6 ms·

I think it's not really about responding to 100% of a child demands, it's maybe even detrimental, and probably better to start teaching him patience, and let hi

I think it's not really about responding to 100% of a child demands, it's maybe even detrimental, and probably better to start teaching him patience, and let him learn what to do in boredom. But the other part is having long and meaningful activities/experiences with a child

rexpop 3y ago
We decry "demands" when we should acknowledge "dependencies;" kids won't properly compile without their needs met.
- lifeisstillgood 3y ago
  Fantastic analogy :-)
- pixl97 3y ago
  The question here is one of alignment. I child may think "I need to eat right now" but that doesn't necessarily mean the "right now" part is correct. Open world problems are difficult to define, even the word 'properly' you use has a vast amount of interpretability as to what you believe the 'proper' outcome should be.
  - XorNot 3y ago
    There is absolutely no parent who's problem is a child who thinks "I need to eat right now".
    - argiopetech 3y ago
      Of course there are. That's one of the three states of infants (asleep, hungry, soiled). It's one of the major causes of upset and bad behavior in toddlers. It's obviously the case for children who don't get enough to eat due to deprivation. That doesn't mean my toddler wouldn't prefer ice cream over whatever is for dinner, though.
      - TeMPOraL 3y ago
        You're forgetting the fourth state: too hot/too cold. I only mention it because, as any parent knows, infants are effectively small finite state machines, and you can deal with their crying even half-awake, if you go through a mental checklist. But you'd better not miss a state to check :).
        salamandersss 3y ago
        Or the fifth state, colic. It can last for months and the child will cry every waking hour. The binary flag is stuck 'on' which in my experience set every family member into a meltdown so you'll get no relief, because a baby that cries inconsolably for hours (months!) on end and can't be fixed is kryptonite to many people. So yeah, good fucking luck if that happens. You'll have to feed on a schedule, change regularly and check even more regularly, guess appropriate temperature etc because the baby will be screaming bloody murder if awake no matter what.
        drivebyhooting 3y ago
        [flagged]
        deleted 3y ago
        [deleted]
        salamandersss 3y ago
        [flagged]
      - XorNot 3y ago
        You're mistaking "hungry" for "wants to eat". My son during teething was hungry a lot. He was absolutely unwilling to eat for hours till we found whichever thing he was going to tolerate each time (since he's stopped teething for now he's gotten a lot better about it, but you still have to offer food since he doesn't always recognise he is getting hungry).
  - rexpop 3y ago
    I don't know what your point is. That children can't articulate their needs? That we should consult adult peers and experts rather than taking children at their word? Of course we should. Children do not teach courses on child development. It goes without saying that children exaggerate, eg crying over spilt milk. To repudiate children's complaints seems cruelly unnecessary.
- Feathercrown 3y ago
  Compilation error: I don't feel like it
- ilrwbwrkhv 3y ago
  We have brainwashed our western minds to make women leave their kids in daycare sometimes weeks after being born. Then we are brainwashed to let kids sleep in a separate room so that mommy can get a good night's rest and be productive at work. We need a minimum of 3 years of maternity leave in our country to being with. It is insane as one of the best countries in the world we don't let people have kids naturally.
  - HenryBemis 3y ago
    The movie "The Pod Generation" (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt15768848/ https://www.imdb.com/title/tt15768848/) has a theme that touches what you state. No need to get pregnant, give birth, stay home with your kid. While in the pod the fetus can be trained, educated, etc...
  - ClumsyPilot 3y ago
    > We need a minimum of 3 years of maternity leave in our country to being with And a year of mandatory evaluation and treatment at a psycologist for various baggage, complexes and plain stupidity that will manifest when raising a child.
    - touisteur 3y ago
      I don't know about mandatory, but well funded and expected in that period would go a long way. Child rearing, especially, will surface things you might have not known were there or were so painful. You might also need a variety of help, from talking therapy to cptsd/desensitising. To parents feeling overwhelmed and daily triggered suddenly, in the presence or thinking of your children, you're really not alone, and I strongly advise getting all the help you can, as soon as possible.
  - rexpop 3y ago
    Families with "women in the workplace" are not brainwashed, they are wielding hard earned rights and freedoms against violently indifferent economic structures. Under capitalism, we are not free unless we draw a wage, and women have learned there are no wages for housework.
- trashtester 3y ago
  A 1-year old may not compile without having its needs met, but a 4-year-old may not link if it doesn't acknowledge the needs of its peers.
alex_lav 3y ago
You’ll note the person you responded to never suggested responding to 100% of a child’s “demands”
deleted 3y ago
[deleted]
Erratic6576 3y ago
I try to teach my baby to be patient when he’s hangry, but he slaps, punches, kicks and bites. He doesn’t even say “I’m hangry, you incompetent giant”. He demands to be held in arms, he punches, bites and slaps my face. He did this for the first time when he was around 3 months old. Patience is learnt through many years, specially when the belly is full. Hangry people can turn violent, like most restaurant workers know. As “the whole-brained child” book states, children can not be reasonable when they are in a tantrum
- billti 3y ago
  > children can not be reasonable when they are in a tantrum Are you supposed to grow out of that? I’m 51 and I still notice this about myself at times! (Only half joking here. It is amazing how hard it can be to snap out of a “sulky mood” after some type of frustration or disappointment, even when you’re aware of it and that it’s doing more harm than good).
trwkd 3y ago
Sounds like parents too tired from work making up reasons why being exploited past the point where they can care for their kids is actually a good thing.
mlboss 3y ago
You can only do this once they grow older. Babies just need continuous attention. They are incapable of tending to their needs. And they too cute to be ignored :)

rexpop 3y ago

We decry "demands" when we should acknowledge "dependencies;" kids won't properly compile without their needs met.

