5 ms·

Being someone who was both conventionally unattractive and conventionally attractive (I had a digestive disorder for years that made me terrifyingly skinny and

Being someone who was both conventionally unattractive and conventionally attractive (I had a digestive disorder for years that made me terrifyingly skinny and sickly looking), I can say that the difference is astronomical. Once I figured out what was wrong with me, fixed my diet and got in shape, the way people treated me in general shifted dramatically towards positive. Rather than starting from a unreceptive low with everyone new, I started with a positive welcoming reception. People would just defacto trust me and assign me positive traits just for being good looking. It's mind blowing to me how there is so much focus on whatever -ism, but no one talks about "looksism". Regardless of your gender or race, if you look good, people will default treat you well. If you look bad, every encounter is an uphill battle.

znpy 3y ago
> Once I figured out what was wrong with me, fixed my diet and got in shape, the way people treated me in general shifted dramatically towards positive. It’s called pretty privilege and it’s a real thing. If you look it up on YouTube you’ll find plenty of good looking women describing what they got out of it, and it’s astonishing.
BurningFrog 3y ago
Evolution is stronger than all of us.
- behnamoh 3y ago
  many times i’ve said “fuck evolution” because no matter how hard i try to be an intellectual being, evolution eventually draws me back to my reproduction instincts.
AnonCoward42 3y ago
> It's mind blowing to me how there is so much focus on whatever -ism, but no one talks about "looksism". Regardless of your gender or race, if you look good, people will default treat you well. If you look bad, every encounter is an uphill battle. This is the equivalent of the universal standard in xkcd¹. Situation: We have 13 -isms, but nobody talks about the real ism, so we need to promote it. Situation: We have 14 -isms. All these isms were reduced to buzzwords and have no meaning anymore. ¹: https://xkcd.com/927/ https://xkcd.com/927/
gehwartzen 3y ago
Can second this. Over the last few years I fixed some hormonal, dietary, and stress issues which resulted in much clearer skin, better hair, and more toned/muscular body; taking me from average to conventionally attractive based on commentary from friends/family. There is a clear boost in first impressions generally being much more positive, my ideas being regarded more highly, and coworkers/leaders wanting to promote me. I don't think my intellect has changed much over that time. I will say looking good also has a clear boost on self esteem and boldness which I'm sure at least partially contributes to the social changes.
- Workaccount2 3y ago
  Yeah that's a whole other dimension to it. The positive feedback loop it creates. With being unattractive, there is a metaphorical "gut punch" of sorts that you always get when meeting people. Often even from people you know. Imagine just before going on stage to give a presentation, getting yourself psyched up, and someone tells you "Your voice sounds kind of weird". It just entirely kicks you off kilter and it comes through in your talk. Being unattractive you end up getting kicked off kilter a lot. You might not even know it if its all you have ever known. But when you are good looking? It's almost like it switches and people make themselves vulnerable to see how you evaluate them. It's your word and your actions that matter, not theirs. People just openly pour confidence into your cup. The whole things is so bizarre logically thinking, it's so primal, so human.
  - deleted 3y ago
    [deleted]
  - handy2000 3y ago
    Just to add to that: confidence is often a wonderful substitute (or an enhancer?) for conventional physical attractiveness.
bee_rider 3y ago
And it can compound sort of. If everyone tends to be nice to you, you go into situations expecting to become friends, which produces a good attitude that people respond to positively. (It can also lead to blind spots of course, but overall I’ll take it).
no_time 3y ago
>I had a digestive disorder for years that made me terrifyingly skinny Could you elaborate? I have something similar of unknown cause
- Workaccount2 3y ago
  Yeah sure, I discovered after 27 years of living that dairy makes me passively sick. I am lactose intolerant too, that came about as I got older, but I also have some kind of sensitivity to dairy. It makes me nauseous and kills my appetite while in my system. Lots of cramps and random belly aches too. Not a lot (or any) gas and diarrhea like is commonly associated with lactose intolerance. I had no idea since I ate a typical American diet my whole life, which is very heavy in dairy. I thought feeling sick and nauseous after eating was normal. I thought not really ever being too hungry was just how I was. I thought having stomach cramps all the time was just human. The whole story is long, but eventually I went from a low lactose diet (knowing I was lactose, I still ate low or no lactose dairy foods - hard cheeses, yogurts, lactose free whatever) to eating no dairy products. Only butter. I gained 60 pounds in the 8 months following this, I also learned that feeling nauseous all the time also isn't normal and I am capable of eating way more than I thought possible.
kkielhofner 3y ago
I have to imagine the “unattractive sickly stage” is likely related to basic things like monkey brain “hmm that person doesn’t look healthy maybe I should stay away from them”. Or pattern recognition stuff like “don’t see that everyday. What’s going on here?” that could lead to the skepticism and lack of trust and confidence. Otherwise people generally like looking at pretty things and being surrounded by pretty things. Interior, product, etc design is a thing because people will buy something for how it looks over how well it actually functions. Or all things being equal or close they will pick the “pretty” one. They are attracted to it, drawn to it. Artwork that is appealing to enough people is worth more than artwork that isn’t. Of course it is the same with people.
- behnamoh 3y ago
  you can also say the same thing for traits like skin color. imo part of racist behavior is due to the primal instinct to stay away from whoever looks “different” from you, especially in a way that’s associated with diseases. like if you’re white, a brown person might come off as a little bit “sickly” to you, resulting in less favorable judgments. we know that it’s not necessarily true, but the monkey brain does its thing anyway.
avgcorrection 3y ago
I just open these threads to see if the top comment is “Attractive person here, can confirm”.
- colpabar 3y ago
  The comment is more "formerly unattractive person who is now attractive here, can confirm." People who have never been unattractive can't confirm, because they live in a bubble and just think that's how everyone is treated. You have to have the other perspective to really understand it. 30 rock explained it pretty well. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAQoXOLlvT0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAQoXOLlvT0
DontchaKnowit 3y ago
A lot of this difference is the result of your own outlook and approach to life. Used to be fat and wear clothes 2 sizes too big. Lost some weight and started dressing nicer. Suddenly I was behaving more confidently, and the effect snowballs. Of course, there is some external difference, but a lot of it just goes back to attitude and confidence.

