my wife and me, having successfully* raised teens to adulthood and with a 15 year old daughter still in the house, here's my opinions. caveat: i don't need from

my wife and me, having successfully* raised teens to adulthood and with a 15 year old daughter still in the house, here's my opinions. caveat: i don't need from 80 people who never had kids as to why i'm wrong. you'all can do what you want, but the OP (in the article) essentially asked a question: - for this analysis i'm presuming the parents did not violate the law or child-pornography issues. Otherwise, we're not talking about an advice column, we're talking about a lawyer. So the rest of this presumes that, because otherwise we'd be reading about it in the court news. - the adults did not breach "trust". the daughter (hiding a boyfriend) did. it's totally a forgivable and understandable thing, kids being kids. but its still wrong. - the article raises a good point. gee, i wonder why? probably overbearing parents. never-the-less... - but we'd have definitely handled it different. not because it's necessarily wrong, but it's just not stupid and not effective - what did you expect to see? what were you going to do about it if you saw it? better just remove the bedroom door or tell her up -front "ok but we put cameras up all over the house so if you have anyone over we'll know about it". - this must be balanced with privacy and freedom. but always from the position is that the givers and takers of these privileges are the adults. privacy and freedom, phones, internet, cars, "having a life" are earned privileges for kids. - a good example. we purposefully told my daughter, just like any employer does, the privilege of internet and phone comes with the fact that we have the right and ability to monitor everything done on them. do we? probably not, but we can and will. disclose it up front. it creates a disincentive to stray. - but you can't do that all at once. you can't spend 15 years not training, and then come down hard when the first boyfriend or joint or party pops up. training is about setting up situations for success, not failure. so my kids know already how to succeed and make good choices to earn freedom way before the teenage years. yes, a parent's job is a kid-trainer. - reasonable expectations. kids, especially teens, are allowed to stray (a little), have their own lives, have boyfriends you don't like, etc. what are your "red-lines" you don't ever cross? stick to that and be fair and consistent. it's not fair to allow boyfriends, but only the "ones you like". it is fair to allow boyfriends, but only XOXO, but no XXX, and no-smoking, no 42 year olds perverts, etc. - the response in the article is such bad advice. let's say the parents realize they royally screwed up and feel really guilty. ok, go confess to the priest or something. don't do that again then. everyone survived and is fine. shut up. - to the question: "what now?". well, kid survived high-school (and her parents) and is headed to college. do you want a giant fight? do you want to wreck your relationship? what good can come of it. nothing. so shut-up, throw that damn bear away and never speak of it. look forward. *so far, knock on wood, but married, employed, and homeowners, so far so good