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When I was 7 years old one night my father was tucking me in bed and he said “Son, I just want you to know that we are expecting you to move out when you are 18

When I was 7 years old one night my father was tucking me in bed and he said “Son, I just want you to know that we are expecting you to move out when you are 18.” So that was always clear. Now that I have a couple of children in mid teens we don’t feel in any rush to show them the door. I have seen the value in multigenerational homes and the abuses. What I do seem to see more of right now are adult children living with parents but not taking on any responsibility for the collective needs of the home. Entertainment ( gaming, video, socialising, activities ) of self being the core activity and not contributing to the finances of the household, not taking on domestic chores, not intensely saving money for major life purchases. That does not reflect everyone who is still with parents as an adult, but it seems like it is a disturbingly large segment.

angmarsbane 3y ago
I think you’ve recognized a key nuance. The adult-aged child that retains the traits of a teenager vs the adult-aged child that takes on the traits of an adult.
lo_zamoyski 3y ago
We must first distinguish between can't and won't. Those who cannot leave the house, and those who will not leave. I claim that we have an uptick in the latter camp. By his early 20s, and frankly sooner, a healthy human being wants to have his own life. He doesn't want to live on his parents' dime. Healthy parents also don't want their children in the nest anymore either, and it is their duty to, proverbially speaking, kick them out. What "leaving the nest" means in a given culture may vary (the article in question seems to be talking about the US), but in any healthy culture, there exists the same basic psychological emancipation from parental dependence, an emancipation willingly embraced or imposed by necessity. Loving parenting is a process of progressively removing training wheels and clipping tethers. The goal is to lead someone to becoming a man or a woman: in short, an adult. This means truthful and honest feedback instead of deceitful complements or excuses, upping the challenge, and being increasingly and accordingly demanding, so that by the time someone does leave the nest, the significance of the transition is largely in the symbolic act, not a change in responsibility they can't handle. Parents and adult children should be able to relate to one another as adults. If that's not happening, something is wrong. In short, we have a problem with Peter Pan syndrome. An infantile, therapeutic culture of narcissistic self-indulgence makes this very easy. Mental illness is to be expected.
- Jcowell 3y ago
  > We must first distinguish between can't and won't. Those who cannot leave the house, and those who will not leave. I claim that we have an uptick in the latter camp. Nope. Things are just too expensive. Why move out a party extraordinary amount in rent when one can stay home, contribute to the bills for less, save up for a house and then move out? Make no mistake, there is such a think as unnecessary struggle.
- Sohcahtoa82 3y ago
  > Those who cannot leave the house, and those who will not leave. I claim that we have an uptick in the latter camp. No way. It's definitely the first. When I was 22 years old in 2004, I was making $13/hour and the rent on my 1-bedroom apartment was $600/month. I have a friend that still works there, and he says the pay is now $21/hr, and the place I was renting is now $1,475/month. In 20 years, the pay is up only about 60%, but rents are up nearly 2.5x. He had to get a roommate to be able to afford rent. It's ridiculous that a country as rich as the USA has had the standard of living DROPPING over time.

angmarsbane 3y ago

I think you’ve recognized a key nuance. The adult-aged child that retains the traits of a teenager vs the adult-aged child that takes on the traits of an adult.

lo_zamoyski 3y ago

We must first distinguish between can't and won't. Those who cannot leave the house, and those who will not leave. I claim that we have an uptick in the latter camp. By his early 20s, and frankly sooner, a healthy human being wants to have his own life. He doesn't want to live on his parents' dime. Healthy parents also don't want their children in the nest anymore either, and it is their duty to, proverbially speaking, kick them out. What "leaving the nest" means in a given culture may vary (the article in question seems to be talking about the US), but in any healthy culture, there exists the same basic psychological emancipation from parental dependence, an emancipation willingly embraced or imposed by necessity. Loving parenting is a process of progressively removing training wheels and clipping tethers. The goal is to lead someone to becoming a man or a woman: in short, an adult. This means truthful and honest feedback instead of deceitful complements or excuses, upping the challenge, and being increasingly and accordingly demanding, so that by the time someone does leave the nest, the significance of the transition is largely in the symbolic act, not a change in responsibility they can't handle. Parents and adult children should be able to relate to one another as adults. If that's not happening, something is wrong. In short, we have a problem with Peter Pan syndrome. An infantile, therapeutic culture of narcissistic self-indulgence makes this very easy. Mental illness is to be expected.

Jcowell 3y ago
> We must first distinguish between can't and won't. Those who cannot leave the house, and those who will not leave. I claim that we have an uptick in the latter camp. Nope. Things are just too expensive. Why move out a party extraordinary amount in rent when one can stay home, contribute to the bills for less, save up for a house and then move out? Make no mistake, there is such a think as unnecessary struggle.
Sohcahtoa82 3y ago
> Those who cannot leave the house, and those who will not leave. I claim that we have an uptick in the latter camp. No way. It's definitely the first. When I was 22 years old in 2004, I was making $13/hour and the rent on my 1-bedroom apartment was $600/month. I have a friend that still works there, and he says the pay is now $21/hr, and the place I was renting is now $1,475/month. In 20 years, the pay is up only about 60%, but rents are up nearly 2.5x. He had to get a roommate to be able to afford rent. It's ridiculous that a country as rich as the USA has had the standard of living DROPPING over time.