znpy 3y ago

> Once I figured out what was wrong with me, fixed my diet and got in shape, the way people treated me in general shifted dramatically towards positive. It’s called pretty privilege and it’s a real thing. If you look it up on YouTube you’ll find plenty of good looking women describing what they got out of it, and it’s astonishing.

BurningFrog 3y ago

Evolution is stronger than all of us.

behnamoh 3y ago
many times i’ve said “fuck evolution” because no matter how hard i try to be an intellectual being, evolution eventually draws me back to my reproduction instincts.

AnonCoward42 3y ago

> It's mind blowing to me how there is so much focus on whatever -ism, but no one talks about "looksism". Regardless of your gender or race, if you look good, people will default treat you well. If you look bad, every encounter is an uphill battle. This is the equivalent of the universal standard in xkcd¹. Situation: We have 13 -isms, but nobody talks about the real ism, so we need to promote it. Situation: We have 14 -isms. All these isms were reduced to buzzwords and have no meaning anymore. ¹: https://xkcd.com/927/ https://xkcd.com/927/

gehwartzen 3y ago

Can second this. Over the last few years I fixed some hormonal, dietary, and stress issues which resulted in much clearer skin, better hair, and more toned/muscular body; taking me from average to conventionally attractive based on commentary from friends/family. There is a clear boost in first impressions generally being much more positive, my ideas being regarded more highly, and coworkers/leaders wanting to promote me. I don't think my intellect has changed much over that time. I will say looking good also has a clear boost on self esteem and boldness which I'm sure at least partially contributes to the social changes.

