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> I want to adapt and accommodate his disability to the best that I can. 1. Recognize that you have a problem, not him. 2. Let him decide if it's a disability

by sshine 3y ago

> I want to adapt and accommodate his disability to the best that I can. 1. Recognize that you have a problem, not him. 2. Let him decide if it's a disability and consider that we're all different. 3. You're not being specific; it's hard to provide concrete advise to a non-specific request. > HR knows it but everyone is afraid of getting sued or something so it's a don't ask don't tell situation. You're treating him like a sick person who is doing something wrong, whose bad behavior is protected by taboo. Whether this is true or not is hard to say. But maintaining this perspective, it seems that you're betting on him not being there, rather than resolving any problems you have with him. > I will be honest, he drives me crazy on a daily basis. I have autism and I have a manager who drives me crazy on a daily basis. Try to not make it personal. > I can make it a useful learning experience that works for both sides, hopefully. If you try to learn something from dealing with him, great. I'd try to avoid setting learning goals for other grown-ups who didn't ask for it, though. > Do you have any advice for making his and my life easier? Talk with colleagues who have success communicating with him how they do it. Talk with your manager on how to be a better manager for autistic people. Stop blaming him for being autistic and turning your problems into his problems. :-)

gemstones 3y ago
From the description, it sounds like the team has started excluding him based on similar communication gaps as the manager is seeing. That’s a material deficiency, that even an autistic employee is expected to fix. It’s hard; no doubt. But if you had a person for whom coding didn’t come naturally, they would still be expected to fix it even if working on the issue is harder for them than for someone else. Similarly, even though soft skills are harder for autistic people than for others, there is still a minimum standard you must meet. Alienating your entire team would count as falling below a minimum standard on teams I’ve worked on, especially if they were being avoided for work as in the OP’s example.
- sshine 3y ago
  OP didn't mention that the team started excluding him, or that this developer alienated an entire team. It's easy to build a narrative in which the person you have a disagreement gets painted as the incompetent. We typically do that when we've reached a conclusion and need reality to follow up.
  - gemstones 3y ago
    Reposting my comment above - you only need the OP’s words and some reasonable logic to arrive at that conclusion: These people tell me HR knows it but everyone is afraid of getting sued or something so it's a don't ask don't tell situation. People simply ignored him. This doesn’t require soft skills to logic out that there is reasonable trouble. Coworkers, with a preexisting work history with this employee, know that HR is afraid of getting sued. Why would an HR department be afraid of being sued by an employee? The most likely explanation is that they want to fire them for performance and are trying to limit the likelihood of a lawsuit. Why would a coworker be able to speak to HR’s internal assessment of an employee’s ability to be fired? The most likely explanation is that they’ve gone to HR, or a manager, with problems, and the manager has asked HR if they could fire the employee for cause before. “People simply ignored him” is more ambiguous, but in the context above, I take it to mean - other coworkers want him fired, but given HR’s inaction, they are taking their own action by ignoring the coworker and working around them rather than trying to include them.
    - sshine 3y ago
      > Why would an HR department be afraid of being sued by an employee? The most likely explanation is that they want to fire them for performance and are trying to limit the likelihood of a lawsuit. Most likely, HR has had complaints from at least one person other than OP. Beyond that conclusion, you're adding to the story to make it fit your narrative. Maybe they're afraid because he is a licensed gun owner. Maybe he brought his pet iguana to work one day and used it for rubber-ducking. (Using monospace throughout your message is a little confusing.)
- incomingpain 3y ago
  >That’s a material deficiency, that even an autistic employee is expected to fix. Incorrect. Most countries with protections for disabled employees NEVER expect the employee to be the one fixing the problem. Wheelchair employees don't have to build ramps, you must do it for them.

by sshine 3y ago

gemstones 3y ago

From the description, it sounds like the team has started excluding him based on similar communication gaps as the manager is seeing. That’s a material deficiency, that even an autistic employee is expected to fix. It’s hard; no doubt. But if you had a person for whom coding didn’t come naturally, they would still be expected to fix it even if working on the issue is harder for them than for someone else. Similarly, even though soft skills are harder for autistic people than for others, there is still a minimum standard you must meet. Alienating your entire team would count as falling below a minimum standard on teams I’ve worked on, especially if they were being avoided for work as in the OP’s example.

sshine 3y ago
OP didn't mention that the team started excluding him, or that this developer alienated an entire team. It's easy to build a narrative in which the person you have a disagreement gets painted as the incompetent. We typically do that when we've reached a conclusion and need reality to follow up.
- gemstones 3y ago
  Reposting my comment above - you only need the OP’s words and some reasonable logic to arrive at that conclusion: These people tell me HR knows it but everyone is afraid of getting sued or something so it's a don't ask don't tell situation. People simply ignored him. This doesn’t require soft skills to logic out that there is reasonable trouble. Coworkers, with a preexisting work history with this employee, know that HR is afraid of getting sued. Why would an HR department be afraid of being sued by an employee? The most likely explanation is that they want to fire them for performance and are trying to limit the likelihood of a lawsuit. Why would a coworker be able to speak to HR’s internal assessment of an employee’s ability to be fired? The most likely explanation is that they’ve gone to HR, or a manager, with problems, and the manager has asked HR if they could fire the employee for cause before. “People simply ignored him” is more ambiguous, but in the context above, I take it to mean - other coworkers want him fired, but given HR’s inaction, they are taking their own action by ignoring the coworker and working around them rather than trying to include them.
  - sshine 3y ago
    > Why would an HR department be afraid of being sued by an employee? The most likely explanation is that they want to fire them for performance and are trying to limit the likelihood of a lawsuit. Most likely, HR has had complaints from at least one person other than OP. Beyond that conclusion, you're adding to the story to make it fit your narrative. Maybe they're afraid because he is a licensed gun owner. Maybe he brought his pet iguana to work one day and used it for rubber-ducking. (Using monospace throughout your message is a little confusing.)
incomingpain 3y ago
>That’s a material deficiency, that even an autistic employee is expected to fix. Incorrect. Most countries with protections for disabled employees NEVER expect the employee to be the one fixing the problem. Wheelchair employees don't have to build ramps, you must do it for them.