lifeisstillgood 3y ago
Fantastic analogy :-)
pixl97 3y ago
The question here is one of alignment. I child may think "I need to eat right now" but that doesn't necessarily mean the "right now" part is correct. Open world problems are difficult to define, even the word 'properly' you use has a vast amount of interpretability as to what you believe the 'proper' outcome should be.
- XorNot 3y ago
  There is absolutely no parent who's problem is a child who thinks "I need to eat right now".
  - argiopetech 3y ago
    Of course there are. That's one of the three states of infants (asleep, hungry, soiled). It's one of the major causes of upset and bad behavior in toddlers. It's obviously the case for children who don't get enough to eat due to deprivation. That doesn't mean my toddler wouldn't prefer ice cream over whatever is for dinner, though.
    - TeMPOraL 3y ago
      You're forgetting the fourth state: too hot/too cold. I only mention it because, as any parent knows, infants are effectively small finite state machines, and you can deal with their crying even half-awake, if you go through a mental checklist. But you'd better not miss a state to check :).
      - salamandersss 3y ago
        Or the fifth state, colic. It can last for months and the child will cry every waking hour. The binary flag is stuck 'on' which in my experience set every family member into a meltdown so you'll get no relief, because a baby that cries inconsolably for hours (months!) on end and can't be fixed is kryptonite to many people. So yeah, good fucking luck if that happens. You'll have to feed on a schedule, change regularly and check even more regularly, guess appropriate temperature etc because the baby will be screaming bloody murder if awake no matter what.
        drivebyhooting 3y ago
        [flagged]
        deleted 3y ago
        [deleted]
        salamandersss 3y ago
        [flagged]
    - XorNot 3y ago
      You're mistaking "hungry" for "wants to eat". My son during teething was hungry a lot. He was absolutely unwilling to eat for hours till we found whichever thing he was going to tolerate each time (since he's stopped teething for now he's gotten a lot better about it, but you still have to offer food since he doesn't always recognise he is getting hungry).
- rexpop 3y ago
  I don't know what your point is. That children can't articulate their needs? That we should consult adult peers and experts rather than taking children at their word? Of course we should. Children do not teach courses on child development. It goes without saying that children exaggerate, eg crying over spilt milk. To repudiate children's complaints seems cruelly unnecessary.
Feathercrown 3y ago
Compilation error: I don't feel like it
ilrwbwrkhv 3y ago
We have brainwashed our western minds to make women leave their kids in daycare sometimes weeks after being born. Then we are brainwashed to let kids sleep in a separate room so that mommy can get a good night's rest and be productive at work. We need a minimum of 3 years of maternity leave in our country to being with. It is insane as one of the best countries in the world we don't let people have kids naturally.
- HenryBemis 3y ago
  The movie "The Pod Generation" (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt15768848/ https://www.imdb.com/title/tt15768848/) has a theme that touches what you state. No need to get pregnant, give birth, stay home with your kid. While in the pod the fetus can be trained, educated, etc...
- ClumsyPilot 3y ago
  > We need a minimum of 3 years of maternity leave in our country to being with And a year of mandatory evaluation and treatment at a psycologist for various baggage, complexes and plain stupidity that will manifest when raising a child.
  - touisteur 3y ago
    I don't know about mandatory, but well funded and expected in that period would go a long way. Child rearing, especially, will surface things you might have not known were there or were so painful. You might also need a variety of help, from talking therapy to cptsd/desensitising. To parents feeling overwhelmed and daily triggered suddenly, in the presence or thinking of your children, you're really not alone, and I strongly advise getting all the help you can, as soon as possible.
- rexpop 3y ago
  Families with "women in the workplace" are not brainwashed, they are wielding hard earned rights and freedoms against violently indifferent economic structures. Under capitalism, we are not free unless we draw a wage, and women have learned there are no wages for housework.
trashtester 3y ago
A 1-year old may not compile without having its needs met, but a 4-year-old may not link if it doesn't acknowledge the needs of its peers.

alex_lav 3y ago

You’ll note the person you responded to never suggested responding to 100% of a child’s “demands”

deleted 3y ago

[deleted]

Erratic6576 3y ago

I try to teach my baby to be patient when he’s hangry, but he slaps, punches, kicks and bites. He doesn’t even say “I’m hangry, you incompetent giant”. He demands to be held in arms, he punches, bites and slaps my face. He did this for the first time when he was around 3 months old. Patience is learnt through many years, specially when the belly is full. Hangry people can turn violent, like most restaurant workers know. As “the whole-brained child” book states, children can not be reasonable when they are in a tantrum

billti 3y ago
> children can not be reasonable when they are in a tantrum Are you supposed to grow out of that? I’m 51 and I still notice this about myself at times! (Only half joking here. It is amazing how hard it can be to snap out of a “sulky mood” after some type of frustration or disappointment, even when you’re aware of it and that it’s doing more harm than good).

trwkd 3y ago

Sounds like parents too tired from work making up reasons why being exploited past the point where they can care for their kids is actually a good thing.

mlboss 3y ago

You can only do this once they grow older. Babies just need continuous attention. They are incapable of tending to their needs. And they too cute to be ignored :)