5 ms·

I need friends

deleted 3y ago
[deleted]
wolverine876 3y ago
Nobody should downplay this very vital need. Isolation is worse than almost anything; better to be hungry with friends/family than fully fed and isolated. It's not easy, but if you share what you've tried, people might have suggestions. If you share where you are (I completely understand if not) then you might find neighbors.
- _rs 3y ago
  I'll throw my hat in the ring: I'm from NYC. It's something how isolated you can feel with so many people around
- pipeline_peak 3y ago
  I’ve tried clubs/meetups they feel weird and inorganic. Like they aren’t how you’re supposed to make friends. I should probably get back into music, I’m just worried it’ll lead towards drug use since that’s my past. That and the music I like isn’t very popular.
  - lawgimenez 3y ago
    What music genre are you into?
    - sgt 3y ago
      I can imagine he's into 90s industrial grunge rock.
      - pipeline_peak 3y ago
        What made you think that?
    - pipeline_peak 3y ago
      90s Indie rock: guided by voices, Royal trux, mercury rev, lemon heads, built to spill
      - lawgimenez 3y ago
        I only know lemon heads, and not even that knee deep with their catalog. 90s was always that depressing drug-fueled era.
  - trevyn 3y ago
    >I’ve tried clubs/meetups they feel weird and inorganic. Like they aren’t how you’re supposed to make friends. Agree, but they get you in practice making casual conversation, which is how you make friends — casual conversation with people you frequently share physical space with. Honestly, shared interests are only a bonus; if you share physical space with enough people on a regular enough basis, and repeatedly make casual conversation with them, some of them will magically become friends.
  - lazyasciiart 3y ago
    They pretty much are how you’re supposed to make friends though. They create a recurring commitment to be around the same group of people regularly, so you can become familiar and identify people you like, without creating direct social obligations too soon. It can feel inorganic if you are not enjoying the recurring activity itself, and also don’t have any obligation to attend. But that’s how people make friends at school, in college, on their basketball team… it sounds like you’d benefit from finding activities where there is an element of obligation, like a recurring group volunteer event, or a small sports team where someone not showing is a big disadvantage.
  - wolverine876 3y ago
    Some ideas: Find things that feel natural to you, and you'll find your people. Also, making friends isn't chit-chat or magic. Just listen and have compassion. Actually be interested in the other person as themself, in their own universe, not as an object in your passion play of need. Do that with everyone. Some won't want to engage - accepting that is part of being interested in them as separate beings; that's where they are at the moment. Read the situation a bit - how they look, what they're doing, etc., and respect them, have compassion for their difficult day. Some will engage more, people will fit with you more or less, some will become friends to varying degrees. Accept however it works out and you'll have a variety of relationships. Some will objectify you as an object in their passion play of need - those are relationships to avoid. You aren't really a participant; they only see you as what they need (or as a failure to be what they need). Learn about objectification - important for understanding oneself and others.
iancmceachern 3y ago
I've found friendship through several long term "pen pals". We email eachother. Some I've met as former coworkers or we went to school together, some are random people from the internet. Don't discount this form of friendship. If you want you can send me an email, it's in my bio.
torotonnato 3y ago
Hey! Want to chat? Email in my bio
dataflow 3y ago
Perhaps describe something about yourself? Like listing your interests, or location... whatever you're comfortable with? It's much easier to make friends with people you have common things with.
dotancohen 3y ago
Do you have any interesting hobbies? Tell me about them! Have you read any interesting books? Tell me about them! Have you had any interesting adventures, trips, or things that you have done? Tell me about them! Have you written any poems or stories? Tell me about them! Can I call you?
octobernine 3y ago
Hey, I need a friend too. If you give me a contact I will be happy to message you.
- subhro 3y ago
  Email’s on profile.
hypercube33 3y ago
People have already given awesome suggestions here. There was also a suggestion a few weeks ago to just chat people up about stuff at stores and some will reject that and others are just as happy as you will be to strike up a conversation and who knows where it'll go from there. Also for ransom pen pals I use an app called slowly to connect to people around the world. I don't think I've reached out to anyone not super interesting.
deleted 3y ago
[deleted]

I need friends

deleted 3y ago

[deleted]

Nobody should downplay this very vital need. Isolation is worse than almost anything; better to be hungry with friends/family than fully fed and isolated. It's not easy, but if you share what you've tried, people might have suggestions. If you share where you are (I completely understand if not) then you might find neighbors.

