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Let’s be real here. Most people wouldn’t be able to articulate a system for any sort of activity. Unless it’s a question you get asked often, you have no reason

Let’s be real here. Most people wouldn’t be able to articulate a system for any sort of activity. Unless it’s a question you get asked often, you have no reason to have an answer prepared. Also, for parenting, it’s clear that there actually needs to be more structure because millennials are simply drowning. The problem is lots of people haven’t figured out how to take/ask for constructive advice. And in all fairness, most advisors are quite bad at giving advice. My middle take is, people should be sympathetic to parents, and parents should try not to get offended by random opinions. Caveat: I don’t have a good a answer for family.

fnordpiglet 3y ago
Curious did you read the linked blog? Their take was essentially they can’t articulate a clear philosophy because things change so much and so frequently that there is no monolithic philosophy that applies throughout. If you have children you know this already. What works for 6 months old doesn’t work for 8 months old, definitely doesn’t work for 3 years old. The issue isn’t that people can or can’t give or take advice. The issue is that someone who hasn’t raised a kid doesn’t realize the complexities involved and how varied each and every child is. They come along with some totally reasonable advice that sounds totally solid, but is based on a set of assumptions that are reasonable and solid. But your child is anything but reasonable and solid. They’re little balls of chaotic good energy pinballing around trying to form a coherent personality based on some Monte Carlo method of personality development. Parents are fine at accepting advice, and I would note that parents of the current generation are nothing like the parents of the millennial generation. This generation raised their kids through the pandemic and are late stage gen X. These kids were brought up with a much different style, focused intensely on personal responsibility to make the world a lot better place. There’s a lot of focus on building community, being kind, appreciating diversity, responsibility for your actions, and a kind of pervasive view we’ve broken the earth. (YMMV, rural Alabama is probably raising kids the “good old way” to be little psychopaths) But it’s not about being open to advice or not. It’s about people assuming because they understand their context they can understand all contexts. Let’s take parents who give their kids an iPad or whatever in public, like at a restaurant. You will get no end of non parents (or worse of all, people whose children are long grown up - they forget somehow and assume everyone’s children are some idealized version of their child as remembered 20 years on) condescending to instruct the parents who gave the iPad what a failure they are. They forget that when they had kids, or they were growing up, their parents would leave them with a baby sitter because baby sitters were really cheap back in the day. Now they cost more than the meal, and most parents can’t afford them - and even if they could, frankly, good luck finding one. The girl next door usually doesn’t baby sit any more for all sorts of reasons. And the reality is the goal is to teach the kid to sit calmly throughout a meal, even during the long stretches of waiting for menus and checks and food which is prime melt down times. By constructing a situation where the behavior is to sit calmly through those times rather than melting down and the parents struggling to salvage the situation, you create a learned pattern for behavior by engaging them with literally anything that is engaging. The quality of educational content for these devices is remarkable and engaging. I’m familiar with all the software (I play them through personally to be sure it’s good to go) and recognize what these kids are all doing on the iPad while the non parents sneer at the destruction of their child’s mind. In fact, they’re practicing phonics instead of bouncing off the walls and learning to bounce off the walls. Maybe learning phonics by iPad is only 60% as effective as 1:1 intensive with parents, but that’s not the alternative at that moment. Instead they’re learning to sit calmly in the restaurant - because that’s exactly what they are doing. The alternative is they’re learning to melt down because melting down captures the parents attention away from building a mutual bond during their date night (with kid because child care costs more than a college education). The child’s experience is calmly learning phonics and watching the parents build a grown up bond of love in a new context. Once they’re a little older then you take the iPad away and they already know what that time is for. It’s for calmly establishing a social relationship. Finally, parents can’t help but be offended by random opinions when they haven’t slept in four years.

fnordpiglet 3y ago

Curious did you read the linked blog? Their take was essentially they can’t articulate a clear philosophy because things change so much and so frequently that there is no monolithic philosophy that applies throughout. If you have children you know this already. What works for 6 months old doesn’t work for 8 months old, definitely doesn’t work for 3 years old. The issue isn’t that people can or can’t give or take advice. The issue is that someone who hasn’t raised a kid doesn’t realize the complexities involved and how varied each and every child is. They come along with some totally reasonable advice that sounds totally solid, but is based on a set of assumptions that are reasonable and solid. But your child is anything but reasonable and solid. They’re little balls of chaotic good energy pinballing around trying to form a coherent personality based on some Monte Carlo method of personality development. Parents are fine at accepting advice, and I would note that parents of the current generation are nothing like the parents of the millennial generation. This generation raised their kids through the pandemic and are late stage gen X. These kids were brought up with a much different style, focused intensely on personal responsibility to make the world a lot better place. There’s a lot of focus on building community, being kind, appreciating diversity, responsibility for your actions, and a kind of pervasive view we’ve broken the earth. (YMMV, rural Alabama is probably raising kids the “good old way” to be little psychopaths) But it’s not about being open to advice or not. It’s about people assuming because they understand their context they can understand all contexts. Let’s take parents who give their kids an iPad or whatever in public, like at a restaurant. You will get no end of non parents (or worse of all, people whose children are long grown up - they forget somehow and assume everyone’s children are some idealized version of their child as remembered 20 years on) condescending to instruct the parents who gave the iPad what a failure they are. They forget that when they had kids, or they were growing up, their parents would leave them with a baby sitter because baby sitters were really cheap back in the day. Now they cost more than the meal, and most parents can’t afford them - and even if they could, frankly, good luck finding one. The girl next door usually doesn’t baby sit any more for all sorts of reasons. And the reality is the goal is to teach the kid to sit calmly throughout a meal, even during the long stretches of waiting for menus and checks and food which is prime melt down times. By constructing a situation where the behavior is to sit calmly through those times rather than melting down and the parents struggling to salvage the situation, you create a learned pattern for behavior by engaging them with literally anything that is engaging. The quality of educational content for these devices is remarkable and engaging. I’m familiar with all the software (I play them through personally to be sure it’s good to go) and recognize what these kids are all doing on the iPad while the non parents sneer at the destruction of their child’s mind. In fact, they’re practicing phonics instead of bouncing off the walls and learning to bounce off the walls. Maybe learning phonics by iPad is only 60% as effective as 1:1 intensive with parents, but that’s not the alternative at that moment. Instead they’re learning to sit calmly in the restaurant - because that’s exactly what they are doing. The alternative is they’re learning to melt down because melting down captures the parents attention away from building a mutual bond during their date night (with kid because child care costs more than a college education). The child’s experience is calmly learning phonics and watching the parents build a grown up bond of love in a new context. Once they’re a little older then you take the iPad away and they already know what that time is for. It’s for calmly establishing a social relationship. Finally, parents can’t help but be offended by random opinions when they haven’t slept in four years.