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>> It's all fine work, but not for her, not at this stage in life. >> She wants to find a place to be comfy and write some SQL scripts, analysis, and data mode

>> It's all fine work, but not for her, not at this stage in life. >> She wants to find a place to be comfy and write some SQL scripts, analysis, and data modeling here and there, where she will be both happy and useful. Pay is not a priority. Sorry but your mom is about my age (nearly 50 that is). "At this stage in life" is reserved for 30 years from now, someone has to break this to her. Sounds like the private sector is not for her and that's fine but probably should have considered her options earlier. A teacher position doesn't pay developer money but it's also not nearly as stressful and volatile and "get paged on Thanksgiving weekend to fix some random crap". On the other hand some people are just not cutoff for the level of workload in the private sector (not just programming, try sales or stacking shelves at Target for a change) and are just professional complainers. Someone I know, in his late 20s was stating "it's too late for me to learn something else, I'm done. finished. terminated". Pursued by his mother (now 75+) he did start a teacher's career and is now 25+ years into it with a nice salary and benefits. Of course it's not enough and he constantly complaints of kids being the worst and teaching the absolute most stressful environment one could imagine. For the record he did try to switch to a sales career, lasted two months and came back penitent. So while the usual supportive shoulder is the default for your mom's case, I'd recommend investigating if there isn't some similarity to the person I know. Show her this: https://imgur.com/a/zzUoNWC https://imgur.com/a/zzUoNWC

drakonka 3y ago
> Sorry but your mom is about my age (nearly 50 that is). "At this stage in life" is reserved for 30 years from now, someone has to break this to her. What does your or her age have to do with what stage of life someone else is in and what they are looking for? There are so many other factors that go into what stage of life we feel we are in. Nor are our personal benchmarks or "age thresholds" necessarily relevant for others. > On the other hand some people are just not cutoff for the level of workload in the private sector (not just programming, try sales or stacking shelves at Target for a change) and are just professional complainers. There are many, many other situations and lifestyle choices between "cutoff for level of workload in the private sector" and "professional complainer". It reads as though you have some anecdotal experiences that might be coloring your view of situations that are likely not as transferable as you might think.
oliwarner 3y ago
What a helpful comment. Yes. How dare someone wish to maintain the work/life balance they have worked hard to attain. They must be lazy like your anecdotal associate. Just a counterpoint to consider: Start-ups are a dirty fraction of the private sector. They burn through people to achieve short-term goals and reach IPO or takeover. They offset this wear and tear with direct remuneration and options. Most private sector work isn't X10 gigabros, it's real people doing a job, developing themselves and adding value to a long term business in a 9-5 setting. These jobs still exist. Telling someone to stack shelves because they don't want to work at a start-up is contemptible.
- MichaelRo 3y ago
  >> 20 years of experience with Oracle SQL. She's an expert in that, but not in other dev stuff I'm not so sure how much of an expert either. Everyone's parent is a hero to them so one has to take the statement they make with a grain of salt. Is she "an amazing DBA"? If so she probably has little problem finding another job. If she just knows SQL or worse only "Oracle SQL", meaning little experience with other types of databases, well then she sounds like the kind of person of which there are aplenty who wants to learn one trade and do it for life, with little desire to diversify or re-qualify. I'm not saying I've got a burning desire to "diversify or re-qualify" and the "churn and burn" characteristic of the software development sector is dear to my heart but I'm a professional, veteran soldier that knows very well what he's gotten into. This "job" isn't for everyone and there are different jobs where you get to re-use the knowledge that you acquire: law, medicine, accounting, teaching, cashier or stackshelver at Target etc. Only not the cruel slaughterhouse that's software development, in a war analogy I'd equate this mom's job with something in intendance versus brutal front line battles that most soldiers are forced to fight. But since she's in the army nevertheless, mustn't be surprised if at some point she finds herself sent to the front line. >> How dare someone wish to maintain the work/life balance they have worked hard to attain. They must be lazy like your anecdotal associate. I'm not making value judgements about her desire and in fact I'm sympathetic to her. Just pointing out the cognitive dissonance of having such desires and fantasies in the sector where she works.
  - steve_slammin 3y ago

drakonka 3y ago

> Sorry but your mom is about my age (nearly 50 that is). "At this stage in life" is reserved for 30 years from now, someone has to break this to her. What does your or her age have to do with what stage of life someone else is in and what they are looking for? There are so many other factors that go into what stage of life we feel we are in. Nor are our personal benchmarks or "age thresholds" necessarily relevant for others. > On the other hand some people are just not cutoff for the level of workload in the private sector (not just programming, try sales or stacking shelves at Target for a change) and are just professional complainers. There are many, many other situations and lifestyle choices between "cutoff for level of workload in the private sector" and "professional complainer". It reads as though you have some anecdotal experiences that might be coloring your view of situations that are likely not as transferable as you might think.

oliwarner 3y ago

What a helpful comment. Yes. How dare someone wish to maintain the work/life balance they have worked hard to attain. They must be lazy like your anecdotal associate. Just a counterpoint to consider: Start-ups are a dirty fraction of the private sector. They burn through people to achieve short-term goals and reach IPO or takeover. They offset this wear and tear with direct remuneration and options. Most private sector work isn't X10 gigabros, it's real people doing a job, developing themselves and adding value to a long term business in a 9-5 setting. These jobs still exist. Telling someone to stack shelves because they don't want to work at a start-up is contemptible.

MichaelRo 3y ago
>> 20 years of experience with Oracle SQL. She's an expert in that, but not in other dev stuff I'm not so sure how much of an expert either. Everyone's parent is a hero to them so one has to take the statement they make with a grain of salt. Is she "an amazing DBA"? If so she probably has little problem finding another job. If she just knows SQL or worse only "Oracle SQL", meaning little experience with other types of databases, well then she sounds like the kind of person of which there are aplenty who wants to learn one trade and do it for life, with little desire to diversify or re-qualify. I'm not saying I've got a burning desire to "diversify or re-qualify" and the "churn and burn" characteristic of the software development sector is dear to my heart but I'm a professional, veteran soldier that knows very well what he's gotten into. This "job" isn't for everyone and there are different jobs where you get to re-use the knowledge that you acquire: law, medicine, accounting, teaching, cashier or stackshelver at Target etc. Only not the cruel slaughterhouse that's software development, in a war analogy I'd equate this mom's job with something in intendance versus brutal front line battles that most soldiers are forced to fight. But since she's in the army nevertheless, mustn't be surprised if at some point she finds herself sent to the front line. >> How dare someone wish to maintain the work/life balance they have worked hard to attain. They must be lazy like your anecdotal associate. I'm not making value judgements about her desire and in fact I'm sympathetic to her. Just pointing out the cognitive dissonance of having such desires and fantasies in the sector where she works.
- steve_slammin 3y ago