Some of this has to do with balancing closeness and distance. One reason why it can get weird is that one motive can be conscious while the opposite motive is u

Some of this has to do with balancing closeness and distance. One reason why it can get weird is that one motive can be conscious while the opposite motive is unconscious. So for example I might be consciously distant by refusing to speak to them or let them see the granddaughter, while at the same time I show my need for closeness unconsciously, by living 4 houses down. It's tough stuff and I don't mean to comment rudely on your family situation.