Workaccount2 3y ago
Yeah that's a whole other dimension to it. The positive feedback loop it creates. With being unattractive, there is a metaphorical "gut punch" of sorts that you always get when meeting people. Often even from people you know. Imagine just before going on stage to give a presentation, getting yourself psyched up, and someone tells you "Your voice sounds kind of weird". It just entirely kicks you off kilter and it comes through in your talk. Being unattractive you end up getting kicked off kilter a lot. You might not even know it if its all you have ever known. But when you are good looking? It's almost like it switches and people make themselves vulnerable to see how you evaluate them. It's your word and your actions that matter, not theirs. People just openly pour confidence into your cup. The whole things is so bizarre logically thinking, it's so primal, so human.
- deleted 3y ago
  [deleted]
- handy2000 3y ago
  Just to add to that: confidence is often a wonderful substitute (or an enhancer?) for conventional physical attractiveness.

bee_rider 3y ago

And it can compound sort of. If everyone tends to be nice to you, you go into situations expecting to become friends, which produces a good attitude that people respond to positively. (It can also lead to blind spots of course, but overall I’ll take it).

no_time 3y ago

>I had a digestive disorder for years that made me terrifyingly skinny Could you elaborate? I have something similar of unknown cause

Workaccount2 3y ago
Yeah sure, I discovered after 27 years of living that dairy makes me passively sick. I am lactose intolerant too, that came about as I got older, but I also have some kind of sensitivity to dairy. It makes me nauseous and kills my appetite while in my system. Lots of cramps and random belly aches too. Not a lot (or any) gas and diarrhea like is commonly associated with lactose intolerance. I had no idea since I ate a typical American diet my whole life, which is very heavy in dairy. I thought feeling sick and nauseous after eating was normal. I thought not really ever being too hungry was just how I was. I thought having stomach cramps all the time was just human. The whole story is long, but eventually I went from a low lactose diet (knowing I was lactose, I still ate low or no lactose dairy foods - hard cheeses, yogurts, lactose free whatever) to eating no dairy products. Only butter. I gained 60 pounds in the 8 months following this, I also learned that feeling nauseous all the time also isn't normal and I am capable of eating way more than I thought possible.

kkielhofner 3y ago

I have to imagine the “unattractive sickly stage” is likely related to basic things like monkey brain “hmm that person doesn’t look healthy maybe I should stay away from them”. Or pattern recognition stuff like “don’t see that everyday. What’s going on here?” that could lead to the skepticism and lack of trust and confidence. Otherwise people generally like looking at pretty things and being surrounded by pretty things. Interior, product, etc design is a thing because people will buy something for how it looks over how well it actually functions. Or all things being equal or close they will pick the “pretty” one. They are attracted to it, drawn to it. Artwork that is appealing to enough people is worth more than artwork that isn’t. Of course it is the same with people.

behnamoh 3y ago
you can also say the same thing for traits like skin color. imo part of racist behavior is due to the primal instinct to stay away from whoever looks “different” from you, especially in a way that’s associated with diseases. like if you’re white, a brown person might come off as a little bit “sickly” to you, resulting in less favorable judgments. we know that it’s not necessarily true, but the monkey brain does its thing anyway.

avgcorrection 3y ago

I just open these threads to see if the top comment is “Attractive person here, can confirm”.

colpabar 3y ago
The comment is more "formerly unattractive person who is now attractive here, can confirm." People who have never been unattractive can't confirm, because they live in a bubble and just think that's how everyone is treated. You have to have the other perspective to really understand it. 30 rock explained it pretty well. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAQoXOLlvT0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAQoXOLlvT0

DontchaKnowit 3y ago

A lot of this difference is the result of your own outlook and approach to life. Used to be fat and wear clothes 2 sizes too big. Lost some weight and started dressing nicer. Suddenly I was behaving more confidently, and the effect snowballs. Of course, there is some external difference, but a lot of it just goes back to attitude and confidence.