5 ms·

You Shouldn't Make Friends at Work

9 points by outrun86 3y ago

jaybrendansmith 3y ago
I've been living my life wrong this entire time. All my friends are from work.
- mati365 3y ago
  And now you are here
psunavy03 3y ago
In which a column from a person with no social skills advises people with no social skills not to make friends at work, because they have no social skills and they'll fuck it up . . . You meet people at work because it's work and they're people. If you can't set boundaries between your work role and your personal life, and negotiate the sometimes-complicated human interactions that are the boundaries between these things, that's a "you" problem, not an "us" problem. No, your co-workers don't have to be your friends. Sometimes they shouldn't become your friends. Occasionally, though, in appropriate contexts, they can become your friends. Even if a social cripple who's a wannabe "influencer" wrote a column on the internet trying to rationalize why none of their co-workers ever wanted to be their friend.
- xela79 3y ago
  you hit the nail on the head; you don't have to "befriend" all your co-workers, just find solutions together for the work related issues. During downtime, if you do happen to cross a like minded individual, do be more friendly, you never know if this person will in fact become a "bestie". I got plenty of friends, who left for other jobs, where years down the line, we still see and spend time with on a regular bases. so following this guy's advice on "don't be a friends with your co-workers" is just horrible.
- mmvasq 3y ago
  You are so right. I just had some bizarre activists spend three years on exploiting all they learned using my friends as informants however. You do need to train your buddies the right way to handle a covert narcissist who comes into power, which is to team up not disband. This affects minorities the most. I spent 15 years with the same people, it is ridiculous to think you will have full separation of networks.
bhawks 3y ago
This is a very shallow take on a nuanced topic. Frankly conversations with friends that sound like: "$THIRD_PARTY is successful and I am not. Why don't I get recognition" doesn't require a work relationship at all and is an unhealthy line of discussion regardless. You can definitely find some meaningful relationships at work. You should definitely manage boundaries and you shouldn't expect a friend for life in most cases. By the time you entered the workforce you should have had some practice honing these skills.
jorl17 3y ago
I used to vehemently defend this idea. Had my solid group of 10 friends from college (still do) and hated being forced into becoming “friends” with work mates. Then as life went on and many things changed, I entered the “it’s okay to make friends at work even though most of my friends are outside it” phase. I guess in a way that’s where I’m still at. I understand why some people make friends at work and accept that. I also encourage it in terms of company culture without ever imposing it (I hope?) Anyway, my current partner of ~1 year (for lack of a more precise term) is from work. And my best friend is on his way to joining us again. While in theory I would completely advise against this mix of business and pleasure, in practice it’s been working great for us, and we all work great together this way. Of course, sometimes it muddles decisions, especially when there are hierarchy differences, which there are. In conclusion: You shouldn’t generalize, and that’s about it. Live your life as you want — just be self-aware and think things through _just_ enough.
mcphage 3y ago
How often are people hired due to connections with people that lasted longer than a single job? Pretty often. You should build a network of people you know and trust and… yes, even enjoy the company of.

9 points by outrun86 3y ago

jaybrendansmith 3y ago

I've been living my life wrong this entire time. All my friends are from work.

mati365 3y ago
And now you are here

psunavy03 3y ago

In which a column from a person with no social skills advises people with no social skills not to make friends at work, because they have no social skills and they'll fuck it up . . . You meet people at work because it's work and they're people. If you can't set boundaries between your work role and your personal life, and negotiate the sometimes-complicated human interactions that are the boundaries between these things, that's a "you" problem, not an "us" problem. No, your co-workers don't have to be your friends. Sometimes they shouldn't become your friends. Occasionally, though, in appropriate contexts, they can become your friends. Even if a social cripple who's a wannabe "influencer" wrote a column on the internet trying to rationalize why none of their co-workers ever wanted to be their friend.

xela79 3y ago
you hit the nail on the head; you don't have to "befriend" all your co-workers, just find solutions together for the work related issues. During downtime, if you do happen to cross a like minded individual, do be more friendly, you never know if this person will in fact become a "bestie". I got plenty of friends, who left for other jobs, where years down the line, we still see and spend time with on a regular bases. so following this guy's advice on "don't be a friends with your co-workers" is just horrible.
mmvasq 3y ago
You are so right. I just had some bizarre activists spend three years on exploiting all they learned using my friends as informants however. You do need to train your buddies the right way to handle a covert narcissist who comes into power, which is to team up not disband. This affects minorities the most. I spent 15 years with the same people, it is ridiculous to think you will have full separation of networks.

bhawks 3y ago

This is a very shallow take on a nuanced topic. Frankly conversations with friends that sound like: "$THIRD_PARTY is successful and I am not. Why don't I get recognition" doesn't require a work relationship at all and is an unhealthy line of discussion regardless. You can definitely find some meaningful relationships at work. You should definitely manage boundaries and you shouldn't expect a friend for life in most cases. By the time you entered the workforce you should have had some practice honing these skills.

jorl17 3y ago

I used to vehemently defend this idea. Had my solid group of 10 friends from college (still do) and hated being forced into becoming “friends” with work mates. Then as life went on and many things changed, I entered the “it’s okay to make friends at work even though most of my friends are outside it” phase. I guess in a way that’s where I’m still at. I understand why some people make friends at work and accept that. I also encourage it in terms of company culture without ever imposing it (I hope?) Anyway, my current partner of ~1 year (for lack of a more precise term) is from work. And my best friend is on his way to joining us again. While in theory I would completely advise against this mix of business and pleasure, in practice it’s been working great for us, and we all work great together this way. Of course, sometimes it muddles decisions, especially when there are hierarchy differences, which there are. In conclusion: You shouldn’t generalize, and that’s about it. Live your life as you want — just be self-aware and think things through _just_ enough.

mcphage 3y ago

How often are people hired due to connections with people that lasted longer than a single job? Pretty often. You should build a network of people you know and trust and… yes, even enjoy the company of.