3 ms·
My tip would be: just don't care. I once was hired as a type of consultant for an internal matter. The company had a lot of in-house developed software from va
by iteratethis 3y ago
My tip would be: just don't care.
I once was hired as a type of consultant for an internal matter. The company had a lot of in-house developed software from various internal departments situated in different countries.
A whole bunch of representatives traveled to a single location focusing on one such important application. We had 10 local versions of it. Plan is to get rid of all of them and align on what should go into a single new one that was to be built.
The sessions were a total disaster. A tragedy of the commons situation where each representative did not cooperate or align, instead they all tried to "win" each and every little detail. Frustration grew, there was shouting, petty revenge behavior, toddler-like silence (I refuse to further speak), people simply leaving, and even people crying from stress.
In the debrief with the session leader, she was still traumatized. She watched me dutifully make notes and then asked: how do you do this?
During the sessions, which lasted 2 days, I was at perfect peace amidst a bunch of screaming pseudo-adults. Completely unbothered. I'm not talking about controlling my frustration, I had none at all.
Because I don't care. It's a super power. Which obviously needs to be applied responsibly.
- ravishi 3y agoIf I may ask: do you have kids? I used to have a lot of trouble when trying to not care about stuff. I didn't care about most stuff, but it used to be impossible to not care about stuff I was naturally interested in. Now after almost three years raising a toddler I can see clearly when people are behaving like babies. And I'm used to handle a stressed baby who is not cooperating for God knows why. It happens quite frequently and I just play along. I got used to being there, offering support without any expectations (because he usually doesn't want any at that point), trying things out just to give him a chance to take the bait, etc. Now it just feels like life is finally making sense to me. I catch myself applying this to my relationship with my wife, to my work, etc. I feel like I would probably not make these realizations nor develop this mindset if it wasn't for my kid.
- imetatroll 3y agoMan does this resonate. More people should endure kids not just for this but for the joyful moments as well.
- iteratethis 3y agoI don't have kids, but I can totally understand how that would increase one's tolerance for chaos. I think I "don't care" because I'm very analytical. Already at a very young age did I realize that this world doesn't make much sense in that it's not very logical, consistent or fair. It's more like a game to play. So you develop a kind of "humans going to human" attitude where you detach from drama. Or at least pick your battles.
- tpoacher 3y ago"Humans going to human". I like that. Hope you don't mind me stealing it :)
- PikachuEXE 3y agoAgree. Point is to control emotion (negative side at least) and get stuff done. Perform like a "professional killer" who kills problems (I remember there is a manga with this topic). There are always too many people losing their control of themselves (or don't have enough from the beginning). If possible, help them. If not, help yourself and don't bother. We are entities with limits. Spending time on things we cannot/will not do is a waste (I value my will almost as important as my capability, we are humans not slaves/machines).
- neilmarion 3y agoThis is something like "don't be passionate" according to the book "Ego is the Enemy." This is like disassociating your sense of identity or ego from your opinions/thoughts according to Eckhart Tolle. This is something like being "aware" or "being an observer" of yourself according to Zens. This is something like "stillness" according to stoics. Congratulations! You've unlocked your "deeper self" :D
- maCDzP 3y agoOn a long enough timeline everyone’s fucks drop to zero.