3 ms·

If they bring the heat, you bring it right back. If you let people bully you once it won't ever stop.

by sevagh 3y ago

brnt 3y ago
A bully needs standing up against, full stop, but was OP arguing any bullying was involved? I indeed share the experience that it helps to find commonality if you have to work with someone you don't jibe with. The not jibing doesn't have to be nasty.
snowwrestler 3y ago
You don’t need to match a heated affect to stand up to bullying. You just need to know where your lines are, and stand your ground. It can be done calmly, and might even be more effective that way.
- datadrivenangel 3y ago
  And then the bully gets you fired by undermining you and engaging in sycophantic behavior with senior management.
- sevagh 3y ago
  Yeah, agreed. I guess "bring the heat" implies combat but standing one's ground calmly (or, refusing to accept the person's heat) is better.
bityard 3y ago
Well, the thing is, if you try to fight a jerk with their own weapons, others around you will see you behaving as a jerk as well. And then you've lost more than just another argument. I prefer the Columbo method. No matter emotional the other person gets, remain calm, polite, and respectful in ALL of your responses. Remember that an angry person's only goal is to get you angry as well in an effort to blind you to the facts. Then when you trip up, they point at you and say, "Ha! See? You were wrong!" A professional manipulator can be very, VERY good at this. The most important thing to remember is: just don't get angry no matter what. You can't control THEM, but you CAN control YOU. If they are the type who can _eventually_ be reasoned with, then relentlessly question their facts, poke holes in their logic, and eventually they will likely shut up or go away. Or, possibly, you might learn something you didn't know and they weren't good at articulating it well, and you can both move forward with a better understanding. It sucks that some people can't put forth a rational argument without making it a flame war first, but that is sometimes the way it goes. But if they just want to argue, then a simple, "sorry, but I really have to focus on X right now," followed by the silent treatment always works as a last resort.
JohnFen 3y ago
I refuse to let others turn me into the sort of person that I wouldn't want to be around.

If they bring the heat, you bring it right back. If you let people bully you once it won't ever stop.

by sevagh 3y ago

If they bring the heat, you bring it right back. If you let people bully you once it won't ever stop.

brnt 3y ago

A bully needs standing up against, full stop, but was OP arguing any bullying was involved? I indeed share the experience that it helps to find commonality if you have to work with someone you don't jibe with. The not jibing doesn't have to be nasty.

snowwrestler 3y ago

You don’t need to match a heated affect to stand up to bullying. You just need to know where your lines are, and stand your ground. It can be done calmly, and might even be more effective that way.

datadrivenangel 3y ago
And then the bully gets you fired by undermining you and engaging in sycophantic behavior with senior management.
sevagh 3y ago
Yeah, agreed. I guess "bring the heat" implies combat but standing one's ground calmly (or, refusing to accept the person's heat) is better.

bityard 3y ago

Well, the thing is, if you try to fight a jerk with their own weapons, others around you will see you behaving as a jerk as well. And then you've lost more than just another argument. I prefer the Columbo method. No matter emotional the other person gets, remain calm, polite, and respectful in ALL of your responses. Remember that an angry person's only goal is to get you angry as well in an effort to blind you to the facts. Then when you trip up, they point at you and say, "Ha! See? You were wrong!" A professional manipulator can be very, VERY good at this. The most important thing to remember is: just don't get angry no matter what. You can't control THEM, but you CAN control YOU. If they are the type who can _eventually_ be reasoned with, then relentlessly question their facts, poke holes in their logic, and eventually they will likely shut up or go away. Or, possibly, you might learn something you didn't know and they weren't good at articulating it well, and you can both move forward with a better understanding. It sucks that some people can't put forth a rational argument without making it a flame war first, but that is sometimes the way it goes. But if they just want to argue, then a simple, "sorry, but I really have to focus on X right now," followed by the silent treatment always works as a last resort.

JohnFen 3y ago

I refuse to let others turn me into the sort of person that I wouldn't want to be around.