 3y ago
90s Indie rock: guided by voices, Royal trux, mercury rev, lemon heads, built to spill
- lawgimenez 3y ago
  I only know lemon heads, and not even that knee deep with their catalog. 90s was always that depressing drug-fueled era.

trevyn 3y ago

>I’ve tried clubs/meetups they feel weird and inorganic. Like they aren’t how you’re supposed to make friends. Agree, but they get you in practice making casual conversation, which is how you make friends — casual conversation with people you frequently share physical space with. Honestly, shared interests are only a bonus; if you share physical space with enough people on a regular enough basis, and repeatedly make casual conversation with them, some of them will magically become friends.

lazyasciiart 3y ago

They pretty much are how you’re supposed to make friends though. They create a recurring commitment to be around the same group of people regularly, so you can become familiar and identify people you like, without creating direct social obligations too soon. It can feel inorganic if you are not enjoying the recurring activity itself, and also don’t have any obligation to attend. But that’s how people make friends at school, in college, on their basketball team… it sounds like you’d benefit from finding activities where there is an element of obligation, like a recurring group volunteer event, or a small sports team where someone not showing is a big disadvantage.

wolverine876 3y ago

Some ideas: Find things that feel natural to you, and you'll find your people. Also, making friends isn't chit-chat or magic. Just listen and have compassion. Actually be interested in the other person as themself, in their own universe, not as an object in your passion play of need. Do that with everyone. Some won't want to engage - accepting that is part of being interested in them as separate beings; that's where they are at the moment. Read the situation a bit - how they look, what they're doing, etc., and respect them, have compassion for their difficult day. Some will engage more, people will fit with you more or less, some will become friends to varying degrees. Accept however it works out and you'll have a variety of relationships. Some will objectify you as an object in their passion play of need - those are relationships to avoid. You aren't really a participant; they only see you as what they need (or as a failure to be what they need). Learn about objectification - important for understanding oneself and others.