_rs 3y ago
I'll throw my hat in the ring: I'm from NYC. It's something how isolated you can feel with so many people around
pipeline_peak 3y ago
I’ve tried clubs/meetups they feel weird and inorganic. Like they aren’t how you’re supposed to make friends. I should probably get back into music, I’m just worried it’ll lead towards drug use since that’s my past. That and the music I like isn’t very popular.
- lawgimenez 3y ago
  What music genre are you into?
  - sgt 3y ago
    I can imagine he's into 90s industrial grunge rock.
    - pipeline_peak 3y ago
      What made you think that?
  - pipeline_peak 3y ago
    90s Indie rock: guided by voices, Royal trux, mercury rev, lemon heads, built to spill
    - lawgimenez 3y ago
      I only know lemon heads, and not even that knee deep with their catalog. 90s was always that depressing drug-fueled era.
- trevyn 3y ago
  >I’ve tried clubs/meetups they feel weird and inorganic. Like they aren’t how you’re supposed to make friends. Agree, but they get you in practice making casual conversation, which is how you make friends — casual conversation with people you frequently share physical space with. Honestly, shared interests are only a bonus; if you share physical space with enough people on a regular enough basis, and repeatedly make casual conversation with them, some of them will magically become friends.
- lazyasciiart 3y ago
  They pretty much are how you’re supposed to make friends though. They create a recurring commitment to be around the same group of people regularly, so you can become familiar and identify people you like, without creating direct social obligations too soon. It can feel inorganic if you are not enjoying the recurring activity itself, and also don’t have any obligation to attend. But that’s how people make friends at school, in college, on their basketball team… it sounds like you’d benefit from finding activities where there is an element of obligation, like a recurring group volunteer event, or a small sports team where someone not showing is a big disadvantage.
- wolverine876 3y ago
  Some ideas: Find things that feel natural to you, and you'll find your people. Also, making friends isn't chit-chat or magic. Just listen and have compassion. Actually be interested in the other person as themself, in their own universe, not as an object in your passion play of need. Do that with everyone. Some won't want to engage - accepting that is part of being interested in them as separate beings; that's where they are at the moment. Read the situation a bit - how they look, what they're doing, etc., and respect them, have compassion for their difficult day. Some will engage more, people will fit with you more or less, some will become friends to varying degrees. Accept however it works out and you'll have a variety of relationships. Some will objectify you as an object in their passion play of need - those are relationships to avoid. You aren't really a participant; they only see you as what they need (or as a failure to be what they need). Learn about objectification - important for understanding oneself and others.

iancmceachern 3y ago

I've found friendship through several long term "pen pals". We email eachother. Some I've met as former coworkers or we went to school together, some are random people from the internet. Don't discount this form of friendship. If you want you can send me an email, it's in my bio.

torotonnato 3y ago

Hey! Want to chat? Email in my bio

dataflow 3y ago

Perhaps describe something about yourself? Like listing your interests, or location... whatever you're comfortable with? It's much easier to make friends with people you have common things with.

dotancohen 3y ago

Do you have any interesting hobbies? Tell me about them! Have you read any interesting books? Tell me about them! Have you had any interesting adventures, trips, or things that you have done? Tell me about them! Have you written any poems or stories? Tell me about them! Can I call you?

octobernine 3y ago

Hey, I need a friend too. If you give me a contact I will be happy to message you.

subhro 3y ago
Email’s on profile.

hypercube33 3y ago

People have already given awesome suggestions here. There was also a suggestion a few weeks ago to just chat people up about stuff at stores and some will reject that and others are just as happy as you will be to strike up a conversation and who knows where it'll go from there. Also for ransom pen pals I use an app called slowly to connect to people around the world. I don't think I've reached out to anyone not super interesting.

deleted 3y ago

[deleted]