4 ms·

This is bland advice and only applies in trivial situations where the colleague has bad habits, quirks, etc., which is really most people. Everyone can be annoy

This is bland advice and only applies in trivial situations where the colleague has bad habits, quirks, etc., which is really most people. Everyone can be annoying if you look for that perspective, but most people are…fine. If someone is actually manipulative or abusive, this advice is tantamount to “chill out, and let them walk all over you.” Actual shitty people don’t usually think they are being shitty and/or they have very powerful rationalization engines and/or short memories. For these actual shitty people, showing respect or “finding a connection” won’t stop their shitty behavior, so what’s the point? Maybe if taking the high road makes you feel better, but really if you find yourself stuck working with one of these people, you should GTFO. That is the critical missing piece from this article.

throwitaway222 3y ago
I was that "chill out, and let them walk all over you" person for someone that started helping our company as a contractor. He had a very dominant personality, of which no one at our 4 person shop had. A year later the CEO announced he was our VP of engineering. He made comments about women, made inappropriate jokes a lot. The remaining 3 years that I was at the company, his personality fused into everything and every new hire. Everyone picked up his attitude, jokes and lack of seriousness. Could easily be a textbook definition of how toxic behavior spreads. Even me, eventually I found myself cracking jokes about customers to please this person. I finally left, comically after this person left - the company now dangling and struggling. I joined a new company, and I found it refreshing to see people take things seriously again. Huge difference. So yes, you should GTFO if this happens to you.
johnnyanmac 3y ago
> This is bland advice and only applies in trivial situations where the colleague has bad habits, quirks, etc. given the responses here, it sounds like it should help a few people's problems.

throwitaway222 3y ago

I was that "chill out, and let them walk all over you" person for someone that started helping our company as a contractor. He had a very dominant personality, of which no one at our 4 person shop had. A year later the CEO announced he was our VP of engineering. He made comments about women, made inappropriate jokes a lot. The remaining 3 years that I was at the company, his personality fused into everything and every new hire. Everyone picked up his attitude, jokes and lack of seriousness. Could easily be a textbook definition of how toxic behavior spreads. Even me, eventually I found myself cracking jokes about customers to please this person. I finally left, comically after this person left - the company now dangling and struggling. I joined a new company, and I found it refreshing to see people take things seriously again. Huge difference. So yes, you should GTFO if this happens to you.

johnnyanmac 3y ago

> This is bland advice and only applies in trivial situations where the colleague has bad habits, quirks, etc. given the responses here, it sounds like it should help a few people's problems.